Small back story, reported ex (father of my child for DV) used my PR rights to stop contact, had abusive and threatening emails about social, court, mediation and also been slandered all over Facebook.
last month has constituted of phone calls, appointments, police, women’s aid and all the rest - and I am starting to crack, and its nowhere near over yet - ex still hasn’t been arrested (it’s because he lives in another state) so no immediate threat, but he is absolutely torturing me (he lives in my mind rent free) I can hear him laughing, belittling and what he used to do to me, I’ve had to re live my past and trauma and it’s starting to get to me, I can’t breathe properly today, I feel sick, all I want to do is cry and I have a 5 year old to look after and I’m trying to utter best to be ‘brave and strong’ but all of this is really on top of me, I feel so alone, I don’t want to talk about it, but my mind won’t shut up about it.
im scared of him, I’m scared of what he’s going to do, worried what malicious lies he’s going to say, I’ve spoken to a domestic violence team today who has said I’m doing everything right, so why do I feel so bad? I also am just waiting for the courts to contact me, which I need to handle so carefully due to him not being able to find out I’ve reported him in fear of what he could do or being a flight risk, why do these abusers do what they do and then continue to abuse through the children, I can’t get my head around why 😓