Not answering messages

[MassiveSaladEater]

I have a friend/acquaintance who is very slow to answer messages. I can see from WhatsApp that she is using her phone quite a bit, so she's not someone who only rarely picks it up.

She's been like this for years and there have also been instances where she has been a bit rude to me (excluding me from arrangements etc) She's very friendly to me in person but I think I just have to accept she doesn't like me that much. The question is how to react to the latest situation. I messaged her yesterday to tell her I had fixed an introduction for a job interview for her daughter (we had previously discussed it and she seemed keen for me to do it). It's quite a nice and potentially useful/helpful thing for me to have done. She read the message yesterday afternoon and has been online umpteen times since but has not replied.

I know the usual advice on MN is dignified silence but I am really pissed off with her and am minded to say something. Any suggestions?

@MassiveSaladEater you can't have thought it was that important or you would have phoned her about it. Messaging (WhatsApp, SMS, email etc) is always a secondary form of communication. If something is important, then a phone call is required.

I find WhatsApp and keeping on top of messages completely overwhelming and like a full time job in itself. I wish I didn't have it half the time. With friend chats, groups, class chats, work group chats, family chat groups it is just never ending. So I don't reply straight away. Sometimes it takes me a long time. But people shouldn't expect to have instant access to people all the time.

I agree it's incredibly rude not to acknowledge your original text. Basic manners, it only takes a few seconds to reply.
I would re-evaluate my friendship and interactions with her and withdraw. Reads as if you do a lot of favours for her without much acknowledgement. Time to stop investing in a one way friendship.

Yesterday I had 14 chats active from friends/work/family. If I was on top of replying to everyone (which I was) it impacts on my concentration during work. Then when I finish work I have to do my WhatsApp admin instead of home chores!? So people don't get upset that they don't get their response?

@Puppypower83 no of course you can't be expected to reply to all 14 chats immediately. Most of them were probably just chat or emoji responses to photos etc. But if someone is offering to do a favour for your child you surely would respond. If only a one word, 'thanks' wouldn't you?

Exactly this.

I'm especially careful about responding to those people who pick messages up instantly and reply in under a minute. I'm probably secretly envious that they have the spare time and freedom to do that.

Your 'friend' sounds like someone very different to you (and me!)

I'm afraid I've given up having expectations about people's politeness.

If I really like the person who is (what I would call) impolite, I simply ignore their impoliteness and carry on with me being me and them being them!

If they're doing my head in, in other ways, I withdraw

Stick to what you have agreed to do for her daughter because it’s not her who you don’t get on with. It’s a kind thing to do and costs you nothing.

Then drop the woman you don’t get on with. People will give you lots of reasons why others don’t reply to texts or don’t say thank you when they’ve been on the receiving end of something that benefits them. But you don’t have to like or accept any of those reasons.

I don’t believe those people are like that with everyone only people who aren’t important to them.

Sometimes, I will read a message on WhatsApp when for one reason or another I can't physically reply (like I'm just about to get off a bus or something) - then because the response was in my head I will think I've responded to the message then be mortified days later when I realise I haven't. Then again, I've probably got ADHD (on the waiting list)

Composing messages isn't as easy for everyone to do. Mobile phones are awful in a way as people like yourself expect instant replies. Sometimes people don't want to interact as they are drained from everything else going on in their life. 24 hours really isn't long at all. I have a friend who can take a week or two to reply and I respect that is how she manages her life and is no reflection on me or the value of our friendship.

No because some people take that as blunt and rude and expect more than a one word response.

This is ridiculous! Someone on line does not mean they are looking at messages.They could be busy with work files, sorting out a large function, watching you tube or god forbid chatting with other people! Maybe she is going to ask her daughter to respond to you.
If one of my friends was expecting me to respond and needed an answer quickly I am fairly sure they would message me and say so not make up some drama about me not being a decent friend.

I think it’s rude that she didn’t respond OP.

If she still doesn’t respond soon, you could ask for confirmation that her daughter wants to go to the interview. If no response after that, I’d just cancel the interview and text again to say you assume her daughter didn’t want it any more as there was no response.

Let us know because I live fire threads like this.

the thread here has ended with her replying but i'd like to add......... having someone like that in my life its tricky, i try and distance myself as much as possible as it causes drama (like your situation) and find myself getting annoyed and upset when this sort of thing happens. She doesn't comment on anything i say but is first on when it's our other friend, she never pays me money when its owed and NEVER says thanks even when i took all the friend group to my villa for a birthday treat. i decided i'd had enough and now try and just let her do her thing and me do mine. less drama all round

I would not lower myself to say anything!
But when or if she messages back just say oh sorry the job is filled 🤣🤣
I would be pissed off if I was trying to help someone and they can’t be bothered to reply. But def don’t say anything

Maybe her daughter is unsure and is giving her the runaround in terms of an answer. But I don’t really think that’s an excuse for completely ignoring you. She could say something like ‘I’ve spoken to daughter and she’s thinking about it, I’ll let you know in a few days if that’s ok? Thanks for doing this’. I’m with you OP. It’s not stalkerish, or obsessive or creepy, it’s just plain rude of her. And she has form for this so honestly the chances of some major life circumstances affecting her capacity to reply is probably minimal. You’ve took the time to try to help her daughter. Least she can do is take a few seconds out of her Clearly Very Important and Busy life to message you back.

Use the phone and call. You get an instant response then

Maybe she was just busy and hadn't got around to replying? Seems unreasonable to expect an immediate reply to this imo