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Original poster

Holiday child mean to my DD

31 replies

BeretInParis · 12/08/2024 01:59

We're on a week's holiday with some other couples and their kids. Our kids don't know the other children well but have been having great fun together- or so I thought.

One of the girls (aged 10) called my DD9 a 'pig' and a 'fattie' today. My DD was obviously upset. I asked her if she may have inadvertently said anything that might have provoked the other child. She says not. I coached her on a couple of responses should it happen again and tried to cheer her up.

We go home on Wednesday. Do I say anything to the parents? If so, what? Do I just subtly keep the kids apart until we go home? My DD will be left out of the group play if I do that. What would you do?

OP posts:

Beth216 · 15/08/2024 12:56

BeretInParis · 12/08/2024 15:04

Really insightful advice @Jellycatspyjamas. Thank you. I haven't navigated anything like this before and the language you use is really helpful.

I spoke to the mum today in a very light way. Told her what I'd been told, that there's two sides to every story but I thought she'd want to know. She responded in the best way possible - asking clarifying questions, apologising and saying she'd have a chat with her DD.

I feel so much better now and have advocated for my DD. Thanks for everyone's input.

Show quote history

Well done OP it sounds like you handled it really well and hopefully have nipped it in the bud.

wildfellhall · 15/08/2024 13:00

This is one of those tough things that happen to us as we navigate how to be good parents isn't it?

It's hard to say what to do because the impact of any action will be felt differently in any given group.

You could have a word and everyone behaves well and acts appropriately, learns and gets better. But it might all go very differently and you may regret the intervention.

I think only you can work out the best approach given the context - but group holidays often create some inter-family beef.

We once aligned a holiday with a couple and their daughter and they literally pandered to her all day and she had to be given ice cream and mollified like a tyrant. It was maddening. It can be rugged but the benefits can outweigh the negatives.

Kids are tough on each other and some of that makes them stronger, no excuse for mean stuff but mean stuff will happen.

(I'm so delighted that one responder to this post had a child who has not only lost weight now but Glory Be - is now a DOCTOR - that's a relief for everyone I'm sure!)

NowImNotDoingIt · 15/08/2024 14:45

beanii · 15/08/2024 12:48

No I wouldn't say anything to be honest.

Teach her that it doesn't matter what other people say - they're merely words.

Best lesson she can learn.

Meanwhile, in the real world, that's not how it works.

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Leafcutterantsarecool · 15/08/2024 15:00

beanii · 15/08/2024 12:48

No I wouldn't say anything to be honest.

Teach her that it doesn't matter what other people say - they're merely words.

Best lesson she can learn.

Except in many circumstances it actually does matter what people say, and even where it doesn’t it’s simply not possible for anyone, children especially, to never be hurt by other people being verbally unkind. And why should they just put up with it anyway?

“Sticks and stones” and all that is the kind of trite response my parents would have given to my genuine upsets and unfairnesses, thinking it was empowering or something and it really didn’t do my emotional health or ability to actually resolve these issues any favours. Shut up and put up with it because you’re silly to be upset is not a message I’d give my child.

GoFigure235 · 15/08/2024 22:23

You did the right thing for both your DD and this girl. You advocated for your DD and of course it's not in the other child's interests either to get away with such appalling behaviour and to think that she can go through life behaving in this way.

ButtonNoses · 16/08/2024 15:10

Greategret · 12/08/2024 07:15

Is she fat? If she is, I'd be trying to address it now in terms of more exercise and considering what she eats and portion sizes. Snappy comebacks are all very well but, if she is overweight now, she will be facing more comments in the future. Of course, regardless of her weight, the other child is totally unjustified in calling her names and I'd tell the child's parents the sort of spiteful things their child was saying.

I am slightly confused about your comment that you asked your daughter if she may have inadvertently said anything that might have provoked the other child. I don't think some inadvertent comment is any justification for calling a child a "pig" and a "fattie".

One of my children was slightly overweight. They went on to study medicine and did reduce their weight. I suppose finding out the risks they were running with the extra weight spurred them on. I don't recall them ever being called names like pig or fattie though.

Alright almond mum, go away with this attitude.

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