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Awful girl, how best to ignore

8 replies

Skibbedy · 06/08/2024 08:50

DD has been friends with the same group since reception, now going into year 9.

one girl has always had anger issues - to the point has scratched, pulled hair and pushed others as recently as year 7. She has also started verbally bullying two of them this year (calling fat etc)

have advised my DD to limit contact and I have done the same with the mum. The mum and dad cannot deal with her, her younger brother is also a little shit who also has anger issues. The mum bitches about friends (adults and children) and also argues a lot with her Dd, they both scream and Dd says thinks like I wish you were dead. As parent and girls know each other well, have always tried to address and not involve school but due to level of bullying, school became involved as reported her behaviour to teachers. The bully’s mum went nuclear on school, saying her Dd had behaviour issues due to being highly intelligent and has asked for support and said she was the one being bullied. Culminated in her Dd being awarded a kindness award for the year, which really upset the other girls as ignored the bullying.

we are still fb friends (mother and I) and she has put up a post to say what a lovely person she Has turned out to be and how proud she is.

how do I help my Dd cut ties with her, she is nervous that as part of a bigger group, she will be alone.

i don’t want to address with the mum as she has told me in the past she know her Dd is in the wrong and needs help for anger issues but now she appears to have gone 180 saying she is amazing.

OP posts:
Skibbedy · 06/08/2024 08:50

Sorry was long

OP posts:
Sunnyside4 · 06/08/2024 09:00

Are there any other girls you're DD your DD likes or feels she gets on well with? If so, I'd suggest she slowly starts chatting to them a bit more. Another way might be lunchtime or after school clubs, it'll give her a different focus and she might get to know someone who's got a similar interest. Also, moving into years 10 and 11, some subjects require a lot of extra work coursework at lunchtimes, again reach out to anyone in those.

Is this girl away in the holidays. If so, it'd be a good time for DD to suggest a meet up with some of the others and try and get to know them better on an individual basis.

Skibbedy · 06/08/2024 09:04

Thanks. Yes she has gone to stay with grandparents in poland for most of summer (mum comes from there) so a good idea at maybe working on building friendships more with others.

i would prefer she makes a clean break in year 9 but very difficult due to long history of friendship and my Dd doesn’t not have a confrontational nature

OP posts:
BananaPeanutToast · 06/08/2024 09:21

I’d really avoid any dramatic ‘cutting ties’. It sounds like mother and daughter feed on drama and are good at positioning the DDs behaviour and winning sympathy. If none of the other girls are cutting her out, your DD will almost inevitably end up on the outside and isolated.

Tell her to disengage and ‘slow fade’. No big severing. Just start forming closer bonds with others in the group and with new friends. Try and accept life isn’t fair (you and her) - there will always be someone like this. Ignore the injustice and focus on your DD having the best possible yr10. Do keep talking to the school if the bullying continues and explain the sensitivities- sounds like nothing is coming from trying to deal directly.

BananaPeanutToast · 06/08/2024 09:38

Best possible yr9

Skibbedy · 06/08/2024 10:20

Really good advice, thanks

one more question re arranging things for the nicer girls outside of school, how to best handle as the angry one and her angry mum get angrier if girls try to do this!

OP posts:
Saz12 · 06/08/2024 11:15

Angry mum & angry daughter can get as cross as they like, it doesn't mean you have to invite them along.
Difficult to deal with, but perhaps tell DD to blame you "Mum says I cant invite anyone else" or "Mum says it gets to shouty woth everyone there" or "Mum says am not allowed". Then youre the one having to deal with it rather than DD. And when Angry Mum phones you then you can go for the vague "Sh needs to get to know other kids better" or "Sorry if yours feels left out, but I dont like the drama bigger groups generate so this is how Ive organised it this time" or whatever. Or just don't communicate at all "not able to invite her this time".

Swiftie1878 · 11/08/2024 23:26

Saz12 · 06/08/2024 11:15

Angry mum & angry daughter can get as cross as they like, it doesn't mean you have to invite them along.
Difficult to deal with, but perhaps tell DD to blame you "Mum says I cant invite anyone else" or "Mum says it gets to shouty woth everyone there" or "Mum says am not allowed". Then youre the one having to deal with it rather than DD. And when Angry Mum phones you then you can go for the vague "Sh needs to get to know other kids better" or "Sorry if yours feels left out, but I dont like the drama bigger groups generate so this is how Ive organised it this time" or whatever. Or just don't communicate at all "not able to invite her this time".

Great advice. My daughter uses me as her excuse all the time (with my consent and support).

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