Wondering how other mums, full time in the office do it?

[stressedagainn]

Just that really, I'm feeling a bit low.

I moved to a new job 6 months ago - within the private sector, professional services (I think relevant). Went from 4 days to 5 having returned to work on 4 days since mat leave.

I have always been in the office, WFH never an option which I'm fine with, but I'm struggling in this new role being 5 days, 9-5:30 not a minute earlier in the office .

My last workplace was a large corp, quite understanding of school pick ups/ drop offs, all mothers with primary age children worked 3 / 4 days or 5 with reduced hours. I had the luxury of being able to say "I've got to pick up tonight" and left a bit early, say 4:45, it was fine, and they knew I was still around taking calls hopping on a teams whenever needed after this time. The work got done.

This new job this isn't really an option, I am also the only woman with small children, and I feel trapped. I'm struggling with being the last to pick up, the rush getting through the door at 6 doing teatime bath time bedtime in a rush.

How do others do it? I just feel it's not fair.

For what it's worth I am lucky that I have a cleaner and gardener and the ironing is outsourced but I'm feeling a bit thinly stretched.

Pre-covid we paid for childcare. Post covid I would not take this kind of job - the flexibility makes my life so much easier that I simply would not work for a company that insist I must keep my backside on the office chair, when my job can be done from anywhere.

Does that mean you look after your children while trying to work?

I think in your case you do need to look elsewhere as your partner doesn't pick up the slack. My job is similar to yours but my DH is much more flexible.

For what it's worth I am lucky that I have a cleaner and gardener and the ironing is outsourced but I'm feeling a bit thinly stretched.

Why not pay for childcare then?

Replace your cleaner and ironing service with a Mother's Help, so you have someone at the beginning and/or end (or both) of the day to help with drop off/pick up. They can deal with cleaning/ironing during the day.

If you work in professional services, full time, and your husband is also in a professional role (sounds like it) then I'm sure you can afford this.

Does that mean you look after your children while trying to work?

Generally it means if I go to office, I will leave to do school pick up, drop kids in their respective clubs and go home to finish work from there. But if one of them is ill or something, yes I might work from home when they are there as well. In our company, this is totally fine. You would be expected to find childcare for babies and toddlers at home, but it's fine to WFH whle 'looking after' teenagers.

I would suggest putting in a flexible working request. At least try it. I spent ages stressed and not wanting to put one in but then I put one in it was quickly approved and now others in the department have put in similar requests and it has changed the culture quite a bit.

Well, I can tell you what I did: I paid for childcare. Also, why is it always the mothers sloping off early to do pick ups? The dads aren't taking the career hits in the main are they?

@QueenofTheBorg

I do have full wrap around, but whenever I am picking up it will always be 6 pm, which makes me feel rushed on an evening especially by the time we walk through the door, whereas before I had the option once or twice a week to nip away early, continue my calls in the car, catch up after bedtime.

It was never an issue as I was still a profitable fee earner .

My point is I didn't appreciate this enough when I chose to leave. I've made my bed I will lie in it.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, OP. The 40 hour working week was developed for men who has a wife at home doing everything.

You don't necessarily have to "wait out your time". You don't owe your employer your well being. And sometimes following "the rules" matters a lot less than you think it does.

Why are MNers so obsessed with this?
No, it's about not having to travel from work to do childcare pick-ups.

OP can your child(ren) have their dinner at their childcare so that's one less thing for you to worry about? Do they need a bath every night? 6pm isn't really that late, that was the time I used to get home as well.

When kids were pre-school it was all day daycare. Dropped off at 8.40 collected at 6-6.30.
At school it could be wraparound care.
Holidays are tough. There were activity weeks through school but that was only two weeks. A couple weeks holiday off work. Paid for day camp.
It got to a point that I was basically paying to work, especially with two. Fortunately my DH earned well and after working for over 20 years I felt I'd had enough so quit.
Looking back I don't know how I worked, had kids and did all the other life admin. My DH did all the financial side (paying bills, sorting insurance, mortgage etc). I also had a cleaner!

Why is it not an option at your new place? Perhaps they need some fresh blood to show them things can be different. If you've done well in 6 months, have a chat with HR and explain why you can still make money/ please clients and have flexibility. Show them a different way.

Otherwise, start looking for a new job now. By the time you leave, it will be a year.

I think you have a legal right to put in a flexible working request. Doesn't have to be approved but should be considered against needs of business. What stops you doing that?

Agree with post one you’ve joined a dinosaur company. Professional services these days should be offering flexi working. People have provided comments saying lots of people work set hours, you wouldn’t shut a shop early etc etc but these comments are irrelevant as you don’t work in a shop 🤣 find somewhere else in prof services xx

So why not pay for childcare @stressedagainn?

I think people are being a bit harsh.

I would look at doing some batch cooking at the weekends, get some bolognaise, chilli, curry’s cooked up in advance so dinner can be a quick 10 minute thing. Also if your child is getting a hot meal at their childcare setting, eggs/beans on toast, omelette, picky plate of pitta, hummus and carrot/cucumber sticks will be fine in the evening you don’t need to spend half an hour mashing potatoes and doing an elaborate meal.

Shower/bath together if you’re comfortable too, it gets two jobs done at the same time and is a nice chance for a chat and catch up, play together. I regularly do this with my little ones. I know it’s not for some people though.

Put a flexible working request in. Is there any way they would allow even a 9 day fortnight, so you can have one day off in two weeks by making up the extra time during the other days, it would probably only be 20 minutes or so. Then you have one day alone to get loads done and do drop offs/pick ups etc.

She does. She said she has full time wrap around care and is the last to pick up.

OK - 'better' childcare then! i.e. childcare that works for her/the hours she's working.

I don’t think you need to stick it out. I would start looking now.

Life's too short to stick it out in a job that's not working for you. Start looking for something better.

I WFH 3 days out of 4, can head out to do the nursery run by 5ish every day, and generally have loads of flexibility. My partner is the same. I don't know how we'd manage otherwise.

@notacooldad I'm sure it is what some businesses so deliberately, it's always wrong.

Because they end up with a less diverse workforce that puts them at a disadvantage. Because they lose skills and knowledge and loyalty when those are all hard to find. Because it's bad for morale and work life balance. Because of the fundamental unfairness.

Yeah I used to do all this before COVID

Didn't have a cleaner and a gardener though (that'll be me)

Changed jobs during COVID and luckily we're pretty much WFH all the time: 2 days in the office per month. Usually with an incentive i.e. Lunch provided

A lot of my team have small kids so flexibility is a given

I count my lucky stars to be honest

I used to spend Sunday afternoons batch cooking

That helped.

It's so tough, I know op 💐