Stuck in the middle of sibling argument over money

[whichside]

DB lent Dsis some money to get her car fixed and as she was then also short for her car insurance (£700 in total) the agreement was she repaid him £100 a month.

Dsis then split up with her DP, got so depressed she lost her job and has basically spiralled totally. She had paid DB back for 3 months so still owes £400, she has told him she can’t afford £100 a month and can only pay £20 a month-he says she’s basically a CF and that amount is an insult. Wants me to get involved. He won’t see her so she has paid the last 2 months just transferring to him but hes furious. No past issues woth dsis and money. I don’t know what to say ! I feel like she’s trying her best and he says she’s just trying to get away with it ! I don’t want to take sides but it’s getting extremely difficult.

Tell them that you love them both but you won’t be drawn into this. Repeat as necessary.

Translation is you pay her debt, she pays you, you take the hit. Just say not my circus, not my monkey

I know what I would do - I'd give your dsis the money to pay to your dB, and then get her to pay it back to me, and I'd keep quiet about it. But that's because I'll do anything to try and avoid a sibling row as they destroy me, plus I have the money.

He was kind to lend money but it never goes well. Tbh you should expect to lose it. It does sound as if she is living beyond her means long before she got depressed.

Yes, as pp said don't get involved.

Why does he want you to get involved? It's not your issue.

That's just daft. Op doesn't need to be involved at all.

if I could afford to I would but even if I had the money I think DB would still be hostile even when repaid

In what way is your sister doing her best?

Shes been started on medication and is trying really hard to recover. She was in quite a bad relationship and it hit her hard despite that when they split up. If I had the money I’d help her but I don’t , I feel that DB could be a little kinder to her as he is quite well off (that’s not just my assumption he tells us all the time and has a great job) . He wants us to both put pressure on her but I think that will ruin her progress and she needs to be better and get back to work then she could repay him but he doesn’t see that

Difficult. Lending money to friends or family rarely ends well for exactly this sort of scenario. I do sort of agree with him that £20 is an insult, I'd be living off beans on toast in order to pay him back as much as possible if it were me but I absolutely hate owing anyone any money. But I don't think ruining a sibling relationship over £400 is worth it.

Sorry, I don't know what the answer is but I would not be getting involved here.

Tell them you both you are not getting involved. Tell them you are not interested every time they bring it up so you are not sruck in the middle...its not fair involving you. Just keep repeating the same thing until they get the message.

Sadly for your brother, he's learnt the hard way that the lending money doesnt always end well.