Worried about relocating

[Newlysinglemum1]

I've recently separated from my stbxh and he's in trouble with police. It's likely to be made public soon and I need to move away from this area before that happens for the sake of ds and our safety. This was all very unexpected and I'm really struggling with the idea of relocation because it's the last thing I want to do.

Ive loved living in this area and it's where my friends are. I wanted ds to grow up around their kids. I have hobbies and things I like doing in this area. But I know I can't stay.

The best option is for me to move back to my hometown a few hours away, to stay with family for a bit until I can buy somewhere new and try to set myself and ds up there but I just do not want to be there. I couldn't wait to turn 18 to move away. I have no friends there, job opportunities are significantly more limited than where I live now and it all just feels like a massive step backwards. I never felt like I fitted when I lived there and now I'm dreading the idea of having to rebuild my entire life there.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can reframe this so it doesn't feel so bleak? Maybe tips on how I can start to rebuild a life for myself?

Why can't you stay? A friend's husband was put in jail for tax fraud and no one blamed her - small tight knit community too. Everyone knew but supported her. And actually he's back now and everything is ok.

Stbxh trouble involves children and he's known in the area for working with children. There's no way I could stay.

There are surely other places you could live than where you are now or the place you grew up.

You say moving back to where you grew up is your best option, what are the other options? Can you reframe your view on one of those instead?

My other thinking is the further I can get ds away from him the better, it might make it harder for him to fight for regular contact

Then wide your search for somewhere new to live.

Is there anywhere you've always wanted to live, e.g. near the sea, in London, I'm the country, midlands, city etc etc.

How old is DS?

I don't feel like I have another option. I know that ds and I will be temporarily homeless so I will have to stay with family to give him stability while I wait for the sale of our current home. Plus it means my parents will be able to help with childcare. I wouldn't have any help otherwise and as I'll need to get a new job I'm worried about being unreliable.

Ds is 2. Its likely stbxh will lose his job and I can't afford everything on my current wage so I need to be able to reduce my childcare by a day a week ideally which my family will help with. I think I'm just grieving how much I'm about to lose really.

Can you live somewhere close enough to your family to help that isn't exactly where you grew up? Or plan to do that after you find a job and stay with family very temporarily?

Sorry to hear you are having such a big chance imposed upon you in a dreadful way.

@Newlysinglemum1 that sounds really tough and daunting. Don't rule out claiming any benefits you might be entitled to receive that could help, and remember from September the funded childcare hours expands to 9m+ olds so your DS should be eligible for that. Use it.

I understand why being near family will be useful, but is there another town nearby like the next town over that could work?

As someone a little bit removed but with issues like this with one member of my extended family, it's really hard. It's not your fault tho, it's all on him.

These people might be able to help.

Support group

Thanks, I've looked into it and because nursery costs in this area are so high (we don't have the funded childcare hours in this area) I can't get a mortgage unless my family are doing my childcare. And then I earn too much to get benefits without childcare costs. And mortgage payments would actually be cheaper than rental costs which is madness so it makes sense for me to try and do that.

@Straightouttachelmsford thank you I will look at that! Because I kicked him out there's been absolutely zero support which seems totally unfair.

Maybe treat the move to your home town as temporary so you can find a job and somewhere more permanent for when your son starts school. To be honest as much as you like the idea of your kid growing up around your friends' kids, it doesn't always work our, they make their own friends and might not get along. Best of luck!