How to enjoy my kids more?

[ColdinNovember]

I feel I’m in a bit of a grumpy impatient rut with my dc 7 and 10. I share custody with ex and feel our time together is precious and want them to have a nice time with me.

I feel like I’m constantly refereeing their constant bickering (every car ride, sitting on the sofa, getting ready, eating a meal can’t be done without some sort of disagreement), battling them to be off screens, not eat/drink junk all of the time, brush their teeth, do some basic tidying after themselves. All whilst biting my tongue that the Dfather ‘says it’s ok’ . I grew up with not much and although not by any means wealthy my kids are not hard done by but sometimes can have a poor attitude and come across ungrateful and unappreciative of what they have.

some of this is probably kids bluffing but ex attitude to food and hygiene is definitely quite different so I feel I need to be more ‘on it’ and it’s affecting my time with them. I’m considering addressing with him but I don’t know if it’s worth it.

Sometimes I think I’m depressed and my tolerance is low because of this but I just want us to make the most of our limited time we have.

bumping my own thread in hope.

Had some nice times over the holiday however at one point my DS said he ‘wished I was fun’ and ‘fun’ to him seems to essentially mean buy/do whatever he wants. I am trying so hard to just parent in my time and not compare but it’s just hard because what child doesn’t love getting new stuff. I don’t think it’s totally manipulative and part of his way of showing affection is buying stuff for the DC

Others just say they’ll see when they are older but I don’t want to wait until their older and what if they don’t! I don’t want my children to be caught up in some sort of competition of ‘look how much I love you’ that I’m not even engaging with.

You have to parent and there's no way around that but what about being more playful? It's a great stress relief and kids that age love it.
Find some games and activities that you could enjoy together and do fun stuff with them. Parenting can happen around that.
Even silly things like a pillow or water fight in the garden, be a hug monster,

Take a pizza and a frisbee or ball to a park
Or get up one morning and have a picnic breakfast somewhere.

Kids seem to love the Would You Rather game or the connecting words game. Look up some ideas and play them to distract them from bickering.

Have a movie night with ice cream sundaes that they create themselves or mix popcorn and smarties.

Look up ways on how to stop bickering. There are lots of articles online.

The time you spend with them that's fun and engaging and full of warmth and love will always mean way more than objects so don't put yourself under too much pressure.
They're still young enough to just enjoy spending time with mum.

The bickering sounds stressful. Maybe try alternating so you only have one child at a time some times.

Sorry missed replies.

Has anyone read a parenting book that works? Most of them, to me, seem to have success based on the author being ‘them’ rather than their methods being adaptable or applicable to the masses.

7 yo going through a period of not listening to me and others. Simple instructions like put these things away needs say 3 x and getting irritated before he’ll do it. Also creeping into other activities outside the home and t’s like he hears about 80% and thinks ‘meh, this’ll do’. He’s also being a bit of a know it all and it’s like he knows everything about everything and if corrected he’ll argue back or if I say no it’s not x it is y. He’ll say ‘that’s what I said’. Not a fan of the word triggering but I guess that’s what it is for me and the thought of him being like that as an adult devastates me and I do get annoyed at this behaviour. Trying to find something that helps.

How to talk so kids will listen and listen when kids talk.

Revolutionary

Not a book, but the site ahaparenting worked really well for me