I know it's shallow but I hate my body

[1newname]

I have done for as long as I can remember but much more after having dc. What upsets me is I'm not overweight but I know no matter how much I weigh I will always have loose skin and stretch marks. Every time we go abroad it magnifies my insecurities massively and I end up feeling depressed. I've got loose skin and stretch marks on my stomach, saggy boobs and thin hair. I know it's pathetic and I should count myself lucky but I hate myself. I'm embarrassed by my body as I look ok in clothes but It's like secretly I'm disgusting. Has anyone felt like this and changed?

Bump

My heart does go out to you as I feel like this often and I wish I didn’t and I wish you wouldn’t.

There’s lots of superficial stuff you can do though - spray tan, get nails done, I get hair extensions but I go to an amazing lady and have natural ones to thicken up my hair. I also get eye lash extensions. I am so fake!! But I spend a lot of money for it to look natural!!

I am on holiday right this second and am by the pool. There are lots of different bodies around, none of them perfect, lots of people laughing though. All the things about life being short are true..

You are not disgusting. You are capable, intelligent, the most precious mother to your child(ren). You are so important and your body shape is really one of the least of them x

nothing changes unless you put the work in to the thought processes that are causing it. I know that’s not what you want to hear but there isn’t really a shortcut.

that takes practice and conscience effort and it also requires you to actively oppose the thoughts and physically make choices that go against your thinking because by giving into them you are constantly reinforcing them.

i think it would probably be helpful to get some support for this as its mammoth task to do it on your own but having a space with a professional to explore things and get skills to use going forward

@Cherryana thank you 🙏. I try to make the most of myself naturally but it's just so frustrating that I know it doesn't matter how much exercise I do I'll still probably look like shit due to loose skin from pregnancy.

You're right about different bodies etc, we've just got back from holiday and I know most people are not perfect but somehow my imperfections seem worse, like some kind of dysmorphia. Unfortunately, for some reason all of my self worth seems tied up in my appearance.

@Ginkypig any suggestions on how to put the work in? Do you mean counselling?? Thanks

Yes talking to a professional would be a great idea. It’s hard to change deep rooted thought patterns by yourself especially if you have skills into how.

but also you know already that the things you feel are not the reality but because the thoughts and emotions attached to them are so painful and uncomfortable to deal with rather than confront them and behave in ways that refute them most of us bend to them and act as if they are real but by doing that it reinforces them and helps them flourish which in turn causes us to bend even more creating a viscous cycle.
the only way to break it is to actively decide you will not bow to the emotions even if for the first while it causes anxiety.

so for example if someone hates their ears it might start with wearing their hair down when going out but over time that can grow into always wearing hair down to tying it in a way that the wind can’t blow the hair showing them to wearing a hat to not ever showing them even to yourself in the mirror and on and on.

a big part of it is to be kind to yourself because often the way we think and talk to ourselves is far harsher than it should be. We would never ever dream of saying to our best friend what we say to ourselves and we would be horrified if we overheard someone saying out loud the same thing we think about ourselves to for example our daughter or son! It’s about pulling ourselves up telling ourselves not to talk to ourselves like that telling ourselves we deserve better than to be spoken to like that.
its an odd concept to explain 😳

i will caveat that I am not an expert and would never advocate you pushing yourself into making yourself mentally unwell by adding more stress which is why I think involving a professional therapist is a good way to go.

Thanks @Ginkypig. I've tried to get counselling on the NHS and it never happened!

How old are your dcs op? It can take ages to feel yourself again. I have bad stretch marks on my lower stomach, and some lose skin, things look great in clothes and it is flat, but it is there. Things do look better than they did over time, but after weight loss I think this is the best things will get. I hate the feel of my lower stomach. I have found toning the muscles has helped alot. You can't do much about the skin, it does go back slightly over time, but the muscles have a big impact, and can help suck it in abit.

Nobody prepars women for the changes to your body after birth that can happen. It can have a profound effect on confidence, esp when it isn't self inflicted. We see celebrities bounce back, who have likely had laser treatment, and all of the best medical care, along with filters, and good lightening. Some people are very lucky that they don't get many, but most women will look similar to you, I promise.

I grew to love my body. I’m massively overweight and went through deep depression because of it along with a messy divorce. Weight has always been a noose round my neck but going through those awful years just piled on the pounds through comfort eating! My daughter also has the fat gene! I accept my size, and with a huge tummy, massive bum and flabby saggy boobs I waddle round my world quite happily! As long as I plan things and run my routines!