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Anyone else not have 'a village' for support?

3 replies

Hhorsefield · 13/08/2024 08:58

Not sure the point to this post other than to find others who have had a baby and had little family support.

My baby is 8 weeks now and my mum and sister have visited twice, my dad met her once at the hospital after birth, and my brother still hasn't met her.

Maybe my mum only coming twice since I gave birth is normal but l've let on a number of times that I need support, just to have her come round for a cuppa and to give me a hug, some advice and tell me everything will be okay. My mum is retired and has a car, so even though we live 30 minutes away, there’s no real reason she can’t come over.

I had an emergency c-section and it was like nothing had happened - the first of the 2 visits, she asked me if I wanted to meet her at a shopping centre 7 days after birth rather than come visit us at home. I had to explain that I was in a lot of pain, and reminded her that I couldn’t drive and had a 1 week old baby to take care of.

I tried to call my mum 2 weeks ago and then text saying I just needed to hear her voice as l'd just got back from a stressful trip with baby and was a little worked up. She didn't call back and just text me saying 'check if she's hungry, needs her nappy changing or she's tired. Once she's settled, do something for yourself to relax.’

I hear new mums talking about their amazing relationship with their own mums and how much effort they make to be in their baby’s life, and all I feel is jealousy. I’m on my own every day, and knowing my mum is free most days but doesn’t seem to want to see us is tough.

I don't need her to be there to look after my baby, I know that's my job and I love being a mum - but I want her company, and part of me wants her to be there to care of me a little bit. I’m 29 years old but I just want my mum to be there for me :(

OP posts:
Sammysquiz · 13/08/2024 09:12

My mum was like this. I really struggled & she kept saying ‘well, I didn’t have any help when you were a baby, so I just had to manage’. Felt like screaming ‘yes, but that must’ve been shit! Why would you want the same for me??!’

Have you got supportive friends you can lean on?

Shesellsseashellsontheseasure · 13/08/2024 09:15

My mum was the same too. My advice is to change your expectations of your family as it will only make things harder for you if you don't. I wish my mum had broken the chain of lack of support but she didn't and I resent her for it.

QforCucumber · 13/08/2024 09:17

oh @Hhorsefield its so so tough and I'm so sorry you're feeling this way,
I have 2 boys now who are 8 and 4 (had my first at 29 like you) I have no relationship with my mum at all, but my MIL is an absolute angel. What's your relationship with yours like?
DH and I have had both the boys with no support, no nights off really etc, we have my mil (but she is 72 and on her own) and a childminder who is worth her weight in gold. I have promised that when my boys are older, if they have children I hope to be the support that I needed when they were small.

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