My head is selling, my heart…?

[Pinkypinkyplonk]

Just that really. Our house is about to go on the market. We’ve spent years doing it up getting it just right….
Now child no.4 is about to fly. The other three come back often, for uni holidays, Sunday lunches etc… but the reality is it’s just too big for two. I don’t want to be wandering around with empty memories.My head says do it, my kids say fine! But my heart is struggling.

Can you postpone for a year or so and revisit? Is there a hurry to move?
Have you found somewhere you really want to move to? I don't think I would go until I found somewhere I really, really wanted.

I agree, postpone for a while, if it's not what you want.

The thing is, I’ve seen somewhere, it’s a doer upper, it will keep me really busy. So not allowing me too much space to mourn my empty house! In some ways it’s perfect ( head ), it will allow us to help the kids out financially ( they don’t know that). But it’s just my heart that’s not ready to let go. I know it’s only bricks and mortar so why is it so hard? Even the location will allow us to have a better lifestyle, on paper it all makes sense

Tell us about the potential new place? What are the plusses? And any minuses?

Well the new place( if we get it of course!) is in a small town, so I can walk everywhere. I’m currently in a village down a dirt track, get snowed in etc…. New place would be half the size of the current after complete renovation. So everything would be brand new and exactly how I’d want it. Current house is beginning to need maintenance, so we’re starting to spend on it. New place, we’d be mortgage free, and able to help the kids out a little. New place could be well into our retirement, we can’t stay where we are now for that long it’s just too big. I really like the idea of not needing to use the car often, of having cafes, pubs and restaurants on my doorstep. It would be a complete lifestyle change, but it’s only into the town I constantly drive into anyway. It really is a no brainer. But I’m in tears just writing this.
I need to pull my big girls pants up!!

Maybe I’m hormonal!

Doer Upper will be expensive and maybe more so than ongoing maintenance which you said you have kept up on the current house.

Also kids still in Uni means that they might still need to come back before the fully establish as flying the nest?

Staying a bit longer night help to clarify things and/or give you the chance to get a more finished house.

It sounds great to me! No minuses at all is very impressive.

Leaving your memories must be a massive wrench.

We are at a similar life stage and have contemplated moving, though our house is only a little too big but we would like to travel more and so have a simpler place at home, especially maintenance-wise. I don't fancy planning and paying for another kitchen for my 20ft (ish) room for example and I do also fancy living a closer walk to cafes etc. I do look all the time but have never found a home without major compromise, usually the garden or too close to neighbours. I haven't found perfect yet so haven't had to deal with the 'leaving' issue!

Neither my parents or ILs downsized at the 'right' time and it became too late before they realised they would have liked to - they couldn't physically or mentally cope with a move, I do want to avoid that.

@Chewbecca Yes!! You get me!
It’s an absolute no brainer. But I’m in tears…..
The current house size we struggle to manage now, if anything happens to either of us, we’re stuffed. We have to go, and now, with the youngest about to go to uni it’s the perfect break point so to speak. So we are going on the market next week.
I absolutely do not want to be a burden to my kids, and have them concerned that we can’t manage.

@Chewbecca We still have 10 years of mortgage left on a house that we’re going to be rattling around in. It makes sense to sell and go mortgage free.
Like you, I’d like to travel before we’re too old. The mortgage repayments stop that.
I know it’s time to go.
I feel better, thank you

I would make the move. Being mortgage free will be such a game changer. It's best to make the move now rather than when you are too old to cope with all the work you want to do.
Embrace this new era it sounds like it will be lots of fun. It sounds like you've given your children a very lovely and happy home and nothing will take that away. Good luck x

How small is the new place will the young adult DC still be able to visit?

Oh I hear you!!!! We are in the exact same position. DH and I have had this dream of living near the sea for as long as I can remember. Our eldest left home to live and work in Ireland in 2020 and our youngest DD is off to uni in September. So, we made the decision to put the house on the market a month ago. But my head has been all over the place. I really do want this move. It feels like its 'our time' for my husband and I and we don't need to be in this house anymore and its an older house so needs general maintenance and upkeep that we would rather not have to do anymore. However I LOVE this house also. It is where our girls grew up and I have memories in every inch of my home and I feel tearful about leaving it behind. It really is a battle against head and heart although I do know deep down that this is right for us. I am excited for our new chapter and the new adventure in our lives that DH and I are facing but god I underestimated how hard it would be detaching myself from this house. Not only do we love our house but we have many friends here too, all on the same street as us, who we will miss terribly too. But I know its time to go. But I totally get how you are feeling. Its emotionally tough.

I think it is so important to go when you are fit and well. I don't know how old you are - you sound 50's which is perhaps why you're finding it hard? But in many ways that's perfect because you just don't want to be in the situation where you are moving because you have to - ill health having caught up with you. My parents moved in their early 60's when my dad was diagnosed with an illness. They did it very quickly and it was the best thing they ever did. They got lucky cos it all worked out and dad was not too sick for a few years yet. But I have since seen so many people I know watch their parents move only when they are suddenly caught out by ill health and that is a really really bad situation to be in. Go when it's easy, view it as a new and exiting chapter in your life and be grateful you had so many wonderful years in your house and now have the chance to fashion a new one to your liking. I am very sentimental when it comes to houses so completely understand this. I was amazed though last time I moved from a house I absolutely loved just how quickly I moved on. Good luck 🍀

@MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira
Absolutely, each adult child would still have their own bedroom for returning overnight should they need it, nowhere near the size of what they have now, but for a few nights a year…..?
We’d be able to walk to cafes, restaurants together etc…. Which we can’t do at the moment, that would be nice.
Atm when the eldest is home he’s always having to help out with gardening chores. I feel guilty, he has a full on career, he’s tired

You are sensible but, just to play devils advocate, will you have enough room in the new place to host Christmas, family birthdays etc.?
I don't know your ages, but if you are only 50/60's you are unlikely to be a burden for a while. My MIL still lives independently at 90.
I have to agree with living on a decent road for access and in walking distance of shops, cafes, doctors etc but don't downsize to dramatically- unless the amount you can now gift to the DC will enable them to purchase a big home where you can go for celebrations.

I've just downsized and am now mortgage free! We were in our current house for just over 9 years.

We moved in on Sunday and although it's been interesting trying to get everything in we're beginning to feel settled.

Our move was spurred by health issues and also having rooms that were never used.

I'm loving this house. It's nothing special but it's special to us.

@Sniffywhippymum @Tipster100
You’re both absolutely right
Thank you for your responses

It sounds like you will leave your lovely family home with your heart and head full of gorgeous memories.

Go now, a little sad to leave, rather than in 7,8,9 years when you’ve spent a fortune on it and been snowed in twice and had some really lonely weeks.

I hope you get the house in town, it sounds perfect and your kids will love coming to stay.

Before you go you could do a walk round the house filming each other and each of you talk through your memories of different parts of the house..this way you will have a beautiful storytelling of your house to keep. You could then take pictures of they key parts and make it into a photo book. Print one for everyone in the family with the front door on the front.
Then start a new one for your new house..day one keys in hand.
Its a new adventure and not something to regret.

@BG2015 awesome. That’s where I hope to be in a year.
I may use up a few tissues in the process, but I can cop with that

If you're already starting to lean on your kids to help you maintain the house, it is absolutely time to go.
Plus the lifestyle of being in town sounds so so much better.

@664theneighbourofthebeast
Lovely idea thank you
Just reaching for a tissue
And an extra hrt patch !!!

@Pinkypinkyplonk we are also looking for something that is within walking distance of amenities. Something we have never had before. It will be a totally new experience for us and a new way of life. But my head is full of precious amazing memories of raising my girls. They will have bedrooms for when they come home to stay so still space for them to visit us and they are totally behind our new move. Good Luck with it all. x

@Sniffywhippymum
Good luck to you too