How do I help DC get on better? Or just stopping annoying the crap out of each other?

[Allnewtometoo]

2 sons, 18 months apart. They're like chalk and cheese. They have NEVER done the cute sibling thing where they love each other. End if week 3 of the summer hols and they are thoroughly fed up with each other. Not helped by me being single so they're both with me together, no other parent to take one out.

They bicker and argue and mock and wind each other up all the time. One is really horrid (calls the other one a loser, stupid , cry baby etc) the other is more sneaky (you don't notice he's annoying the other, til the other whacks him).

They do stuff on purpose to upset/annoying each other.

The way they speak to each other can be dreadful.

Disclaimer. They can both be amazing. Kind, smart, funny, helpful, loving. Seperately they are a joy. Today, together, they have been....wearing. Also, i dobt soeak to them in the way they speak to each other. Their father will speak to people like it though they only spend a few hours a week with him, they've both commented on how he speaks to hus parents in front of them.

I dont let it slide ever but they just seem to get worse. I just dont know what to do to make a difference.

Hopeful bump...

How old are they?
Sounds like they need time apart, even just in seperate rooms!

Family meeting to agree ground rules and respecting each other?

They may be siblings, but it doesn't mean they have to like each other. Basic respect and politeness should be expected, though.
Mine rarely speak, nothing in common apart from parentage.
As kids, I ensured they could follow their own interests, friendships, educational chances, and different schools for a while.
They did contact each other while their father was ill to ensure I was supported, and I take that as success.

Compromise is useful, 'Peter does this and Michael can do his later.' Any grief, neither get!

Theyre 7 and 9. The 7 yr old can be so scathing, and verbally unpleasant.

Seperate time would be great, it's very difficult to achieve.

Family meeting is a good idea

They can get on well. But the rudeness and really, at times, bullying, is not acceptable.

Have you read "how to talk so kids will listen, listen so kids will talk"

Plus

"Siblings without rivalry"

Both very very helpful and unpicking what is really going on and how to respond to it.

You dish out a rule so awful that they join together to bitch about you. Nothing like a common enemy to bring together a sibling relationship.

Haha I do the opposite but with the same psychology ... they're both utter maths and science geeks so I say something stupid about space or something, and they gang up on me to explain it like I'm a three year old.

Haha yes!
Mine are too old for the weird GenAlpha lingo but the OP could start saying things like “skippy bathroom Oklahoma” and watch them combust with embarrassment and huddle together and discuss what an absolute nightmare she is!

☝️this. Unite them against you. I also get on very well with my DBs.

Can’t remember where I read/heard this but someone had a similar problem and developed “team work points”, which the kids got any time they were (genuinely) nice to each other or worked together. When you hit a certain number they both get a reward (screen time/ice cream/whatever)

I have twins and have/had similar issues.

Separate time - no enforced activities (I mean like things designed to have 'fun' and bond).

As much time with each kid one on one as you can but appreciate that sounds tricky in your situation

Consistency in punishment whilst recognising they are different. I struggle with this tbh and have got it a bit wrong.

Don't expect them to get on. They don't have to but they have to be civil.

Basically give them space. And yeah, mine love to point out my flaws as a bonding experience.

I got on really well with my sibling so the fact mine dont always came as a bit of a shock tbh. It is getting better as they grow up - I'd say ages 10/11 they were feral tbh.

This is an interesting one. My two are different sexes and nearly 5 years apart and sometimes it’s like having two only children, they interact so little, but I can see it’s the younger one modelling how little the older one interacts with them. I do get that at 7 and 12 they have very little in common but it’s getting very dispiriting. I’ve started explaining to the older one that they need to make an effort and try to occasionally be friends or do something together. I quite like the teamwork idea, maybe there’s something there.

They don’t dislike each other and don’t fight, which is a blessing I suppose, but it’s very sad really that they have so little to do with each other.

I have a pile of parenting books, as yet unread. Must try harder.

I do like the teamwork idea.

Personally I'd just let them get on with it, we don't have to like our siblings.