Help with wording a response please

[Allnewtometoo]

Background. Separated several yrs. 2 DC, who he sees one day a week. Same day, time, arrangements. So no need for contact over that. Not yet divorced but I am pushing this and house sale along.

He sends texts (to a second phone, he's blocked from my main phone) which are long , and tell me what a terrible person I am, criticizes my family, parenting, rewrites history, he's a typical narcissist. Many times I've asked him to stop. Recently, because I'm pushing the divorce/sale, it's really increased.

I've messaged him to say keep messages to only discussing dc, divorce, house. He's responded with more of the same. 3 so far (long, very very long) and he's still typing.

This is, no doubt about it, harassment. Its unwanted, and causes me immense stress and anxiety.

I've held off taking this further as I didn't want to make things worse.

So, please, what do I say now? Note, I never normally respond to any of it, I know from experience it just fuels the fire. I need it to stop.

Don’t read and don’t reply - some people just can let be reasoned with. Speak to police for advice if you want to consider taking it further.

I don't always read, I don't reply. It's been years though. I will go to police if I have to but I know I need to be clear with him first.

Can you get someone to read them for you & tell you if anything us relevant.

Tell him your not interested in his bullshit. You will be getting them pre-read & censored by a 3rd party in future & they will inform if there's anything relevant, then just move to trash

You must block this man from every source of contact

Create a email address and tell him you will check on it once a week only to reply to urgent matters if they arise. If the matter is not urgent or does not require a response tell him he won’t be getting one.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

If he talk to the children about you or quizzes them: They say ‘I’m not sure’ or ‘I don’t know’ Every Single Time.

he will give up eventually but if you feed him he will keep coming back for oxygen! Which is what your replies are like when he receives one

@Quitelikeit honestly, I dont reply. I git the seperate phone over 2 years ago. That has helped me immensely. He's blocked on my personal phone, Facebook, Instagram. He doesn't email.

I just want it to stop, and realise I need to do something different. I've ignored for years. 4, provably 5. So he's not giving up.

Don't reply. He is trying any way to manipulate and control you still by sending abusive messages. He is struggling with seeing you move on by finalising things and coping without him. A well worded reply will not end this situation, he will come back with more. You can't reason with a person like him. Don't reply, and if he becomes threatening, just report him.

@CC222 no I know this. As far as I understand, prior to reporting, I should put in writing to him that I want it to stop, not acceptable, unsolicited etc.

Send a text saying..

I have asked you to stop communicating with me unless necessary. Any further communication that is not relevant to the divorce, house sale or children will be reported to the police and my solicitor as harassment.

Ask you solicitor to send a letter too with the similar wording.

if he replies after these have been sent, report him for harassment. I had to do similar a few years ago, and the police said I needed to make it clear that I wanted communication to stop and would report.

Thank you, that's what I meant. Did it work, or did you have to take it further?

Why don't you do this then? Also put in the message that if it continues you will be reporting him for harassment.

Another also, could you block him on the second phone - only unblock him when he has DC and then re-block when they are home. That way, if he sends anything in between, you won't receive it

Agree with this. I went through the same and spent way too much time trying to reason with his madness. Wish I'd been stronger and realised much sooner that I needed to disengage.

I would phone 101 and ask the police for advice, they will tell you if it's harassment and if so, what to do about it. There are legal remedies to stop it from happening.

I did get the police involved, he eventually backed off though. We have moments when he pipes up again, but mostly we are civil to each others face. He blasts me to the kids though, they mostly ignore now, it got boring after 10 years of bad mouthing me.

@FajitasForDinner that's what I'm posting for help with. I don't want to completely block , I want a record of what he's sending.

@chocolatesaltyballs22 indeed. I've been kidding myself tgat I've been dealing with ut. I've actually just been ignoring it. I'm not beating myself up about that, it's served a purpose for a bit. Time for things to change though.