Arranging social life of pre teen daughter

[Doublebubblegum]

My daughter is soon to be 11 and so far, we've held out on getting her a mobile phone.

It means I am still arranging her social life - texting other parents to plan a swimming trip etc.

How do others do this? Am conscious that some of her friends have their own phones and plan stuff without parental involvement. But I feel she's too young for this! Interested to hear how others manage this as up until now most of her friends are kids I happen to already know the parents of (village school, very small and everyone knows one another). She's made a new friend at a club in the hols, got her mum's number from the girl, and now I'm texting a mum I've never met to make plans for our daughter's to meet up.

Also interested to hear what your kids this age do with their friends when they do meet up! Do they do an activity with parents, or independently? There's such a wide variation in kids at this age I think - my daughter is probably more at the 'younger' end and still happy to go to the park with a cafe attached where I can grab a coffee and sit and wait there etc. But there are girls in her year group who I think would be mortified of a mum hanging around.

As you might be able to tell, this is my eldest child. It was waaaay easier when she was a toddler 🤣

Theirs a big difference in going into year 6 or 7. If going into year 6, I'd say you need to start releasing the reins, but depends on area. If going into year 7 I'd say your doing your dd no favours and she needs to be able to start sorting her own life out and going places. Phones don't have to be dangerous. What does your dd want?

DD went out a lot more on her own in Y6. They would organise things in school and we parents would just drop them off or maybe arranged car sharing.
But they all started with basic phones or very locked down smartphones.

In Y7 (DD just turned 11 in July), they don't need parents anymore. I think over the whole of the secondary school, I met two other parents.

At 11 they need to start it doing themselves.

I mean, at 11 I would be expected to use the landline to ring the house, and ask the mum to speak to the friend, and then both confirm agreement with the mums. Can you not agree with the other mum that this is the procedure - that your daughter rings her phone and asks hello [friend mum], please may I speak to [friend]?

If it's friends at school she wants to meet up with, tell her to organise and let you know the arrangements. Obviously if a lift is required, you can say at that point if you can give DD (plus any friends a lift or not). I guess she can just bring friends home from school any time, if so, that's something she can arrange. Maybe always have something simple in freezer like a pizza if they end up staying or be prepared to add some extras to your main meal.

Finding this hard too. Dd is going into y6. Currently still down to me to arrange as holding off on the mobile phone.

It doesn't have to be a smartphone, you could get her one which texts/calls only?

I'm assuming if she's about to turn 11 she's going in to year 6 in September? In that case with my DD I was still messaging parents at that age because she didn't have her own phone, activities were usually at someone's house.
But by the end of year 6 they need to start being more independent and being allowed some freedom to meet friends outside the house. We let DD go to the local town shopping with a friend in the summer between year 6&7 for example. We got DD a mobile for her 11th birthday which was at the end of year 6 (with strict parental controls, no SM at that age, just whatsapp for messages).
By start of year 7 she was arranging her social life herself mostly, would just follow up with a message to parents that it's definitely ok for them to have a sleepover etc.
By now age 13, year 9 in September, she mostly sorts it herself, but I know her friends parents quite well.
My youngest is 9 (year 5 in September), she doesn't have a mobile yet and apart from playing with kids in the street we arrange her social life.

Going into Y6 here.
The kids tend to arrange things loosely ("can Betty come for a sleepover?") and the mums then arrange the finer details of times and pick ups etc.
By this time next year I'm expecting to just be told when/where they need dropping off

We don't have a landline any more and I don't think many people I know do.

@Catopia I don't think you'll find many/any families with a landline any more. Even my recently deceased dear old dad who was 77 hardly used his.

We arrange it with the other mums. Her friends also don't have phones though

My DD has just turned 12 and had a phone for a while - as do all her friends. She arranges her social life herself but checks in with us to make sure its ok. I get the occasional whatsapp from another parent but mostly they sort it all themselves.

They are all just finished P7 and starting high school after the summer.

Nearly all activities are without parents - e.g. going swimming, playing football, going to McDs etc.

I didn't say that, I said ring the (mobile) number for the mum, from her mum's phone, both of which they do have.

I let DD use my phone to text her friends on their mum's phone. They always wrote: To [Friend's name] then the message and signed with DD's name. Gradually switched as and when the friends got their own phone, they would text me and then when DD got her phone they texted her.

Thanks all. We are in Scotland so my daughter is going into P7 (final year of primary school) after the hols.