Not sure I will see my mother again before she dies or if I want to

[Shitshowme]

I'm just sitting here thinking. About my mother . And contact. We have not been in contact for many years. she's in her mid 80s and has dementia. My sister talked me into going to see her which I did. I did feel sad for her . But I did not feel emotional. I don't like to think of her without visitors. So if she was close I would still go. But she's in boston Lancashire. From where I am it takes 4hrs buy train. I don't feel I can do that in a day it just feels to much. So then there's the train fares plus accommodation for the night. Then i have to work round my kids as well.

Originally after I first saw her I was telling myself I would go every other weekend. Then I decided once a month. But now I'm just not sure at all .

Hi @Shitshowme

It's so difficult when your head and heart are pulling in different directions, I know.

Are you on good terms with your Sister?
Would she be willing to set up 'face time' on the phone so you can see/speak that way?

Perhaps a good compromise would be phone calls and an occasional visit if/when it works in with your own situation?

What is your gut instinct?

No that would not work .

My selfish gut instinct tells me to step away. My mother did not want to know me for many years. And I have my owm shit going on . Thenj there's the practice side to it as well .

I would go with your gut instinct then. You need to prioritize your own life before hers now xx

I honestly wouldn't bother.

Do you want to go and see her regularly or do you feel guilt and obligation?

Before I went I hated her. Now I don't. I feel sad for her. I would be happy to see her if she was local. But not with it being so far.

If it was your mother that didn't want to know you and who initiated the nc, then you have nothing to feel guilty about when it comes to not visiting.

I only visited mine to support my brother, who lived locally to her (I was two hours away)

It sounds like you have reached some sort of peace in the relationship.

Maybe best to leave it there.

Well she never said to me I want no contact with you bla bla. But her actions told me that was the case. But 100% if she was close in distance I would see her.