To think toys are good for babies development?

[Collarbonei]

MIL refuses to buy toys for her grandchildren as she thinks it’s a waste as they grow out of them. She prefers to buy them clothes or furniture (!) for their bedroom. I have no issue with her choosing to buy something else, but the judgement we get for buying our children toys on birthdays and Christmas is getting ridiculous.
If she criticises a toy is only from say newborn to 6 months and that it won’t have much use, we point out they grow out of clothes much quicker but have fun with toys. Not good enough. It makes us awful parents apparently. They never go without clothes, it’s not like we chose toys over essentials.
Our children play with all of their toys, we don’t go overboard, they have a toy box each which to me isn’t much at all.
I mentioned that there are toys which are good for babies development and the majority of them teach something, so yes they’ll grow out of them eventually but in the meantime they are getting use from them. My 10 month old particularly loves a Lamaze buggy toy from newborn and won’t be parting with it any time soon.
What’s your take on MIL opinion?
Do your babies play with toys?
Is MIL correct that children don’t need toys?
How do I politely but firmly tell her to mind her own business?

The best thing for a baby's development is an interested caregiver. Interacting with an adult provides more communication and emotional development than a toy. Your child, your choice, but toys should not replace frequent engagement with an adult who gives and receives attention.

Different strokes for different folks! Just do what you’re happy with and don’t compare or judge what others are doing. Some like proper toys, some just use every day objects. No right way, just what makes things easier for you.

I agree with you but that’s not the point, she’s too involved, why does she think she can criticise your parenting. Even if you bought them a thousand useless toys it’s not her business. Equally if she doesn’t want to buy them toys that’s up to her. Just don’t suggest toys as gifts, and refuse to talk to her about it if she complains, agree to disagree

Everyone has an opinion unfortunately not everyone understands that that opinion isn’t the same as a fact.

For some reason (I have DD 10m) everyone thinks they’re a child expert and being a parent you need their expertise and advice.

Of course children/babies need toys. In my opinion western children don’t need nearly as much. Play necessary for child development and that’s a fact.

However, I try to buy DD toys/books secondhand as I feel they’re really expensive/overpriced for what they are.

If your MIL enjoys buying clothes for your DC with her money, let her crack on. If she’s constantly commenting on you buying toys, politely remind her that it’s your money.

She doesn't have to get it. your op is weird

Why are you forcing her to get something?

My son loved toys that crinkled or were shiney when he was a baby. Those toys gave me 10 minutes to make a meal or a bottle or even use the loo. No harm at all in age appropriate toys for children. There would be no point in giving a child under 6 months a toy designed for an older child, it wouldn't be safe nor would it grab their attention

Just tell her to shut the fuck up. Don’t entertain it for a second.

Toys are important, as are books. Does she also hate books? She sounds absolutely mental.

But her some clothes.

Maybe a t-shirt with The Fun Police written on it?

She’s nuts; babies don’t give a shite what they’re wearing. However, they do like toys.

Didn't her son have toys ? Anyway its so to her if you don't want to have bedroom furniture I mean the dc must have everything by now or clothes ask for money or vouchers for birthday and Christmas or books .

One of the best, most used and most loved gifts to my DC came from my almost 80 yo (at the time) aunt. She gave DD1 a set of 8 multi coloured graduated pots which stacked and had perforated bottoms. We started with me building towers for DD to knock down, graduated to DD building towers for herself (to knock down), they went on holiday where they were used to make sandcastles and they went in the bath to make "showers". They were used to teach DD her colours, numbers up to 8 (they had numbers on) and to work out why these cups, when pushed to the bottom of the bath stayed there when non perforated cusp didn't. So very educational - thanks Auntie..

I usually try to find something similar for little DC these days.

It is recognised in the child development field that lack of opportunity to play is child cruelty and causes mental pain, it is SO essential for development.

That doesn't mean your mil can't prefer to buy something she believes will be longer lasting. Someone else can buy the toys.

My children get plenty of attentions thanks

I’m not?
Your comment is weird and irrelevant

Even animal welfare often gives baby animals balls and toys to play with for stimulation - what does she think a toddler does all day?

Kids outgrow books and clothes, I can't understand the childhood she is suggesting - reading Moby Dick to them and buying clothes a few years too old and hemming them?

There are some toys that really last, for us it was the Shleich hard plastic animals, they doubled as bath toys, came to the beach. As they got older, they made shows and films using them and even my teen has her favourites displayed on a shelf. I think we had more than a decade of them being in use - can you bring her round to something like that, a compromise position for her maybe (even though you are right).

Thank you! This is exactly how I see it, I’d rather a baby learning and playing than bored and crying because ‘toys are unnecessary’

I did pose the question to a friend ‘what is a toy’ as DD favourite thing to do is open and close the cupboard. Give her a wooden spoon to whack things and she’s in her element. Same with pulling DH dvds off the shelf.

I have read that babies don’t need all those electrical toys that play the alphabet/say words as babies need to see how the lips are formed to learn to talk.

She’s 10m old and she’s got a toy chest already. It’s got puppets, bubbles, instruments, different types of balls, spinners, block sorter, bricks, ring stack, stacking cups and a couple of those annoying flashing toys that play music.

Whats the alternative? Putting her in front of the tele all day?? There’s only so much stimulation I can do between the hours of 6am to 8pm. Being able to bang blocks, knock down a tower and pass toys is a development goal for this age.

My friend has a baby a similar age and her living room is packed with toys. As she said she’s the last in her friendship circle to have a baby so it’s all been donated to her. It’s like toysrus in there and she finds it overwhelming. There’s a line between ‘too much’ and neglect.

You can buy the kids toys though she doesn't have to agree with you, I mean you are right but your children are not going to suffer because Granny bought them a new outfit.

Her children didn’t have toys, no. DH didn’t even know what a Nintendo was for years and only played with lego/playdoh/paint/toy cars etc at friends houses. The only toys MIL has ever had in the house is an old set of soldiers handed down from older relatives that none of her grandchildren have ever had interest in.
The funny and hypocritical thing is if we visit she tells us to bring the baby some toys so he doesn’t get bored 😂 make it make sense!

I'd just tell her that you appreciate what she buys.

If she criticises what you buy then I'd tell her that you don't judge how she spends her money and you'd appreciate it if she didn't judge how you spend yours.

Are you sure your DH isn't complaining to mummy about how much you spend, how frivolous you are or how much shit is in the house?

@Timeisnevertimeatall

its ok, calm down, I don't think she was suggesting she locks them in the shed with their toy boxes!

@Collarbonei

in one way she's right, they don't need toys, they'd be happy with household items & develop just as well, but if you can afford toys without going without then toys are nicer to have out & fun. You get weird looks if you're out with a baby and they're playing with a whisk & a colander!!

but people who can't afford toys shouldn't feel bad because it isn't a necessity.

iyswim.

your MIL is a bit batshit though, just because a toy says 3-6 months, they don't instantly have to be got rid of!! They enjoy them long past the given age range. And do what if you do pass them on? (Or put them
kn the lift for your next one). Everything for baby is 'time limited' they're not going to be using their pram at 6 are they?

guve her a stiff ignoring & buy what you want!!

I didn’t post this thread to complain MIL buys clothes instead, I don’t really care, I posted to ask about toys being good for babies because MIL thinks babies shouldn’t own any. We buy them toys and we’re not fussed if no one else does. I don’t expect anything from her, including her opinion. We only buy toys on birthdays and Christmas as a shared decision so no complaints to MIL. DH hates her view, he felt deprived not having toys as a child.

WTF?!! Did your DH have toys growing up?

I suppose technically she is correct. DC don’t need expensive shop bought toys, they need something to play with - a saucepan and wooden spoon for a drum, a handkerchief folded into a mouse, a couple of plastic beakers and a bowl of water… We all know that DC have more fun with the cardboard box a toy came in than the toy itself 😂

Surely she isn’t some joyless puritan who believes DC don’t need toys at all? She just means they don’t need so many expensive or new toys?

@londonmummy1966 my DC had those stacking cups and I agree they were the best toy ever!

OP, I agree with you. My MIL is similar and would prefer to buy something "useful" for the kids. Over the years I've learnt to roll my eyes and let her criticism wash over me!

So because one person has an opinion it must be true?

This is getting weirder

Unless she refuses to buy plastic toys for environmental reasons (although she could buy wooden toys), then she's a crackpot.

Children need toys.