Would you ask partner for money?

[ohlifee]

Me and my partner live together
I work 30 hours a week (I want more but can't get any )
I'm on £11.50 a hour
After tax /insurance /pension I'm left with around £1,100
After bills I'm left with around £250
£100 is for travel to work and the rest is food /necessities

Partner gives me £340 a month towards bills

Rent is £465
Gas/electric £130
Council tax £95

So that amount is about right

He is in a much higher paid job and normally after bills has around £1,400 left for himself

I'm honestly on the bones of my arse
He knows I have nothing
He says it's "our money "
But it's not as we have separate banks and he spends his money
I spend mine

Would I be really cheeky asking for an extra £100?
He would still have £1,300 left

I don’t think it is cheeky. IMO when you are serious enough to be living together money should be pooled.
When me and DH first moved in together (many years before we were married), we had seperate bank accounts, but when anything was needed whoever had enough in their account paid for it, no matter which one it was for. We saw it as both of our money.

What's the future? marriage and kids or just partners?

I think you should renegotiate your financial split.

Instead of working on the amounts, calculate it as a percentage of your income.

See, it sounds fair when you say you each pay 50% of the bills but when you calculate that as a percentage of income and you realise you are contributing, for example 80% of your income and he is contributing, say, 30% of his (percentages pulled out of my arse for illustrative purposes) then suddenly you see it's really not that fair when you are supposed to be a couple building a life together.

Talk to him.

OK, so your partner has £1740 a month.
You have £1100.

It sounds like you split bills equally?

I'd suggest he pays a greater proportion of the bills to reflect his higher salary.

It's a slightly difficult one because you are working part time and he is working full time, but maybe you can reflect that difference in you picking up the majority of household chores or similar?

I think you should re-think this relationship. I assume he knows what you earn and how broke you are. Unless he then pays for all socialising / fun money for you both so you don't need to spend your money then he is an arse. I wouldn't do fun things for me and leave my partner out because he earns less than me.

At a minimum you need to renegotiate your split of bills. Both parties should do equal "work" and this includes house work and then have equal spending money after bills (assuming you aren't servicing a large debt from pre-partner or paying to support kids that aren't his and that he hasn't claimed).

How do you split food costs?

We just buy weekly
A lot of the time it is me buying our food
We want to get married so it is a long term thing

Yes who does pay for fun stuff, holidays, meals out?

We take it in turns
Sometimes me
Sometimes him

This doesn't sound fair at all. You should give the same proportion towards rent and bills.

Just seen that you take it in turns to pay for outings.

He's self absorbed if he can't see the huge disparity in disposable income and still lets you put your hand in your pocket.

You are buying most of the food? No, he pays half, that will give you a little more straight away. You need to be saving a little, too.
You clearly cannot afford holidays and outings on your remaining income, so he either pays for most of those, or you start the whole thing over, paying proportionately.

Do you have broadband, tv package, tv licence, home insurance ? if yes then you need to charge him half of these payments aswell. Food i'm assuming its just the two of you so about £ 75 to £100 per week.

He needs to increase his amount to include the food and any other bills that you pay for the house.

The minimum he should be paying is £800 per month as if he was in his own place it would be a least double that.

If he does not willingly change things, he is not a good bet for marriage and possibly children.
He's not even paying for half of the bills - you are £5 light. Wouldn't think twice if you were similarly circumstanced, but you are not, and a decent person would be paying slightly more, not 'Here, that's roughly right' and under paying every month.
Where does he think the food is coming from?
He would probably pay more than that staying at his mum's. Don't become his Mum.

He's not paying for food? Why ever not? Time to sit down with a list or a spreadsheet. If he starts to get stroppy tell him that meanness is not attractive.

Can't believe he would leave you permanently skint like that 🙄

Ps don't marry him if he's tight, it'll only get worse..

Hang on, so not only are you paying half of the bills when you earn less but you buy most of the food too? He should pay half of the food bill!

Rent is £465
Gas/electric £130
Council tax £95
That's £690
He pays £340 and so that means you pay £350

What about water rates? Who pays that?
Broadband?
Contents insurance?
Any TV subscriptions?
Other monthly bills?

I think you're being mugged off mate.

Who pays for tv licence, internet wtc

OP, is he living in your house? I assume so if he is contributing to your rent?

If so, he's using your washing machine, your furniture, your bedding. He needs to be contributing to wear and tear.

I bet he eats more than you do. Does he drink alcohol and expect it to be included in the family shopping. I found my ex put my grocery bill up by about 180% when he lived with me.

Does he also pay half of the water bill, tv licence, broadband, house insurance?

I don’t need to ask my partner for money, what’s his is mine and mine is his. We pool and share all our money. We never need to have a conversation about money.

He needs to be paying a couple of hundred more a month - for food and the other bills + a bit extra for being higher earner. If it's 'our money' then it's not a problem is it? If he refuses then you know he's a tight arse and not marriage material.

I'm a man. I think he should give you more. Proportionally you're worse off.
I cover things and too my wife up so we both have 1,000/mo disposable. If my pay fell I'd ensure it's at least 50-50. You're suppose to be a team...