Who is to blame?

[rubylolala]

Five boys playing at a house, three of them age 9, two of them age 6. Two of them are siblings, one older one younger, both have behaved appallingly all afternoon (chucking food, deliberately annoying the others etc). It’s their house.

Later on the boys all play pillow fights in the playroom/den and a pillow hits the light fitting, breaking it. It’s repairable. The pillow was thrown by one of the older boys who has behaved well all day. It wasn’t deliberate. All the boys were throwing pillows.

Would you bollock the boy that threw it? I’m not a parent of the key players but I was there and I want to see how people would react.

If anyone is to blame it’s the adult who let them have a pillow fight. Something getting accidentally broken is a risk of pillow fights.

not sure what earlier behaviour has to do with it.

"Would you bollock the boy that threw it?"

No, I wouldn't.
They're kids messing about. Accidents happen.

ETA - But pillow fights are stupid.
Would've stopped that before it got to that point.

No I wouldn’t as it was an accident. I’d ask all children to be careful but I wouldn’t be angry.

Just context

No, wouldn’t tell off the boy whose throw caused the damage.

Well my first thought was how were the two siblings that were behaving appallingly allowed to get away with their behaviour? Why did an adult not step in and nip the behaviour in the bud?
The incident with the pillow fight seems a natural consequence of a lack of proper adult supervision. Coming down hard on the child who caused the damage seems too little, too late and unfair if the other children have behaved badly and been allowed to get away with it.

Sounds like the adult in charge let this whole situation run out of control. The kid who broke the light shouldn't get a bolloacking no, I wouldn't let kids do that in a room with breakables. If the pillow fight broke out before the adult got on the scene, bollock them all as any one could have broken something

If something gets broken when they were all messing about I’d tell them all off - it was a result of collective messing about. Maybe if the one who broke it had been a terror all day and all the others had been fine, I’d tell that one off specifically. But if it was more like group silliness the whole group gets it.

Id be more about calming them down than “bollocking” though I think.

And eta yes, the adults in charge are mostly at fault for this.

I agree the supervising parent is primarily the one to blame.

OP is it your son who copped it?

Honestly I wouldn't worry about a silly accident like that. Kids play, things can break. Most kids genuinely feel guilty when something breaks and that's a natural consequence and a lesson in itself. I might make a point of having to get them to help me go to a shop to buy a new one and talk about the cost etc just to highlight they need to be more careful.

Misbehaving all day is different. Throwing food is a much worse offense imo. That deserves a serious bollocking and no treats or a similar consequence.

I'm guessing OP someone yelled at your DS but turned a blind eye all day to what you perceive as worse behaviour?? In that case I would be pissed off too.

It was an accident waiting to happen, if they were all throwing pillows around it's mere chance that that particular throw was the one to break the light fitting. So any bollocking should be all of them or none of them. All of them if they'd been warned about their behaviour and were ignoring it; none of them if they'd been allowed to continue the pillow fight and none of the adults had foreseen the risk either.

I’d tell them all off but perhaps if the kids showed they treat their home with zero respect, the others felt emboldened to do so too. Did you tell them off?

The supervising adults are to blame. You say they had behaved appallingly all day. Had I been in that situation with my children, we would have left due to the unruly behaviour. And if it were at my home I would have asked all the others to leave due to the escalating bad behaviour between the group.

Ok thanks all. You have basically echoed my own thoughts. In answer to questions:

• Parent of siblings was making attempts to stop them but v half hearted.
• No I didn’t tell off someone else’s kids in their own home in presence of their parent. I did loudly and pointedly make the point to my own DC about importance of behaving nicely.
• Behaviour never became bad enough to leave. It would simmer down then get bad again IYSWIM. We were also out for some of it so not all in the home.
• Not my son who got bollocked. But the parent of siblings came down hard on the thrower and made pass agg comments for the following hour while light was put back together. Yes as pp said, parent of thrower was pissed at the reaction given they’d been ineffective about their own dc all day, when it was an accident and ironically they were just playing at this point rather than anyone “misbehaving”.

Basically it was like the parent jumped on the chance to deflect. I don’t intend on going back or inviting over. Just needed a check with the wise hive.

Play silly games, win stupid prizes
I'd have stopped the pillow fight because of the earlier food fight and tell my two to chill the hell out
Probably would have made them go outside instead or put a Netflix movie on
Wouldn't be yelling at the friend or expecting their parent to pay

The person who let it run out of control should be blamed. Although I have several sons and they did used to get a bit silly when friends come round. I probably would have given them all a bit of a bollocking actually and then probably not visit again until their kids had grown up and moved away 🤣🤣

Sounds like the adults in charge probably need to supervise their children a bit more.

This is sums it up, allowing a pillow fight then wondering why something gets broken?

The grown ups obviously. Allowing 5 boys to misbehave all day you're lucky it's only a light that was broken.

I take it that it was your boy that threw the pillow and he got a telling off by the boys (who, in your words, were behaving appallingly) mum? Playdates with that many boys in a house = mayhem and something is likely to get broke, especially if they are having pillow fights. I would rather take them to a field and let them run around.

my phone didn't load all replies so just seen you had said it wasn't your boy