Should we use DC money?

[Barongreenback87]

DC is 17. When he turns 18 he has £12k coming to him. £6k in savings from us and the same about from child trust fund.

He wants to do his private pilots licence. I have no idea if this will ever lead anywhere long term. He has SEN. It's his dream. The licence course is £11.5k. We don't have that kind of money.

I've suggested he uses £6k of own money and we will find the other half.

Thoughts ?.

I feel terrible, but this is the only way we can afford it

Why do you feel bad? It's fine for him to use his savings on something that he wants to do (assuming you'd treat any other children the same)

I don't understand why you feel bad?

Depends on what else the money might be needed for? Uni, or driving lessons plus car might be essential for some young people to get a job.

It’s about to be his money anyway, so if it won’t impact terribly on his other life choices then it sounds like this is what he really wants.

It's generous to offer to pay half when it's not a traditional qualification and may not lead anywhere. I am not even sure I'd do that if he can afford it himself with the money he comes into. However, I don't know much about the licence and whether it's a good investment.

I feel bad because his savings should be for long term - own home, help towards living costs. He may never get a good job due to his condition and could need every penny he has. We will always help him money wise as much as we can.

It just feels such an awful lot of money to pay out and as his parents we should pay it all

Have you investigated as to whether or not his specific SEN needs would even allow him to fly? There are a lot of things that bar people from being able to pilot an aeroplane.

He won't go to uni. He's still doing gcse for the next 2 years. All he wants is this pilots licence but it might not lead anywhere. We could pay the money, half each us and him, and he never passes the course or gets a job in that field. He can barely bring himself to speak to order in a restaurant. He is physically able to.

Plus, I'm can't bear the thought of him flying solo once qualified, in a light aircraft. The danger. He has never been on a bus alone or brought anything in a shop - all his choice, he is able to do all these things but choses not to

Has he tried a private lesson first? You can do one for about £150 for an introduction to flying.

Maybe suggest that yes, getting his PPL might be great, but he would probably have a better chance of passing if he waits until he is, say 21. So then you could suggest he puts the money in another savings environment where it is safe and can grow even more.

That way you can sound encouraging and perhaps he will change his mind by that time.

Has he learned to drive yet? That would be first on the list before PPL.

OP - he can barely bring himself to speak in a restaurant? Do you mean he literally cannot? That might be a bit of a worry for the course.

Will he be able to communicate with ATC and his instructor? You need to be able to communicate clearly / concisely and fairly often with ATC when flying.

Is his maths good? His studying? Lots of the course is learning based as well as the practical part.

We will pay for the pilot medical before booking any £££ course. If he can't pass the medical, he can't get the licence.

He's had a few pay as you go lessons which he loved. we've offered to pay for the course via pay as you go. That would take 2 years. He's not happy with that and had a meltdown over it saying that he will never remember what he learnt (classroom wise) over the course of the 2 years, when it's comes to the written exam. There are around 9 exams plus the flight exam. His writing is terrible and due to this he loathes writing and does as little as he can. I've brought him a handwriting book, but he refuses to use it atm.

It feels like you’re starting from the assumption that this needs to happen. You don’t have to pay for it, he doesn’t have to do it. I get that it’s his dream, a lot of people have expensive dreams that they don’t manage to realise.

Having said that, if this money is going to be in his name, and he has capacity to access and spend it, you can’t prevent him from using all the money on it.

I agree a lesson for a special present sounds like a good start.

He's not happy with that and had a meltdown over it saying that he will never remember what he learnt (classroom wise) over the course of the 2 years, when it's comes to the written exam.

If he’s not going to remember the information then how on earth is he going to be a safe and competent pilot?

From what you have said it doesn’t sound like realistically he will be able to do it. Perhaps do the medical first and then take it from there?

If he can't retain information over time how is he going to be safe to fly let alone pass an exam? Payg seems like a better option.

Assuming he could get the licence - would this lead to employment or make him more employable in future?

If not then I think it’s ok to say no. If money is limited then it’s not sensible to spend £11.5k on what is basically an expensive hobby. I get that it’s his dream but many people have expensive dreams that have to be shelved for the future. Far, far more sensible to spend the money on something that will benefit him long term.

To me it sounds like he needs to demonstrate that he can and will do x y z first such as writing. Otherwise he can't pass his licence anyway.

Carry on with the occasional private lesson unless he chooses to work on his difficulties.

He needs to learn that he can't demand to do X and it happens.

If he doesn’t think he’ll remember the course over an amount of time how will he remember after he’s completed the training anyway?

I think it sounds like the course in general may be a bit overwhelming for him, does he have to do the full licence? Can’t he continue to do flying lessons as a hobby?

I think that’s a lot of money to spend on something that’s unlikely to lead to a job in the future if money is a concern.

@keylimedog he can communicate fine but often chooses not to. He would communicate for flying thoughHe's researched the pilot (ppl) course and already knows about the process, course, requirements etc from his own research. He is not studious what so ever. He failed all his gcse and is now wanting to re do them. He has more capability than he showed in his exams and the possibility of getting some grades. No idea re maths, we never see his work. He was in an SEMH school not maim stream

Your titile shouldn't be 'we' but 'he'.
You are under no expectation to fund an expensive course you don't agree with and he may not finish.
I think a one off 'taster' session as mentioned upthread is a good idea - the reality may be somewhat different to the fantasy. However, should he really want this and is capable of doing it, then he should decide and work out how to fund it, whether that be on his own or with your financial contribution.

On the one hand I would say it’s his money so no need for guilt.
On the other I wonder if this would be a waste as a private pilots license as far as I am aware doesn’t lead to employment in the same way a commercial license would - but I know next to nothing about it and maybe you need the private one first?
Also, it is a concern that he feels he wouldn’t recall the knowledge for the exam would he recall it for safe flying? Assuming it is a more intense version of driver theory and is things you need to know for safe day to day flying.

I think you need to come up with a plan with him in order to help him achieve his goal. Absolutely no reason he cannot use his savings to fund this IMO - it's HIS savings. I agree with the poster who said it may be easier if he waits till he's a little older. This would give him time to work on the factors that could hinder him.

I would consider he spends some of his money in some sort of help with his anxiety and lack of ability to socially interact with others. This is so important not just for communicating while learning to fly, but also in life generally. If he can learn some techniques to help with this, I would say that's money (his) very well spent. You'll have to seek advice/recommendations on who to use, but I would suggest try a local charity that helps locally with SEN as well as ask about locally for recommendations.

You need to discuss with him the need to converse with the instructor when learning to fly - or that'll be money down the drain and he'll never achieve it.
So he needs to prove that he can take instruction and ask for help while learning to fly, and to show initiative and act on it - he needs to be brave and try bus trips solo - you can initially send someone with him to sit away from him as back up for example, and to send him into shops solo to ask for and to buy things.
Until he can do this sort of thing solo, I really think it's be a waste of his money.

I would encourage him to retake his GCSE as in order to get a job post PPL (if he ever gets it) I'm quite sure he'll need it, and you say he is capable. I'd make English & Maths mandatory if he wants to then do his PPL.

I would suggest he learns to drive first, as it'll (more cheaply) give him an idea how to control the speed of an engine and how to steer. And will be so much more useful - if he can pass his test that is. Given his SEN needs, I'd perhaps go for an automatic lesson/series of lessons as there's a little less to think about.

For flying, I would see if you can find a trial lesson - has he ever flown in a small aircraft before? An example:
https://www.intotheblue.co.uk/experiences/flying-lessons-buckinghamshire/
He may find while he likes flying he doesn't actually want to control the plane/lacks the confidence to.
In which case you could steer him to some other plane related career.

If he does do his pilot's licence I always remember when one of my brothers did his - he kept disappearing to Guernsey for holidays. We all thought he had a secret girlfriend over there. Actually all it was was that the whole course was cheaper to do in Guernsey - he just didn't tell anyone!

I have ND children and you've posted word for word what I'd advise.. that there are so many smaller things that could need to be achieved first.

The step by step approach to dealing with all things he struggles with is an excellent suggestion!

Putting it bluntly, with your description, I can't see him being able to gain a pilots licence. The rules are very rigid, for good reasons.
One if life most important lessons is just because you want something,.it doesn't mean you can have it