I'm so done .

[Shitshowme]

I'm so done I can't take any more . I really can't.

I am quite shocked genuinely by the tone of DDs messages, whatever the context. I'm sorry I have no specific advice but all you can do is stop helping her. Just say no I can't do it. You cant change her, you can only change yourself. Are you concerned for the welfare of your GCs, is DD mentally unstable?

I read your other post but didn't reply, I had nothing to add but I remember thinking it sounds incredibly stressful. You deserve better than this.

I hope you got some sleep last night and feel a bit stronger today.

Thank you. That's OK. I just wanted to show someone really. I'm definitely stepping back. I feel very sad . But sgechas mafe me feel worthless and used. I don't deserve that. Like you say I can't control other people only myself. I Need to step away for my own needs. But in a way for her to.

You lost me at “come and get your fucking kids”.

Children learn how to communicate respectfully from their parents. You reap what you sow.

Please show me where I said that .

How old is the child that’s being sent home at 10.45pm
Was that really the plan? Baby sit for a few hours and then send the child home with someone who had been drinking at 9/10/11pm?

Those text messages are awful. From both sides in my opinion.

She never said that

the messages on both side are awful

Neither of you come across well in those messages, I'd ask for them to be deleted.

Have you considered/ can you afford counselling. I'm not allowed to advertise on here but I tell my clients if they want to rant, shout / cry, they've paid so why not. There are organisations out there who can give low cost counseling too.
May help to have somewhere confidential to talk? Or like others have said, what about Samaritans ?Just an idea. Hopefully you'll feel better soon. Sometimes it's worse at night time

I would message something along the lines of 'you chose to have children, that is your responsibility- not mine. I will no longer be babysitting. I will no longer be accepting the way you speak to me. I have more time because I raised my children, now it's your turn to raise yours. '

Then I would block their numbers. Take time to just breathe. Do you have hobbies? Friends you can get together with? Take some time be that a day or a week. If you decide to get back in touch have boundaries.

I basically did already. I have blocked everything.

Nobody wants to reach that point but you have to think of your own mental health and your own life. I hope you manage to find some peace and can relax now

Yeah you both speak to each other like shit. Both of you look bad in this I'm guessing you and your teen DS speak to each other like this too.

My god this is an absolutely horrendous relationship between you all. It needs to stop. Just because someone is family doesn't mean you just have to accept it. Not sure what the takeaway bit was about, just for you? The conversation between you both just sounds vile. You need to cut ties completely. It really is that simple. Your other DS knows that.

I don’t know where I got that from, sorry OP, you didn’t say that sentence at all.

But - I stand my opinion looking at the thread again. You can’t expect your children to speak respectfully when you don’t.

Personally if my daughter was talking to me like that she'd be blocked. She sounds very entitled! Stop babysitting, she will be sorry before you are. My mum is really helpful with my kids and is happy to babysit anytime but if she said I had to collect them by a certain time I certainly wouldn't be telling her she owed me!

Honestly OP I think the only way you can solve all of this is by inventing a time machine and going back to when your son and daughter were tiny. And then start teaching them and showing them acceptable behaviour and enforcing appropriate boundaries.

Just loving your children and wanting to help them out simply isn't enough, not by a long chalk. In wanting to help them you have created these monsters who clearly don't value you at all.

You can't change their behaviour, all you can change is your own behaviour. I think all you can feasibly do here is detach yourself for the time being. But do it quietly and with dignity. Stop with the shouty messaging and face offs and do not rise to anything your DCs say to you.

Sadly I think you need to reconcile yourself to the fact there are no happy endings here because the damage is done. And you perhaps need to accept that some people's 'love' just isn't worth the having.

Thank you. I understand that. I think it came From where I never got help at all . O did mlt want dd to feel she would not . But I can definitely see where I have gone wrong.

There have been no messages since last night and ik going to leave it that way . I am going to distance myself quietly.

The messages aren’t great from either side. Poor kids. It sounds pretty toxic all around and you should definitely step away from each other for a while.

Oh blimey. It does look like things are escalating between you. Are you the woman who decorated the children's bedrooms and did a huge clean up ? (Same writing style) You've done so much. If I'm thinking right that you are the same person, your DD doesn't have any respect for you. She's been through a lot too in her life but she needs to have respect for you. You do a lot for her, don't you take 2 buses to get all the children to school ? Sometimes taking a step back and letting people fend for themselves can enlighten them as to how much you do .

Also add baby sitting 3 days a week. Plus when dd wants to go out in the evening with friends. Although that's not overly often to be honest but still... had both kids so she could go on holiday. Also helped her to keep her kids out of care ... Also managed to stop council sending her out of London. Always there for her when the shit hit the fan ... when social services adjed me to do this and that etc etc ... but dd has now told me I have not ever done a thing for her.

Oh and always comes on days out with me etc

It feels scary in a way that she sincerely believes that.