In-laws being the voice of doom

[elliejjtiny]

Like many of us in the summer holidays we are alternating between time at home and cheap days out. In laws are looking after SIL's dc over most of the summer. I thought they might want suggestions of affordable places to go so I was telling them where we've been. They aren't interested though which is fair enough. But they are being really negative about everywhere we are going, saying things like we shouldn't go anywhere further than about 5 miles because we will probably get stuck in traffic. When I mentioned going to a cheap museum they pointed out that we would still have to pay for parking. We went out recently to an attraction about an hour away and the in-laws told us several times we shouldn't go. Obviously I have stopped telling them about anywhere we have been or are planning to go but the dc sometimes tell them and then they start off with the voice of doom again.

It’s not the biggest deal I understand how frustrating it can be dealing with people who pick up negative in the situation all the time my ex used to do it. I think he got it from his mother because she does too. Somewhere on bank holiday, but it will be so busy there’s no point. It used to piss me off because of this one negative thing then have to stay home and do nothing. Just don’t bother telling them anymore, it’s not worth it

Just counter with ‘DC really enjoyed it’ every time they try and suck the joy out! They are just trying to justify not going themselves. However, as grandparents, they may not have the energy to take children out for the day regularly.

Thank you. I think saying that the dc really enjoyed it is a really good idea.

"Well we like it there Ethel". Every time.

My ils are a bit like this I send pics of kids having a great time xx

My DH has slid into this behavior/talk. Always a no…weather parking people blah blah. This from a man who loved planning and going on days out. It’s annoying to me and as pp said…sit at home and do nothing as an alternative. Your PIL are negative because they don’t want to go feel obligated to “criticize it down” to something no one should want to do. I note the behavior..that’s a negative comment or that’s a negative view or yes the parking is tricky and then say but I’m not letting that stop us and we had a great time. Sad for cousins who don’t get to go as many places. Or it all went smoothly and was fun. I also think older PIL may point out negatives rather than be honest and say…cost/ no energy/ grandkids don’t listen. They criticize the event rather than be honest about why they don’t want to attend

How many dc does sil have? Maybe they cba to trail them around.

It sounds as though the children are essentially stuck at home with their grandparents for 6 weeks. Does Sil realise that the grandparents aren't making much of an effort to take her children out?

Have some car games ready to share - I spy etc - with in-laws.
Tell them you are prepared for the traffic jams. Ha ha.

Your in-laws are old and have no energy but keep telling the cousins about your adventures as they possibly enjoy hearing about the fun.
Perhaps you could invite them all (or one chiild at a time) on some of your closer outings and in-laws might feel refreshed. Or have a cousin over to camp in the back yard.

Thank you. Sil has 2 dc who are happy to gawp at their phones/tablets all day. My dc would be still awake at 2am if we let them do that but it doesn't seem to affect Sil's dc. Bil and Sil are both very high earners so their dc don't miss out on trips out. In laws are early/mid sixties. We are all going out on Monday so will probably end up helping in-laws with the dc then. It doesn't bother me if they don't want to take dn's out, it's them telling me not to go that I object to.

Ignore them. Simple.

What was their reasoning for why you shouldn’t go?

Different reasons for different activities.
Cheap interactive museum - we'd still have to pay for car parking
Anything more than about 5 miles away - traffic
Anything on a Friday or Saturday - too busy
Meeting up with friends - they will probably cancel
Anything else - it will probably rain.

Ironically they went on holiday last week 4 hours drive away but that was acceptable for some unknown reason!

I wonder how on hell they wound up with this bleak mindset?!

God my in laws are like this about absolutely everything, it’s so draining, especially MIL, she will always always find something to be negative about no matter what.

Same kinds of things OP, oh but where will you park/you’ll have to pay to park (so what?🤷‍♀️), such a person what there once and didn’t enjoy it (who cares?), won’t that be expensive? (if it is, we’ve budgeted for it), oh that’s too long a long drive (they literally won’t go anywhere more than 20mins drive and are astounded people will happily go further)

It sounds like your in laws are easily overwhelmed by small things you take in your stride. This could be due to their health or energy levels so i would just see them as having different needs to you and your kids. Don't take what they say as advice/criticism but see it as being about what they need. Also they may find things a bit more stressful when they have the dc to look after.

Obviously you do need to think about "hidden costs" like parking, travel and so on if you are on a very tight budget, but for a lot if people they can afford that if the attraction itself is cheap. If that's the case with you then there's no problem.

Thank you. We are on a tight budget but we save dh's birthday/Christmas money to spend on some fun trips out in the school holidays. My birthday/Christmas money gets saved too and gets spent on replacing the big toys for the dc like the climbing frame etc when needed.

We like to do one trip to a local theme park, one or 2 days in the city an hour away to do the cheap/free museums and a mooch round the shopping centre. Then whatever is advertised locally for a couple of pounds per child or less.