When you get a strange message over messenger from ex.

[Mumandcarer80]

I got this really strange text off someone I dated when I was at college 16-17. He wasn't at college but I was friends with his sister and step sister who were that's how we met.

He was 19 when I started going out with him. I found out he was seeing someone else with a baby (not his baby). So I started seeing someone else moved on and forgot about him.

I don't have ex's on social media. So I was checking my spam messages last night. As I do get the odd message off creeps and spam etc and of course block and delete them when this message comes up. 29 year's later I get an apology.🤣🤣🤣I have no regrets he did me a favour. But I get the feeling he's trying to get in my knickers he can pissoff.

Just to add if you click on the screenshot you can see my response.

Spag not really his strong point!

Ignore. Weird as it is.

Hi OP, you'd posted this thread in Site Stuff so we're moving it to our Chat topic.

But I get the feeling he's trying to get in my knickers he can pissoff

how is tha4 message trying to get in your knickers?

I had something similar ages ago. We did briefly chat after the message and met up. Completely innocent, his mum called in too and we had a coffee. No more than an hour. He said he had matured and felt he needed to right his wrongs, we chatted about our children, not joint, and moved on. I messaged him again when I saw his mum had passed away. No hard feelings between us, we don’t speak anymore but I no longer feel sad about what he did to me.

My guess would be 12 steps or something to do with getting stuff off his chest.

He might have been going through AA? One of the steps is apologising to people he wronged in the past, maybe while drinking.
He should include his English teacher in that list.
Otherwise I guess he did want to try and reconnect? But saying 'sorry,bye' sic doesn't exactly sound like flirty behaviour?

I think it was probably more of an apology message as he might be doing some inner/therapy work and trying to right his wrongs? That message doesn't suggest he's trying it on with you at all. It is a bit strange after 29 years, but maybe that's what he needed to do to gain peace. You probably aren't the only one he messaged to right a wrong.

Urgh why do people do this.

Totally block him the attention seeking berk.

Maybe he’s been having some sort of therapy and is trying to right his wrongs. Putting “bye” at the end suggests he isn’t trying to flirt with you. You could at least have been gracious and accepted his apology instead of laughing.

Generally it’s about sobriety, religion, therapy . I think the ops alone in thinking it means he wants sex.

He's apologised for past misdemeanours and said goodbye. Take it at face value. I'm not sure why you'd read into that that he's trawling for sex necessarily. 12 steps maybe?

So long after a teenage relationship I would have either ignored or accepted with grace and finality depending on the rest of the relationship, not laughed at him. Not nice to be cheated on but it was a lifetime ago, whatever's going on here.

I can personally think of an example of each. The arsehole, I ignored. The overall nice one who were immature and stupid,.if contacted I'd probably let him off the hook but not invite conversation

My first thought was the 12 steps in some rehab or alcohol, cocaine or gamblers anonymous they encourage people to really consider their actions and make apologies often from many years ago

I have an ex from around that age who I treated very badly (I was basically going out with two women at once, one of them in a long distance relationship. When things started catching up with me, I basically just ghosted this woman. Not my proudest moment)

I've often hoped I'd bump into her somewhere so I could apologise. Didn't want to just send her a message via facebook etc. though. Just seemed like it would be for my benefit rather than hers, and might dredge up old feelings.

She actually ended up getting in contact with me on Facebook earlier this year, "for a catchup". I still don't really know what she wanted, but it gave me my opportunity to apologise.

I don't know why it helped, but it did. It's basically the worst thing I'd ever done to another person, and it felt like a little weight that I didn't know was there had been lifted once she'd accepted my apology.

This is where my mind immediately went.

Sobriety, religion, therapy … great.

But he can do that alone, you don’t need to pull everyone else into your drama or enlightenment.

Messaging people just isn’t necessary at all.

It’s taken him 29 years to apparently realise he was a berk for cheating, does he seriously think she will care or want to hear from him by now? It’s just attention seeking ridiculousness.

And unfortunately some people do use that “hey how are you” or “I’m sorry for” …. As an opener to dabble back into other peoples lives.

I know someone who had 3 dates with someone else 20 years ago. He got back together with his ex and moved to South Africa.
He messaged last week saying “Hi I saw your Facebook update and thought I’d drop a message” blah blah blah. She replied “Thanks hope you are well” and next thing he’s on about how he’s on a lone trip back to the uk and would she like to hook up.

My first thought was AA 12 steps or therapy. I think he is brave for sending this and I'd feel grateful if someone who wronged me in the past apologised, even if it's someone i hadn't thought of in years.

I think your reply was mean OP. OK thanks is fine if you don't want to engage in chat. Laughing emojis are very disrespectful.

Shades of My Name is Earl.

I once had something similar and he was trying to get into my knickers lol.

He doesn’t sound that bright.

Um why are you asking me these things, and in such an angry fashion. I don’t know this man or the op.

I’m not angry at all and apologies if it has come across that way.

It appeared you were trying to suggest it would be appropriate to message someone just because you are having therapy, religious reasons etc. Whilst I appreciate it’s growth for that person, applying it to another by sending them an unwanted message is utterly self indulgent. The good old saying “let sleeping dogs lie” should be applied more often.

I suppose I do get uptight about this because I’ve seen it done and being excused as “friendly”, when actually it’s been attempts at cheating or disrespectful behaviour towards another.

I would be more annoyed by the fact that the sender couldn't spell "whether" correctly.

It's called having dyslexia if you know what that is. His spelling is actually better than when I met him.