Other people chiming in

[Cocobeau]

I’m curious how other people feel about this.

Picture the scenario; you’re out with your toddler and parter, plus some other family or friends. Your toddler has a meltdown about something minor, as they do, so you begin to deal with the situation, say by picking up toddler and talking to them.

At the same time, the people you’re with chime in with things like “hey toddler, come on stop the noise”, what’s up toddler, why are you crying”, “hey toddler, look over there”. That sort of thing. All well meaning, but to me just feels a bit much. Like, back off and let me (or partner) deal with it.

It doesn’t actually seem to help anything anyway, to me it’s just more noise to filter. Am I just a bit mardy?

They’re just being well-meaning, trying to help. But I can understand it must be a bit irritating if you’ve got you own way off handling the toddler. Just say ‘thanks, leave it to me I know how best to deal with this behaviour’.

I'm curious as to the setting. Where were you? Should you have removed your child instead of standing there holding them?

We were outside a cafe we had just left in the particular instance. And I did walk away, after I picked child up but we were all walking as we were going back to the car. But I don’t see what difference it makes. I could have been in a field, I’d still find it annoying.

I totally agree OP! My DS is a drama king with his tantrums and I loathe it when people try and help. I know they mean well but it's just irritating. A sympathetic look would be much better...or just ignore it!

I think you have to remember how awful it is to listen to a screaming toddler or a sad child! As parents we get, erm... a certain immunity? Deafened?

They feel uncomfortable and awkward and desperately want to make it stop, or feel like they are doing something to help.

Drives me dotty too though. I want to sat "thank you for making my overwhelmed toddler even more disregulated!" (Or just Foff, let's be honest.) Assume positive intent though!

I think a lot of people hope that a stranger talking them will take them more by surprise and stop the tantrum in its tracks. Less likely but sounds like you've jumped to this?- the tantrum was really bloody irritating and they didn't think you were dealing with it quickly enough.

@PenguinCounter it’s not strangers I’m talking about. And it would be physically impossible for me to respond any quicker - the sound of it goes right through me so I don’t let it just play out. My question isn’t about how I can handle things differently, I’m comfortable with how I deal with it. I’m just curious if other people find it annoying too.

pleased I’m not the only one. But I will continue to politely ignore the interned help as I’ve no desire to fall out with people over it.

I sometimes say "it's just his personality" if anyone involves themselves. I try not to though as I'm sure it goes against all the Montessori/gentle parenting advice for him to hear that!