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Original poster

Moving out of family home during divorce, what is fair and reasonable regarding mortgage on family home?

16 replies

MirandaPomander · 13/08/2024 20:13

I have made the decision to split from my husband. My choice, not really his, but there are reasons (his behaviour, although he disputes this).

We have two children, 5 and 11.

We both own the house. At the moment we are still living together and it looks like the divorce will take a minimum of 7 months. Obviously, it's pretty painful to be living together.

I earn slightly more and have savings and could afford to rent somewhere which would enable me to have the children 50 percent of the time. If I do this, what is reasonable in terms of how much I continue to pay for the family home? Our mortgage is fairly low so I am thinking that I pay my share of the mortgage as a minimum and then an amount towards bills too. Is that fair? As obviously I will have rent and bills at the new place.

OP posts:
Original poster
MirandaPomander · 13/08/2024 20:37

Shameless bump!

OP posts:
Hall84 · 13/08/2024 20:42

I've paid half the mortgage plus something to my parents as me & my daughter have upped sticks after he told me to leave the house. But in the 5 weeks since this kicked off he's given me £150 towards DD and she's just having her 6th night with him this evening. (I have offered much more, we're doing most the travelling and I've arranged for DD to see his parents at the weekend, which I'll also be doing pick up & drop off for). Like you I am the (slightly) higher earner. Check with a solicitor but I think savings will all be fair game in any settlement.

ForKeenLimeOtter · 13/08/2024 20:43

I think that sounds fair. It's never going to feel completely fair to both of you but you both need to be able to afford to live and look after the children until financial things are sorted long term, so this sounds reasonable in the meantime.

Interested in this thread?

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Family law General money Relationship problems
Original poster
MirandaPomander · 13/08/2024 20:51

Thanks all. Something to add is that I am scared that he will be awkward about things so want to get the child custody in writing beforehand.

OP posts:
Hall84 · 13/08/2024 20:55

Again, best place is a family solicitor for advice but I think as a general rule 50/50 is a likely outcome unless there's anything like he's a sahd etc

ForKeenLimeOtter · 13/08/2024 20:57

I imagine he has similar fears. It's a worrying time for everyone and best to keep communication open and be reasonable and understanding from both sides. Easier than done!

I think it will be difficult to make long term arrangements that can't be changed anytime soon - even if it's put in writing - but great if you can both come to an understanding about what works for you both and what's best for the kids.

Good luck!

GrumpyPanda · 13/08/2024 21:02

On other threads the consensus has been that you don't have to pay anything. Bills are down to what he uses. As to the mortgage, he'd owe you rent for your half of the house. You may be more or less amicable now but the sweetheart deal you're offering him makes it all too tempting to him to drag out a fair settlement.

Original poster
MirandaPomander · 13/08/2024 21:13

I don't quite understand why he'd owe me rent? We own the house together so I think I need to pay my share of the mortgage

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/08/2024 21:19

One of you needs to move out so the rent and mortgage are both shared costs when you think it through.

Original poster
MirandaPomander · 13/08/2024 21:33

Oh do you mean that if I move out and rent, he owes me half my rent as I owe him half the mortgage? That doesn't seem quite right?

OP posts:
milkysmum · 13/08/2024 21:45

Can he afford to pay the mortgage himself whilst the divorce goes through? I'm not sure why you would be paying your rent and half the mortgage + bills. Surely you both pay costs on the property you are living in until divorce is finalised and either house is sold or one of you buys the other out.

RandomMess · 13/08/2024 21:59

Well yes, if he moved out and rented would you accept paying the mortgage on your own or would you expect him to pay rent whilst you benefited from having the marital home to yourself?

Quitelikeit · 13/08/2024 22:02

Not sure why you need to pay his bills?

Greenbike · 13/08/2024 22:10

I think paying half the mortgage plus a share of the bills is too generous. Think of it this way: you’ll still own half the house (presumably) but he will be living in all of the house. So if you’re paying half the mortgage, he should be paying you rent on your half of the house. Work out what the house would rent for, divide that by two, then subtract that sum from your contribution. That would be fair. Alternatively, as PP have said, ask him to pay half your rent if you’re paying half his mortgage.

(Disclaimer: I’m not a lawyer, not legal advice etc…)

Soontobe60 · 13/08/2024 22:16

One thing no one has picked up on as yet, you said you have savings - all monies are treated as joint - debts and savings included. So even if the savings are in an account in your sole name, they have to be declared and included in the financial arrangements.

Original poster
MirandaPomander · 13/08/2024 22:32

Soontobe60 · 13/08/2024 22:16

One thing no one has picked up on as yet, you said you have savings - all monies are treated as joint - debts and savings included. So even if the savings are in an account in your sole name, they have to be declared and included in the financial arrangements.

Absolutely, and that is something that we're going to include in the financial settlement.

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