What would you say causes this behaviour

[Isitmeorher]

This person cannot hold down a job. They have had quite a few and they always go the same way:

1. Wonderful new job, love it here, I think this is the one
2. I'm doing really well, lots of praise, they're even talking about promotion
3. Someone has annoyed me
4. Someone is still annoying me and I have reported them to HR
5. Why aren't they being fired?
6. Everybody hates me
7. This job is crap
8. Maybe I should leave
9. Resign

This isn't me, I've just written it as first person to make it easier, but they are somebody I know very well. This is also very simplified.

I should point out that they really want to work.

I think autism, but they won't discuss it with me. They think ADHD as several of their acquaintances are diagnosed (mostly self diagnosed) with it.

If they have either of these (or something else?) then would a diagnosis help? What else would help?

I desperately want to help them but I'm out of my depth. They have just started this again in their latest job, which is the longest yet, but I can see how it is going to go.

I'm watching because this sounds like me, but I do hold down jobs..I just get fed up of them!

Ambivalent attachment style.

Before I even got to your thought, I was going to say neurodivergence. Rejection sensitive dysphoria is quite common for many who are neurodiverse.

I’d be more inclined to think ADHD over autism but that’s just from personal experience as I’m not qualified to assess and the person might be neurotypical.

And Me! which is probably why I'm struggling to help them😁but I did manage to hold jobs for several years before changing.

Not sure on this, my gut tells me no, but I'll research it more

Sounds like ADHD. It runs in my family. In my experience sufferers take offence ridiculously easily and are rarely open to compromise. My own mother spent her life in an almost permanent state of indignation/perceived slights against her. Also, the novelty of something wearing of very quickly. Everything is wonderful until suddently it isn't.

The first article coming up on this suggests low esteem etc.

This person can be full of themselves, better than anyone else at their job etc.

I'll look into this further though

This description so far seems to be the closest.

When they are faced with a stressy situation i.e. something has gone wrong, might be quite minor but involve a deadline etc, they can become very bossy, argumentative, snappy. Does this sound like ADHD?

I've heard narcissists have similar employment patterns. Get new job, all proud because the employer has recognised their brilliance, then a bit later on they get criticised or actually expected to put some graft in, employers are now idiots failing to respect brilliance, disillusioned with job, leaves.

Does that sound like your friend? Being "full of themself" struck a chord.

Having ADHD doesn’t necessarily cover all behaviours and it doesn’t stop someone have various qualities that has nothing to do with how their brain works.

Some people can be bossy, argumentative and snappy with no underlying condition. Likewise, someone can have the same behaviours and be ND.

I'm like this, and I have been diagnosed with autism and I am under assessment for ADHD.

I can't really offer much advice to help tbh, I have escaped the working world by becoming a sahm and have no plans to ever go back. Not sure I should recommend that as a solution, although it has worked well for me!

ADHD - ooh, shiny new job, I can do this, let me learn all the things all in one go.

Oh shit, erm, okay, I've learned this bit, but I didn't read properly for the next bit.

What is this instruction? It's just a big wall of text and I can't break it down enough to read it and process it?

Oh fuck, I've got so much to do but I can't actually get started on any of it so I'm going to do this unimportant thing as the important thing is way too overwhelming to even consider.

Deadline approaching, stay up all fucking night to get it done, forget to eat or drink, never mind rest or sleep.

Open mouth to someone, say something that is way too blunt and not meant how it sounds.

Realise that you've fucked up again, are just shit at life. Everyone now fucking hates you.

Rinse and repeat.

Narcissism.

I’ve seen it with diagnosed narcs.

This was my late husband. He had ASD and ADHD. He did this all the time. He was actually very good, in fact I would say excellent, at his job. But, he would leave if he so much had a disagreement with a colleague, not an argument, just a difference of opinion. He got bored so quickly, he was never satisfied, it was always a total nightmare. He drove me to despair with his constant need for change.

To answer a couple of points. They are definitely not lazy. They tend to put in extra. They are very good at their job but are perfectionists which can rub some people up the wrong way. Very quick to learn new skills. They stated recently that they enjoy the job but not the people issues.

When not working (as in between jobs) they are lovely to be around.

They make friends easily but were bullied at school. Good childhood but an only child.

They tend to make decisions without thinking it through, some of which have caused issues.

They sound like a fairly typical female presentation who is good at masking (like so many females are, hence the fact they are undiagnosed and often oblivious to their conditions).

A few answers have suggested ADHD and or ASD.

Is it worth getting a proper diagnosis? How would it help them? I’m guessing there is no treatment as such.

Only person I ever knew like this had BPD. I finally saw sense and ran a mile. They had lots of other shit going on too.

This sounds incredibly similar to me. I have been diagnosed with anxiety, and have suffered with depression before, but the more I’m reading about ADHD and autism and how it presents in female adults and at work, the more I think I’m undiagnosed in one of two of these conditions.

Sounds like my last 2 jobs.
Awaiting ADHD assessment now.
I get bored v easily and drained by perceived rejection.
I did wonder if I'm a narcissist.
I do think it's an adrenaline rush that fades in time leaving us unfulfilled.

Yes, it really does sound like it to me but obviously only based on my personal experience of a mother and son with it. The bossy bit in particular. Actually dogmatic would be a better description. They know best (even thought they probably don't) and try to shut down everyone else's opinion.