Mental health at rock bottom after baby

[Chuwokahz]

I had DS2 two weeks ago. He was long awaited after multiple miscarriages and then a pregnancy where I was really unwell with hyperemesis and gestational diabetes and had dreadful anxiety as a result. The birth was amazing - lovely, calm elective c section - but since then my mental health has been on a complete downward spiral. I'm terrified of anything happening to the baby, I'm terrified I'm losing my bond with my older DS, and my health anxiety about myself has suddenly exploded - for context I've had a hoarse voice for no apparent reason since DS was born and I've convinced myself I have motor neurone disease or throat cancer. Yesterday I had some breast redness and convinced myself I had inflammatory breast cancer. I've cried on and off all day about this, hiding it from my DH and older son because I don't want anyone to know.

I feel in total fight or flight mode and I don't understand why.

Oh OP this sounds really difficult, I’m sorry. Please speak to your husband as well as your GP/midwife/health visitor about this. It could just be hormones coming down after birth or the “baby blues”, but it could also be PND/PPA, lean on the support you have available. My baby is 4 months old now but I also felt a bit like this in the few weeks after birth, sleep deprivation, hormones etc do funny things to a person. Reach out for support x

I think you need to make a appointment with the GP and talk about the possibility of PND, getting help in place sooner rather than later will be better for you. You need others to know to support you through this.

Then perhaps contact HomeStart to see if there is any other help available.

It's sounds like you are generally under the weather and your body is shattered, naturally from making and sustaining a baby.

Is there a particular activity that you can do with your older child to help you through this? You doing his bath time alone,or reading a story. Finding just 10mins of time alone will work wonders for you both. Or cuddling down in bed watching his TV shows where you can both nod off.

It's good that you're recognising this for what it is - extreme health anxiety and fight or flight. Going through birth is a huge trauma and all the trauma that goes with TTC and miscarriages will be "coming out" now you are facing the reality of having your baby here.

Would your DH be supportive? Can you talk this through with a health visitor or a close friend or relative? I would guess it's sleep deprivation and hormones and whilst it all settles down you need to talk things through and get as much support and rest as possible.

Congratulations on your baby, everything will be ok. You just need to take things day by day but you will be ok.

My DH would be very supportive but I feel so silly and ashamed

I feel for you OP. I got myself into a state about inflammatory breast cancer as I had terrible mastitis (5 days in hospital) and I had peeling skin, and google is not your friend in this situation. It was fine of course. Please speak to your doctor or health visitor. It’s a hard time for hormones and I remember being so scared about something happening too, I think that’s quite normal but is horrible.

There's nothing to be ashamed about. Sometimes our bodies and brains do weird stuff and it's not our fault. I got into quite a strange and lonely head space being so tired and worn down when we had a much wanted DS (now a strapping 14 year old). I did come out of it but I wished I'd been able to talk to someone.

Agree - rest and support is needed.

HomeStart were great - I had them when DS was 3.

Things will get better, it's an intense time emotionally when you have had a baby and not all balloons and rainbows as it is sometimes depicted.

You absolutely shouldn't feel silly and ashamed. It's really upsetting that you think that. You have been through a huge ordeal and this is your body's reaction. Please talk to someone and be honest or just continue venting on here. The things you're describing are nothing people haven't felt before. I was in a terrible state with anxiety after having DD1. I was too scared to get any help or be honest but I wish I had.

I've just been obsessively crying and googling all day instead of actually enjoying my baby.

I was once in car accident and developed something called Acute Post Traumatic Stress - it lasts less than a month and is related to a traumatic event but also to the adrenaline in your body and the symptoms and the flight and fight impulse and catastrophising etc is similar. I'm not suggesting you have that but the adrenaline in your body may well be out of kilter due to the stress of making, delivering and sustaining a baby. The GP advised lots of short naps in the daytime to help your body process what it needs to and that calms the nervous system and helps with all the other symptoms.

Lots of people have felt how you do and that is why there are charities and support services in place.

Oh you poor darling, I know just how you feel, I was just like you about 21 years ago. I struggled horribly with post natal anxiety and low mood. In my case, my body just couldn't adapt to the sudden massive drop in hormones after giving birth. No surprise really as I'd always suffered with bad PMS.

Never feel ashamed about feeling as you do, it's perfectly natural and millions of women around the world have felt exactly the same. I promise this phase will pass and you will get better, but it's definitely worth having a chat with your midwife and GP about how they can help you.

I'm massively triggered by any physical symptom whatsoever. I have a run of the mill tension headache today and it's sent me into another spiral.

The thing is that intellectually I recognise it is irrational but it doesn't help. It's like I'm on major alert interpreting everything as a threat and can't relax my guard at all.