What advice do I give my DS here?

[confusedallday]

My DS has a group of friends, one of which is a girl. They are all 8. He recently started to play with a new group of friends, no falling out with the old group just more in common with the new kids. One boy and girl from the old group started saying unkind things to my DS, probably general kids stuff but he decided he didn’t want to play with them.

This girl now on two occasions has been pulling at my son’s arms and legs, I’m assuming to get his attention. He’s told her off but he’s unsure what to do as she’s a girl.
i would normally say to (within reason) kick or pull away.

What advice do I give him please?

Presumably if they are 8 there is normally an adult around. He needs to loudly Day "please stop touching me/pulling me" then go and tell the adult if it continues.

Kicking is never the correct response regardless of boys/girls.

Moving your body away from someone someone when they are touching it and you don't want them to is always ok regardless of sex.
Kicking isn't.
I'd tell mine to move away and if it keeps happening tell an adult.

Kicking isn't a great response and will not go down well.

Moving away is the right thing to do.
Saying don't pull at my arm might also help.

If this is when they are playing out unsupervised then you need to tell him any issues he comes home immediately. You also need to text the other parents to let them know/ ask their children to leave DS alone.

But definitely don’t tell him to kick out or retaliate 🤦🏻‍♀️

Thank you.

When I say kick I more so mean using his other leg to push them away when they grab his leg sitting on the ground. Sorry didn’t explain that well.

My kids have been told however they have permission to hit back if someone hits them.

Hitting back unless it’s actually to defend yourself in the eyes of schools etc will put your DC as much in the wrong as the original hitter. That type of thing makes any incidents of bullying incredibly hard to deal with.

If the kids are out on their own it is also ridiculously risky in terms of safety.

At a similar age I started my kids in martial arts.
The message from there was that if someone hits you the best response is to run away.

You only hit back if running away is not a possibility.

In school you run and tell a teacher.

Out of school you just leave if possible.

In my personal opinion
Hitting back tends to escalate the situation and it's only really worth doing if you are confident your kid will win any fight that develops.

Summed up in the first post

No, not necessarily it depends where you live. And how overprotective parents are.

Well if they are on holidays they don't need to be with each other do they?

It’s an out of school club they are attending at the same time.

I taught my kids to shout STOP or leave me alone really loudly. As loud as they can. Yell it in the person’s face. If nothing else it will draw the attention of a nearby adult.

I Am also Ok with hitting back if someone actually hits you but this doesn’t sound like hitting.

So you need to talk to the leaders

There's no reasonable way to kick someone.

Your further explanation didn't help.

Retaliation can get them permanently excluded from school. Best nip that in the bud.

Well to give a school example, he was sitting on the playground playing a game. She grabbed his leg pulling him, dragging him across the ground, his arms were being used to hold his body and head up, one leg free. I advised he could use the free leg to push, wriggle out of her grip and go to a teacher once free. Think that’s pretty reasonable.

It isn't acceptable to teach children to physically retaliate as a first response. All children are thought tell an adult.

So you should be supporting the schools rules, tell an adult.

I meant in general, they have been taught to defend themselves. From personal experience, walking away and not hitting back made things worse. The first and only time I hit back, the bullying stopped immediately as they then knew, they weren’t getting away with it.

In the scenario you describe he should shout or yell out to attract attention - if he kicks her he's likely ti find himself in trouble.

and I assume you told school what happened?

I did yes.