I just let them get away with it

[Moonlighting]

I feel so awful…

I was at the park with my toddler. A couple of teenagers were chatting on the swings next to us. I barely noticed them until one said really loudly ‘fcking pki’. I looked over and he looked at me and said ‘yeah that’s right, fcking pkis’ and I just looked away.

I so wanted to say something but I just didn’t have the guts. I don’t know if it was directed at us or they were talking about someone else but it’s still wrong and they’re just kids, and I could have said something.

I remember my mum running out into the street and telling off some older boys that had been horrible to me when I was walking back from school. I want to be a mum who can do that for my children but today I just kept my mouth shut. Obviously my 16-month-old knows nothing but I know that I didn’t stand up for him.

OP, I'm so sorry you've had to experience this. The UK has lost its mind in the last few weeks, innocent people have been severely harmed. You did what was best in that situation to protect your son from mindless, unhinged scum. You have no reason to feel awful.

That's horrible....poor you. It's easy in hindsight to think about what we wished we had said but your silence was probably your own self preservation. It's scary sometimes when you're in that moment.

I can see why you made that decision - confronting them would probably have scared your toddler, and division is what they want, they'd have enjoyed it, probably filmed you and pretended you had a go at them for no reason. What they need is better education and decent role models and a smacked arse

Different times when you were at school and you have a small child with you to protect. Never know if the racist idiots will attack you.

Thanks for being kind. I think I’m just feeling it because they only looked young, somewhere between 12-14, so not sure I genuinely feared any violent retribution from them. More that I myself was a coward.

Also partly feeling depressed that we spent so much money to move to a supposedly nicer area when the same old shit is here as anywhere else and there’s nothing I can really do to protect my kids from it.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, they’re a disgrace and you shouldn’t have to hear this kind of abuse :(

I think given you had your little boy with you ignoring them is probably best, sad as it is, they’re looking for a reaction and it would only scare your little one if anything escalated. That doesn’t mean it’s in any way acceptable, but self preservation is also important.

Don't suppose they were wearing a recognisable school uniform? If so you could call the school?

I'm so sorry this happened - it's an absolute disgrace. You have nothing to feel bad about - a retaliation would have scared your son. It's the kids who should feel shame.

So sorry this happened.

It's common to just freeze in situations like that.

My husband was on the bus with our toddler and some youths started yelling antisemitic abuse at him. He's had his fair share of scraps in his life but he said he just froze and got off the bus as quickly as he could with DD.

What A disgusting thing for them to say. I don’t blame you for not jumping into action, you must have been all over the place.

Kids these days are more violent than in your mum’s day. You 100% did the right thing by not escalating the situation.

You made a decision not to react on the perfectly sensible grounds of not frightening your toddler with a potentially aggressive encounter. I think you should honour yourself for that, and not blame yourself for not escalating a situation you should never have to deal with. When you’re calmer, have a think about how you might respond in similar circumstances in future.

And as someone white but of an ethnicity widely stereotyped by a minority of white English people, I can assure you that upmarket areas are not immune. I’ve met with deeply unpleasant attitudes at Oxford high tables. Rather more coded, but same sentiment.

They were looking for a reaction and you were right not to give them one. You were alone with your child, if you were surrounded by people I hope someone would have stood up to them.

They obviously hear this from their family and peers, it's an awful attitude to have. Racism and xenophobia are abhorrent traits in a person.

I am so sorry this has happened to you op.
Please be kind to yourself - even if they were only 12-14, there was a group of them and they'd just egg each other in on a crowd. To react may have made the situation worse.

I've found myself intimidated by a group of similarly aged boys - they were pulling up saplings in a newly planted part of the park. I politely said they should stop and they told me to "fuck off bitch how you going to stop us?". I could see them sort of feeding off the energy of their ringleader and at that moment I felt like I'd nearly provoked them. I left with my son and they shouted stuff after me. My son said he'd felt scared they were going to hit me and I felt silly for having said something. But I'd also have felt bad for not saying anything?

It's hard to know what to do in a situation sometimes. Again, I'm sorry this happened to you.

Don't be too hard on yourself @Moonlighting they probably did it to get a reaction and as you didn't it fell rather flat. Sometimes it is best to just treat the remark and those who say it with the contempt it deserves.

It is revolting they feel emboldened enough to say it in the first place what a dreadful reflection on them and their upbringing.

You weren't a coward and you shouldn't have to put up with this, I am sorry

I’ve got to agree with the poster who said times are different. This teenager was looking for a fight. Those that go looking for fights these days are often the ones carrying the knives.

With a 16 month old, you have to think about your safety first, so you live to teach your child morals later!

You’ve been a victim of a crime. It’s normal to blame yourself and think you should have done something differently, but none of this is on you. Those feelings are how these people get away with it.

Call 111 and report it OP. Get a crime number. It's a crime, and you might not be the last person they verbally attack.

I am so so sorry this happened to you. Do report it if you feel you can. Best wishes x

Thanks everyone for the kindness and support, and sorry to those of you who have experienced similar and worse.

You're quite right that there’s no saying who is carrying a knife these days (or even just willing to get into a physical fight) and I’d definitely be teaching my son not to get into one with someone like this. So I guess this is good role modelling! My DH was like ‘why didn’t you say anything?!’ when I told him, but I think I’ll be telling him this evening that he was wrong!

I never thought of this as a crime but I suppose it probably is. I’ll have a think and maybe will report it for the sake of the statistics (although after last week I don’t think anyone can argue that racism doesn’t exist in the UK anymore).