What is life like if you *don’t* have (inattentive?) ADHD?

[Ducal]

Sometimes there’ll be a thread where someone says thinks they might have ADHD and runs down a list of symptoms and a lot of people come on and say yes, that sounds like me, I think I have it too.

But I’d like to hear from people who definitely don’t think they have ADHD and how they manage life in general, to see if there’s something I’m missing, iyswim?

So, please could you tell me how you deal with:

• a long and repetitive task?
• a boring meeting?
• a big and complex task that you don’t really know how to get going with?
• knowing what someone’s going to say before they’re half way through the sentence - are you able to maintain natural responses, eg. surprise or laughter or concern, when you can’t express them at the moment you feel them because that would interrupt the speaker?

I feel like most of these, boring meetings/boring tasks, are things that most people struggle with? I’m just particularly bad at them, like a character trait/flaw, rather than an actual disorder?

The natural responses thing might just be a me thing and nothing to do with ADHD.

My partner almost certainly has ADHD (several family members diagnosed.) I think it's interesting that NT people acknowledge boredom and the mundaneness of repetitive tasks, but then form strategies/coping mechanisms. It's certainly not that they don't experience boredom. DP, however, doesn't seem to have an innate sense of 'this will be boring, therefore I will do x, y or z'. That would involve forward planning and that isn't his forte. So he just starts involuntarily tapping, fidgeting, shifting about or having a conversation with himself in his head (I know because of the expressions on his face😆) I'm not suggesting that people with ADHD aren't capable of developing coping strategies - in fact many of them are probably absolute pros at it for obvious reasons - but more they that have to deliberately take a step back and recognise what boredom does to them before addressing it. It's a big thing.

With regard to the interruption side of things, DP knows it's annoying, but he can't seem to help it. Sometimes he notices a hard stare from me and tries not to talk over me, but then he doesn't hear the rest of what I'm saying because he's too busy trying to hold back the tide of thoughts in his head. And I can tell that he's simply bursting to blurt them out. I think NT people, while similarly eager to make their point, seem to be able to park their thoughts and wait for an opportunity to speak.

Which bits do you struggle with?
Repetitive tasks - not really talking about manual tasks that you can do without thinking. I have had to do audits for work, which involve opening up files, clicking on the same few tabs to check for items, and filling in a spreadsheet. So, reading and doing a bit of detective work sometimes, but very repetitive. I couldn’t make myself do it, until I was chased by the person who needed it. I did it on my own time because I had wasted so much of work time sitting down to do it and staring at my phone instead. Eventually I settled on doing two and then taking a break, it took flipping ages.

Boring meetings - I either start falling asleep or get very cross at the circular conversations that don’t progress the meeting. Almost all meetings could be done in about a third of the time if everyone listened and understood each other properly. At this point I admit I have never been in a position to be useful in a meeting, never progressed beyond minion status who is there because everyone has to be there.

Big complex tasks where I don’t know where to start - I panic. I try to ask for help, but the advice is usually not specific enough. ‘Break it down into manageable chunks’ is meaningless to me - how do you do that?? Flipping Gant charts - just another thing I don’t understand before I have to do all the other things I don’t understand.

@Mishmaj
I have been told I check out of conversations - my eyes glaze over
I was told that once when I was younger. I really try not to do it now, but it does make everything feel a bit forced. I had a friend a few years ago who spoke faster than anyone I have ever met, it was brilliant. We would meet up, start talking and barely take a breath for an hour or so. I have never had such fluent conversations with anyone else.

There’s more to ADHD than being unae to deal with boredom and procrastinating.

i imagine people who don’t have the condition don’t often find themselves knowing there’s an urgent task that needs doing while experiencing a sense of paralysis that prevents them from doing the task. Until your brain releases you from it.

it’s almost physically painful especially coupled with fear and terror of being shamed by others around you who simply can’t understand why you’re not getting on with it.

I imagine life is a lot less stressful without that fear of judgment and rejection and shame daily

There’s more to ADHD than being unae to deal with boredom and procrastinating.

I don’t think anyone has suggested that’s all it is?

i imagine people who don’t have the condition don’t often find themselves knowing there’s an urgent task that needs doing while experiencing a sense of paralysis that prevents them from doing the task. Until your brain releases you from it.

I started the thread specifically to hear from people who don’t experience that. When talking to a friend recently about this big project that I am struggling with (and have basically given up on - it’s optional), she said, well why not just get it done and then you’ll be finished with it. And I just looked at her with my mouth open, like, do you not think I would have done that if I could have?