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Family unit fucked . So worried about ds , miss him

17 replies

Shitshowme · 03/08/2024 11:49

Ds is 17 and vunerble due to mental heath and easy lead. He is staying in supported accommodation.its not heavily supported. There's staff there to help sort out UC housing benefit etc and there's a curfew.

Ds was very close to his sister she's 27. He used to see her often she would have a friend or 2 there and ds would take his friend there and they would all chat maybe a bit of music and a drink abit . The drink part was only once a month or something they called it kitchen vibes 😅 ds also popped home alot get his washing done eat the food cook etc he would still chill in his room . Stay over sometimes

DD had a friend also 27. Ds 17 often used to see her with DD. The friend used to slag ds of to dd and dd just used to change the subject bypass it because she said it was petty and sge can't be arsed with it etc any ds and the friend starter hanging out together without DD. And not inviting her stopped popping round like before.

Ds stopped popping home and stopped communication with me unless it was to do with wanting money.

The friend is very toxic and dd should have got rid of her a long time ago . But anyway in brief the exfriend has:

Through a massive odd tantrum where she got very aggressive and nasty because DD got council housing and got housed faster than normal. Due to DV . She said dd played the system etc ...

She tried to cause problems with me and DD by telling me. Dd was seeing a recent ex. Who she was not meant to be seeing due to him getting physical with her. The exfriend was sending me loads of messages saying how dd was seeing him. That the kids are at risk . She's going to report it because the kids need taking away. Etc ect it went on and on and I believed her . She told me she had evidence that dd was going to see her recent ex again. I asked her to send it to me. It was her saying would you get back with A and dd had said . I wish things were different but their not so I can't. Same thing was said a handful of times with slightly different wording. I had got myself inti a real state over this thinking dd was going to get her kids taken. Anyway once I realised it wad nit true I blocked her.

The same girl also decided to tell my 17 year old DS I was taking his pip. I'm his appointee because he can't manage money well etc . But this was not true. Ds loves money anything to do with money he will bite . I even showed him statements to show I was putting his money in his account. He tried to say that's not all from you. L (dd) put money in as well . I could not get him to understand that on my account it would only show money I had transferred. It was odd that he thought it would show what dd had put in. He's definitely more clever than that . The friend told ds I owe him around 4k . Sod knows where that came from. But either way he believes her.

The 27 year old also told people DD was slagging her kids off. Then she changed it ti that DS was slagging her kids of . She oppolgised and said someone had lied.

The most recent thing that's the biggest issue is the girl was in contact with DD long ago ex fron 4 years back it was a domestic violence issue. He went to prison . There was heavy social services involvement. Dd also most had her child take away and had to do alot of work with social services and other agencies etc it was an awful time. Recently dd was a bit of a prick. Her EX manged to contact her on a fake account through social media. There was a few messages sent dd decided to talk to him verbally. And told him you need to go away you get on with your liife leave me to get on with mine. Hoping if she actually said it he might just go away.

Next thing I get screen shots of the contact that happen between Dd and her 4yr ago ex which ds sent me. But they came from the exfriend. Saying they are going to tell social services. And get her kids taken I completely shit it . The odd thing Is that DD 4yr ago ex sent them to dd exfriend. So he's kind of grassed himself
Because of the threats dd got about reporting to social services. She had to report it all to police and social services. The 4yr ago ex is now back in prison.

We do believe this was a set up from the exfriend. A week ish ago there was a message sent from the dd long ago ex to the exfriend it just said yo. Ds17 and the friend had told me about it I said just block him and don't reply they said OK. Then a few days or so back I get the screen shots I mentioned above. But there was also messages from the exfriend. To the exboyfriend Saying have you spoken to her yet (dd) what was said. That's when the exboyfriend sent the screen shots to the exfriend. Once the exfriend had the screen shots she then went silent on the exboyfriend . The ex boyfriend then send a message say to the exfriend. What's going on , hello , I think there's something bad going on here .

Now because of all this dd is having to get an emergency move. Because it's believed if the ex friend went this far it's likely she's also given dds address to the ex. The DV advocate and social services have now said ds17 is now a danger to dd and her children. Because of the close relationship he seems to be in with the ex friend. And that he knows all this has happend and has Ben influenced by the ex friend etc.

Ds is now completely isolated from the family his social worker has said she's going to have more contact with him. But she is worried about him because of this woman. But she said we are going to have to let him go through it and hope he realises what's going on . I just feel so sad that this girl was trying to fuck up our family unit and now she's managed to. I'm really praying ds sees it soon

The thread is really meant to be about ds . But I felt I needed to explain everything that's let to this situation and had heavy impact on ds and the family relationship. All because of some fixed up toxic woman. Sw is gkibg to keep ne updated with how ds is etc.

OP posts:
Shitshowme · 03/08/2024 13:08

Sorry it's so long. I did not even read it back. So might be hard to read . My brain just feels blurred

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 03/08/2024 13:11

Sorry for what you are going through. I hope it all works out.

Shitshowme · 03/08/2024 13:15

pikkumyy77 · 03/08/2024 13:11

Sorry for what you are going through. I hope it all works out.

I think it will. I think its a time thing . I think we just need to wait for ds.

OP posts:
Shitshowme · 03/08/2024 13:44

What I will never understand is why. Why are some people like this . I mean what does she get from it . She had been clearly trying to cause upset in our family for a while. And when it came to involving ds it worked sadly. I just don't understand why

OP posts:
LittleLittleRex · 03/08/2024 13:46

It sounds awful, but I think it will help you to focus on what you can actually control (you can't do anything to change the behaviour of ex-friend).

Both DD and DS clearly need guidance on making better relationship decisions and putting boundaries in place. DD has had two violent partners and is only 27, DS has been involved in very adult drama much too young while his peers are all still worrying about homework etc.

Can you look at the Freedom program for DD and assist DS in finding a more appropriate peer group, where he can be a 17yo?

The fuller their lives are with good things, the less space this kind of drama will take up. Good luck.

Shitshowme · 03/08/2024 13:55

LittleLittleRex · 03/08/2024 13:46

It sounds awful, but I think it will help you to focus on what you can actually control (you can't do anything to change the behaviour of ex-friend).

Both DD and DS clearly need guidance on making better relationship decisions and putting boundaries in place. DD has had two violent partners and is only 27, DS has been involved in very adult drama much too young while his peers are all still worrying about homework etc.

Can you look at the Freedom program for DD and assist DS in finding a more appropriate peer group, where he can be a 17yo?

The fuller their lives are with good things, the less space this kind of drama will take up. Good luck.

Thank you. All this has been done already.

The only reason ds has got involved in all this is because the ex friend of dds . Has told him stuff and he believes it sadly . He's only 17 is quit gullible . But the exfriend tried to cause me and dd issues, then she tried to cause issues between me and ds. Then between ds and dd. Sadly once she tried with ds . He fell for it . But he's very young so I think that's how she managed it .

The suggestion of ds being guided into better peer groups is impossible. Because others no communication at the moment. Sw has said we just have ti let him go through it. And hope he sees it. Abd she's seeing him more often

OP posts:
Shitshowme · 04/08/2024 13:56

I messaged ds this morning to ask if he wanted to come to the beach tomorrow. I promised him it would judt be me him and younger siblings no other adults etc . Thete were several messages then he said no. Really thought I was getting somewhere.

But he just phoned me to check who's here and asked if he can come over . I'm praying that's a good thing.

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/08/2024 14:00

Why is a 17 year old in supported accommodation?

I have Audhd dd18. She’s socially and mentally behind her peers. She still lives at home where she can be properly supported

Shitshowme · 04/08/2024 14:03

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/08/2024 14:00

Why is a 17 year old in supported accommodation?

I have Audhd dd18. She’s socially and mentally behind her peers. She still lives at home where she can be properly supported

Because it's what he choose. It's kond of complicated. Abd nkt the best time to discuss it. I only said about him being in supported accommodation as he does not live at home .

OP posts:
ettiespaghetti · 04/08/2024 14:19

Shitshowme · 04/08/2024 13:56

I messaged ds this morning to ask if he wanted to come to the beach tomorrow. I promised him it would judt be me him and younger siblings no other adults etc . Thete were several messages then he said no. Really thought I was getting somewhere.

But he just phoned me to check who's here and asked if he can come over . I'm praying that's a good thing.

This seems positive , I hope the beach trip can happen ! It sounds like you’ve had an awful time, I can’t imagine how you must feel. As you said , hopefully, in time this will sort itself out , keep up with the neutral contact with him and he’ll start to see more and more who was the manipulative one in all of this x

Shitshowme · 04/08/2024 14:23

ettiespaghetti · 04/08/2024 14:19

This seems positive , I hope the beach trip can happen ! It sounds like you’ve had an awful time, I can’t imagine how you must feel. As you said , hopefully, in time this will sort itself out , keep up with the neutral contact with him and he’ll start to see more and more who was the manipulative one in all of this x

Yeah. He may not feel ready for a beach trip. But by the same token he may be trying to see how the vibe feels... he's here now asking for uber eats . Kind if good I guess. I'm not intending on mentioning the situation at all. I think we just Need time first

OP posts:
Shitshowme · 04/08/2024 16:46

He didn't stay long . But it was ok. Is wasn't totally relaxed but it's still a big step compared with a few days or so back. I'm not going to tell anyone he's been over etc . Best just to keep things quite and allow emotions to settle. And pray ds naturally distances himself from this toxic person .

OP posts:
Shitshowme · 06/08/2024 13:45

Ds just called me. He told me that the toxic person he's been hanging out with. Has gone away for a few days so he's looking after her dog. He said he's staying over her place and his own and mixing it a bit.

He told me a bit of gossip about his accommodation.

And asked me why we missed him when we went on our day out yesterday. . He kind of laughed.

His tone sounded better than before. I'm really hoping that means something.

I also don't think he fully understands the situation. Yesterday when I told him adult dd missed him to. He said that will teach her to slag people off. So I'm not sure he understands it's about the danger that the toxic person put dd in.

Either way it's the wrong time to fully explain it to him. But at least he's reaching out a bit . That's all that matters at the moment.

OP posts:
Shitshowme · 09/08/2024 22:00

DD and DS are going to meet up and have a chat. I'm really hoping they can clear the air.

OP posts:
AlwaysTheRenegade · 12/08/2024 06:39

How did the meeting go @Shitshowme ?

Shitshowme · 12/08/2024 11:32

AlwaysTheRenegade · 12/08/2024 06:39

How did the meeting go @Shitshowme ?

It's all got very complicated. I have had to step away.

OP posts:
MelodyFinch · 20/02/2025 07:51

If I have understood your post. Please watch out for people who try to cut your vulnerable child off from their family. They could be trying to take over their finances.

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