Is ‘clingyness’ my fault?

[Iammumof2]

My youngest is 7mo was ebf for 5 months. She is going through a bit of a tough patch. She is so happy and smiley and interactive ! But atm screams and I mean screams at other people who aren’t me , daddy or her big bro (2y7mo)

I don’t know what to do when another family member tries to hold her she’s inconsolable and screams and screams

my toddler also is very mummy , no one else will do. Tantrums if anyone does everything has to be me

partner works away so a lot is me alone

my mum has just said she’s never seen kids so clingy how have I made them this way

the. Blamed breastfeeding?

is it my fault?? I thought some just are clingy and they’re both so young

My granddaughter went through something similar at that age - she was fine with her parents and her granddads, but the other granny and I were distinctly persona non grata.

It was a phase, and it passed.

It's just a phase, I just went with it, and they came through it.

Thanks I did think this? She’s just a baby

my mum was just telling me off because I had to cancel plans with a friend as like I say she screams with anyone but me is incosable so I can’t leave her for a selfish reason

and then just said it’s my fault they’re clingy and asked what I’d done

Nope you didn't do this.

She's 7 months old and you are the only constant in her life. Of course she wants you

Totally normal. I was told it's because they're starting to realise they're separate from you and therefore it's the worst age to start leaving them.

I’m 50/50 on this

BF doesn’t cause it and they do go through phases.

but I do firmly think you can do things to discourage it and things to encourage it.

my DH is hands on when he is around even when my dd was screaming no I want mummy. It would be “easier” short term for me to do it but it’s also making a rod for my own back. She 5 mins of screaming she’s laughing away with daddy…

dd doesn’t get to dictate who puts her to bed we turn take. As a result my oldest isn’t very clingy at all with me

Having had 3dc and nannied more, it's down to the individual child and their personality.
It's not down to bring being a COVID baby, how they're treated etc.

Just like adults, children have different personalities.
My most clingy baby was the most independent child.
My least clingy baby/toddler is the shyest as an adult.

My two youngest were very clingy. For me, personally, I think it was because I did everything (ex dh was useless), I don't have much family around, and of course lock downs made it more isolated.

It definitely wasn't because of breast feeding as my oldest two were breastfed and were literally best friends with everyone!

Totally normal. You are the baby's main caregiver, and they feel safest with you. It probably feels never ending, but by the time they're 7 or 8 and too cool to cuddle in public, you will almost miss this....

7-8 months is a really common age for clinging, nothing you've done and it will pass

Thanks all :)

is there any tips on how I can help my youngest? She really gets so worked up and I want to help her feel comfortable around family , friends etc

Perfectly normal and healthy. It’s separation anxiety and a bit of stranger anxiety. It’s a stage all developmentally healthy and attached babies go through between about 7-12 months.

The best thing to do is just be there to comfort her and make her feel safe and secure. The more secure they feel in their primary attachments, ultimately the more secure they’ll be with others. But you can’t force it. They have to grow into it as they get older.

Yeah as much as my outing sounds nice to me it’s not my time to be selfish like if my kids need me my kids need me and my youngest really does atm

its hard and my eldest is a bit shy atm and he only wants me and my youngest is going through this phase and also for my eldest he’s had to adjust to a younger sibling! So it’s tough for both my babies

i just started getting mum guilt thinking I’d done something wrotn

Please don't worry. Dd2 was very clingy but ended up with very good social skills and very capable and independent

Not too cool to jump into your bed at night though

She just needs to spend more time in their company. My kids treat my sister like a second mum and it's because they've spent much more time with her than other adults in their lives.

Exactly that.

Parenthood is set up to make people feel guilty - it goes with the territory. It is a normal phase, this clinginess. It will pass.

I would add that they need to be sensitive about how they act around your dd, @Iammumof2 - when my granddaughter went through this, her other granny and I didn't insist on cuddling or holding her if she didn't want us to - we were there, in the room, talking to the other people there and to her, but respecting her space (I know that sounds daft, referring to a 7 month old, but our attitude was that she had made a choice and we should respect that).

We didn't make a big thing out of it - we just were present, and in time, she came out of that phase, and now we get cuddles and hugs, and she is completely relaxed with us there.

It’s totally normal and just a phase - it will pass! X you sound like a great mother and you’re meeting your child’s needs really well. Some babies are more “clingy” (I hate that word !) because of temperament just like some will need more reassurance etc.

I like the phrase velcro baby, @Psychologymam - nicer than clingy, I think.

yes! They’re attached - doing exactly what they need to do! Much better description!

Totally normal at this age ignore your Mother.

Some kids are just like that anyway, some grow out of it.

My daughter cried every day of first term up to and including Uni, now 25 drives solo round Europe.

Being a Mum is so hard.

I work in infant feeding and development. All babies go through phases of separation anxiety with their main carer, it’s normal and it passes. It’s nothing to do with bf and you have done nothing wrong. Your mum probably wants a bit more grandma time but really shouldn’t blame you