I can’t stop buying stuff I don’t need!

[Charityshopaddict]

Hello all! I’ll try not to ramble.

I’m looking for a little bit of help from anyone who has experience with this.

I cannot stop buying items I don’t need. I feel out of control. My house is stuffed so full that I feel completely overwhelmed with everything I currently own, yet I always manage to bring more home. I rarely buy anything new, it’s always second hand items. Things no one else wants and I feel compelled to give them a home.

Through life just being life, I feel as though I’ve lost my identity and I think I buy things to help me become this dream self. Unfortunately, my attempt isn’t giving me anything back. It’s only taking away my space, money, time and energy.

I’ve had enough and I’m trying to declutter today. Or at least start. Thing only thing is… how? Does anyone else have any tips? Is there anybody out there that feels or has felt the same way I do? I feel lost and overwhelmed. Any help is greatly appreciated.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. X

I don't shop much. But can you replace the dopamine hit that you get from shopping with some other free or low cost dopamine hit? Like a walk, a chat with a friend, a TV show, two squares of chocolate... anything you enjoy.

If you look in here you'll find two long-running threads about decluttering and hoarding. Have a read, ask for help

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/housekeeping

I’ve managed to declutter quite successfully over the last few years. I think what helped for me was to think of it as a long term process, always making sure more stuff was going out than coming in. Saying thank you and goodbye to items for their service! Filling the bin up to the brim on rubbish day. Imagining what my house would look like when empty, and really trying to envisage how I wanted to live.

@CharlotteRumpling
Thank you very much for your reply. I’ll definitely try those alternatives. I’m focused on the decluttering but not the stopping of the shopping. I’ll need to keep that in mind.

@DisplayPurposesOnly
Thank you very much for replying and for attaching that link! Going to have a read through it now.

I found a hoarders website that really helped me a few years ago. I will try and find it again and give you the link

@Moltenpink
Thank you very much for your reply. Well done for decluttering. I get attached to my items so like the idea of consciously saying thank you and goodbye to them. Good tips.

I think you would benefit from reading the life changing magic of tidying up by Marie Kondo. You need to learn how to let stuff go, and she is very good at teaching that.

Whilst you declutter reassure yourself at every step that you are allowed to have nice things and you are going through the nesserary process to actually find the best things so you can fully enjoy them.

You can keep them as long as there is room for them. For example, let's say you have over collected books.
You go through them reducing them until you have the correct number that can easily fit into the bookcase.
Same with any category of stuff in your house you have too much of.
By reframing the situation as a treasure hunt you can possibly reduce the horrible feelings of guilt and fear.
Find the stuff you love, enjoy and have room for - get rid if the rest.

I think you’re on the right track with decluttering. I’ve found A Slob Comes Clean really helpful, and particularly the emphasis on completing small steps - no pulling everything out, no making piles for later. Having done both of those things in the past, my experience is that when the energy runs out and you’re looking at an even bigger mess, it’s too easy to lapse back into the easy win of going shopping again.

The more you get out of your house the better, but doing it consistently over a longer period really changes how your brain sees new stuff.

In the meantime, a tip I’ve found very useful is to pick up something I’m tempted to buy, and walk it to a different part of the store and look at it away from its display area (which is designed to entice). A lovely vase looks amazing beside the candles, throws and picture frames but not quite as impressive on its lonesome beside the mops and buckets.

Another tip that works for me is to have a buy later policy - I can’t buy things that aren’t on my shopping list on this trip but I can come back later and get it. That doesn’t feel like deprivation - it often feels like a (mildly) exciting plan but it can be enough of a gap for common sense to reassert itself, or at least for a mature decision to be made.

I’ve been selling stuff on eBay and vinted -imv it’s such a pain that it puts you off buying stuff to avoid the reselling hassle!!

If you're buying things from physical shops, I think the first step is to go down routes that avoid stores where you'll be tempted. Try other means of getting out the house and getting a free dopamine hit, e.g. feeding ducks or litter picking etc.

As you're decluttering, think about how someone else may get good use out of the thing you're donating or giving away. It's been gathering dust in your home, but might be precisely what someone else needs where it'll be loved and used.

The other thing I like to do sometimes is 'shop' in my own home - it's amazing the things you forget you own (and I declutter regularly!). As you're going through your piles of things, try on a few tops etc and see which are better than the clothes you regularly wear on rotation. By having less, you get to improve on quality and you'll know where everything is and get to enjoy it more.

Lastly, and most importantly, it sounds like you would benefit from some type of therapy - I think it's common to shop to fill a void (I did most of my online shopping when I was deeply unhappy!). Being able to talk about what's driving you to 'save' items and source out that dopamine hit will help you close this chapter of your life.

Don't fall into the trap of feeling shame for your circumstances - shame is a poor motivator and can actually lead to more of your undesired behaviours. Just recognise that you want to make a change, and that it's a positive step in the right direction. And don't try and battle everything at once, just pack up one bag at a time. Best of luck OP