Friendship and drink driving

[Poddypuppy]

My gut feeling is that I’m not being unreasonable to end a friendship over this. A long-standing friend of ours drove home after drinking a large amount of alcohol at a barbecue recently. My sister was serving the drinks and saw exactly what he had drunk (spirits). Everyone tried to stop him from driving home, offering lifts in their own cars etc. He point blank refused, claiming he hadn’t had much and would be fine. He really wasn’t ok to drive! My partner and I really don’t want to continue the friendship with him. Apparently it’s not the first time he’s driven off over the limit, but he’s never been caught. We weren’t aware of this previously. For personal reasons, my partner and I take a really dim view of his behaviour. We have expressed our feelings to him and he was in complete denial, and in fact got quite nasty with us. Are we overreacting?

Not overreacting at all. He is a cockwombling dickwadding arsehat!!
Hope he's caught and loses his licence for a LONG time..
I would def reduce friendship.

Everyone tried to stop him from driving home, offering lifts in their own cars etc. He point blank refused, claiming he hadn’t had much and would be fine. He really wasn’t ok to drive!

Did no one either tell him if you get behind the wheel I’m calling the police? Or even better, did no one report him?

Did no one take his keys? Call 999? Fuck sake!

When he drove off who called the police?

YANBU, it is one of those things that would change how I felt about someone.

I really wish we had done this. Thankfully he got home without incident. My partner had words with him today and said he wished he’d let the police know. His reaction to this was to be minimise the event and to be shocked that an old friend would be prepared to “grass up” an old mate!

Oh dear, so no one, no one at all took any action
shame...

You’re not overreacting and you need to report him to the Police and give them his vehicle details.

Ex friend I hope now. So he thinks he's right to have done this? Fucking arse

My dh had a strong conversation with a friend of his whose behaviour changes negatively when he drinks. Drink driving is not involved.

His friend's reaction was to apologise for these changes in his behaviour, as they had obviously upset dh. We haven't seen him have a drink since, in spite of being at many social occasions.

THAT is an appropriate reaction!

Getting pissy with you is not ok.

I think you are right to end the friendship.

Probably too late as the event happened last week.

Thank you all for your replies. There’s no doubt in my mind now that we’ve done the right thing in ending the friendship. The guy in question is quite a dominating character, who seems to get away with quite outrageous stuff tbh, and never takes responsibility when challenged. He’s really shown his true colours on this occasion though. If I ever find myself in a situation again with a drink driver, I’ll contact the police.

I would have called the police.

Why did nobody call the Police?? You were all complicit.
But to answer your AIBU that would be a hard line for me, I'd have nothing more to do with him.

Were you at the barbecue or heard about it later?

I’m afraid if you were there and did nothing then I find I find it a bit astonishing that you decide to start a thread on here about “ending a friendship”. You actually could have taken action at the time.

The fact he got home without an “incident” is more luck than judgement. Drink drivers rarely kill themselves so perhaps the question you should have asked yourself is could you live with yourself if he kills someone.

Believe me he doesn’t give a shit if you are still friends and probably won’t even notice.

I’ll always regret not doing this. Thank god he got home without anyone being harmed or killed.

You can still give his details on 101 if he regularly drink drives.

We were at the barbecue I’m afraid, and along with others tried to stop him driving home; we offered to take him in our car. I do get your point though.

My uncle drinks and drives.....he a driving instructor/examiner. He drove home from the pub a 5 minute walk away.

I hate him for it, and cut off all contact. He now lives on another country, and drink drives there too.

Drink/drug driving is totally unacceptable. I wish I had been brave enough to report him when he lived here, but worried about the fallout which I'm ashamed of now.

I think I really lacked the courage to do this too

In case you wonder why this is so damaging, assuming that you are quite mentally strong, there was a piece written in 2011 (1st July) called 'The Obliterated Place' still findable in an online column called 'The Rumpus Advice Column'. The format is a list of 22 points. If grieving etc, I don't recommend looking it up though. If anything will give you the push to take the keys away in the event you could be in that situation again, then that letter/ response should.

If ever you're in the same position again, please 🙏 please 🙏 please 🙏 phone the police. They will turn up/follow/meet driver at home. Its appallingly selfish behaviour

I have just read this; it was really tough to read. That poor, poor man. Honestly think I will act differently if I find myself in a similar situation again. Thank you Ormally x

Thanks. It's heartbreaking. But I must say that that in particular (and others replied to by the same 'agony aunt') have really stayed with me and accelerated my 'growing a pair' in a lot of ways.