Struggling and scared

[RainyJuly87]

Hello,
I don't really have anyone to talk to in RL so just need to get this out so I feel heard. I've never felt so alone or isolated even though I have family and people around me.

Anxiety is horrendous at present which is causing me to have intermittent depressive episodes and I have this awful 'empty' feeling which is hard to describe. I can be going about my day fairly normally and suddenly the horrid realisation, dread and panic hits me and I feel something terrible is going to happen. I've also been waking up to intense anxiety and fear and it lasts for about half an hour after waking up. There is nothing specific that's causing me to feel like this, it's just a general feeling of utter dread and panic. Hate waking up to this as it sets me up for the day with a negative energy and makes me feel ten times worse than I already do. I feel very lonely with how I feel if that makes sense, even those I'm not lonely.. hard to explain!!

I contacted IAPT for help and found them absolutely useless if I'm honest, dismissive, don't listen properly etc. Left me feeling worse and more anxious and hopeless. I have booked an appointment to see my GP but terrified of going to be honest !! How do you sit there in front of them and say you're struggling?!

I also feel a bit daydreamy at times when I'm very anxious and I think it may be mild derealization where my surroundings appear odd and unfamiliar even though they aren't unfamiliar IYSWIM. Quite scary and unnerving but luckily it doesn't last long. I don't know if it's just my brain trying to compensate for the anxiety. I know it sounds silly. I just don't know.

Sorry my thoughts are fragmented and mixed up and I haven't expressed them very well. I'm just finding it hard and needed to get it all off my chest.
Thank you

OP how old are you? If you’re 40ish these feelings of panic could be perimenopause.

Also I believe you can self refer to NHS talking therapies, the GP doesn’t have to refer you.

Hello
Thanks for the reply. I'm early 40s so this could be a possibility!
I tried talking therapies and found them useless but I can try again and hopefully get a different person than the one I had before

My experience is that I was able to manage anxiety in the past with talking therapies, because I was causing it myself by the way I was thinking. But when it was caused by hormones it was beyond my control, and I needed HRT to fix it.

Anxiety and feelings of dread and doom are common perimenopause symptoms caused by fluctuating hormones. Do you have any other symptoms? Perhaps check out the Menopause board, lots of women struggle with anxiety at this age.

I found IAPT useless as well and had better luck paying for private therapy.

Do you work and if so do you have an employee assistance programme (EAP) as that sometimes includes free private therapy?

Sorry you are feeling so rough. I think it’s a really good idea to see your GP. They are much more clued up about mental health issues than they used to be and see a lot of people who are struggling with mental health issues. I had depression and anxiety last year and my opener was ‘ I’ve been having trouble with my mood’. The GP was excellent, asked a lot of questions and gave me a lot of time. I think just having that focused attention from someone who was taking it seriously was very important, and it started the long process of feeling better.

Derealization is a thing and doesnt sound silly. Make sure you mention this as well. You’ve written a very clear explanation of how you’re feeling so you could print this off and take to the GP if you feel you might be tongue tied in the appointment?

Really hope things improve for you soon.

I instantly thought peri menopause too, especially waking up with anxiety. It’s awful.

I get up and outside, drink water, avoid the phone screen and go for a walk if there’s time. It’s only the odd day that it lingers (pms) and it’s worse on part of my cycle.

could you track it - either with an app or plain old pencil and paper? See if there’s a pattern.

This does sound like perimenopause. Why not try HRT and see if it helps?