I'm really struggling and thought I'd post just to share it really. There's too many things at once and I know I'm not able to actually problem solve whole I'm feeling this stressed.
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My mum has some big physical issues and I'm going to her next hospital appointment with her in a few days. She has long term mental health issues and it's not an easy relationship. She wasn't a good mum but it's due to her own stuff and means well. She's losing mobility and I'm worried about the next stages. To add to this I'm sure she's started drinking again and I'm aware this could get difficult.
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Once term starts I won't be able to take her to appointments. I have an in person job.
*work is currently stressful and low paid. I earn 15k a year. I'm lucky in that it's TTO but I'd love to improve my work prospects. I have a good degree but ex teacher and finding it hard to job search. I've been working in a role with adults recently.
*I've got a Dr's appointment to go through referral process for autism/adhd although I know the waiting list is huge.
*I need a different job and to earn more. I've been going in circles the last year looking and not been successful in those I applied for. I can't do f!/t outside the home. Was hoping for 4 days but wondering if I could do more if it was wfh but not sure.
*My husband is lovely but I don't feel we are a team. He is a doer. I can ask him to go to the shops or cook dinner or take the kids out etc but he is no help with all of the above. He will listen and leap to help if I tell him what to do. In many ways we aren't a great match but not being together would only make things worse and I can imagine retirement pottering around with him if I can just sort life out for us now.
- My kids are neurodiverse. This currently makes planning meals tricky, and extra anxiety around planning and changes of plan. Also can do with extra support of me being around. One has some mental health issues so actually now isn't the best time for me to go full time.
Individually I feel I could tackle some of the above - ie be a great carer to mum and kids if I was an old fashioned "wife" and could lean on husbands income for a bit.
If I could focus on career without my physical limitations and carer issues I would move and retrain.
I could probably get on top of cooking proper meals and bringing budget down a bit if I wasn't feeling so overwhelmed...
I need to lose weight and try and build up mobility but also tricky when overwhelmed and exhausted.
I'm feeling so lost 😪. I want a parent to talk things through with and have a hug.