AIBU to get angry at my sister for this.

[Fedup369]

This was a while ago and it's all sorted and forgotten (by everyone but me) now but it still annoys me and so just want others opinions on it.

So when I was pregnant with my third (who's almost 2 now and here and healthy thankfully) I had a massive subchrionic hematoma. It's basically a lot of bleeding.
I thought I had lost her, I was around 7 weeks when this happened. I was devastated and in a really bad place at the time but it was my sons birthday so having been out all day at a water park of all places, I had invited my family round for a a takeaway and to sing him happy birthday.

They came round at about 6 and all was well, I had told them what was going on at about 8 we sang happy birthday and nobody wanted cake yet as we were too full from the takeaway.

At about 9 I politely asked if I could cut the cake up for everyone to take home as I was physically and emotionally drained and just wanted to tidy up and go to bed, everyone started getting ready to go straight away, except my sister who said to me "No my girls are going to eat theirs here" I said (let's call her Mary) Mary I'm exhausted, All I want to do is sleep, please take as much as you want, you can take my plates but I really need to call it a night now" to which she rolled her eyes cut 3 big pieces of cake for herself and my two nieces handed it to them and said go and eat that in the living room. I told my partner I was raging and went upstairs for a little cry.

she left about an hour later and my living room was now covered in chocolate cake. No attempt was made to clean up after them. So at this point it was about half 10 and I started cleaning it up, my OH sent me to bed and he cleaned everything up in the end.

I was so mad at the time, I was going through what I thought at the time was a miscarriage and she went against what I said in my house and refused to leave even though she knew what I was going through.

I can't imagine being asked to leave someone's house and just refusing that's insane. Like I say this is water under the bridge I'm just curious if I've heals a secret grudge for a silly reason.

Did she know you were struggling with the bleeding/ threatened miscarriage? She sounds v thoughtless.

Also I forgot to say her reason for refusing to take the cake home was "It's not fair to make the girls wait till they get home to eat it, it's already late" she lives a 5 minutes drive from my house. What difference is it if they eat it at 9:00pm or 9:05pm? Or just put it in the fridge and they could have it the next day. She says something about it getting everywhere at her house. Ironic

No, it’s understandable that when your own sister is rude, unkind and shows you a complete lack of respect in your own home taht you would find it hard to really forgive and forget. Especially if you’ve never had an apology. Is you sister still horrible or was it an isolated incident?

Yes they knew I was pregnant so I had sent out a text (now I know it was a little hasty) but I'd told them I was losing the baby. Because I knew they were coming round I was getting really tearful all the time

She can be quite thoughtless and just does what she wants. She did the refusing to leave bit again at my grans a few months later. We were all at my grans and she politely clapped her hands and said rightio I'd like to watch corrie now so everyone up, coats on cone on. She laughed and made a joke but I knew that it was time to go. So I did, but my sister didn't abs made her kids dinner at my grans and didn't go home untill about 9 again. I don't know why she does it. I do think she might possibly be autistic, she dosnt seem to understand glaringly obvious social ques, even can you leave now..

She sounds thoughtless and like she needs to be in charge all the time. How's your relationship with her been since? Have you spoken to her about how it made you feel? Maybe a calm chat about it might help? If any apology from her pushes her lack of respecting your boundaries back on you I think it shows how much she values/doesnt value your relationship.

Your sister’s behaviour that day was awful, especially since she knew about your pregnancy and situation, understandable that you had and still have strong feelings about it.

Do you like her company and enjoy spending time with her and her DC more generally?

I'm the older one and so I feel like whenever there's an issue she reverts back to childhood bickering rather than dealing with it like the adults we actually are (26 and 30)

There was an incident a few months ago where she hurt me while babysitting my children, basically me calling her out on some shitty behaviour towards my daughter was me using the "disability card" I won't go into it because it's very outing paired with this story.

but basically she was lazy towards my daughters needs and I was upset about it and when I was confronted her about it via msssage, and I did take care to not be nasty about it, but just express how I felt about it, and you know maybe get an apology, it wasn't going to happen, I think she's quite immature she had her first baby as a young teenager and has coasted through since then, I've helped her a lot with childcare, her house and stayed at hers a lot when she was depressed when her kids dad left, I just don't think she knows how to/ wants to do the same. But she's my sister and when she's not pulling crazy stunts like this she's great to be around, just a few times a year she will really piss me off something rotten.

She's not a total arse, she used to take my son to school everyday as I live miles from it and don't drive but she does, she still picks him up everyday and brings him home but I take him now because he was late everyday and he was getting upset about it, I won't ask her to babysit over night again because of the incident a few months back but she had done as I do for her, we have a specific day of the week where we spend the day together every week, so it's not all bad, I think she just sees me as her bossy older sister and I see her as a my immature littke sister

This all sounds ‘enmeshed’, for good and bad.

It’s not good that you can’t fully trust her with one of your DC: Nor that you relied on her to get another of your DC to school. Would seek to avoid favours from her, even if that makes it harder in the short term.

The "it's time to leave," or "I need you to leave now," cues are exactly the ones an autistic person would understand. My ASD DD would likely leave that second, even with one shoe on, for example. So I think you can park that as a reason and not try to be nice about her shitty behaviour.

However, if there's a chance she is and the wording was a bit different to what's written, avoid the polite way where asking can be processed as optional. Not "would it be okay," but clear "it's time to go..."

She sounds awful, so entitled. It's probably simply because she gets her own way and laziness. She got all the cake she wanted, the mess in your house rather than hers and knew everyone would move on and let it go.

Instead of making it an "I want," "well, I want..." Conversation, put down boundaries. "The cake is only for people leaving now, if there's any left at the end for you, I'll bring it over tomorrow but it's not going in the lounge," it's about how you ask.