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Original poster

Would you remortgage to help your child get on the property ladder?

100 replies

SunshineonLeaves · 01/08/2024 22:22

I’m a 50 something single parent, average earner with a mortgage, a small amount of debt (car loan) and a few thousand in savings.

DC is 22, graduated last year and working with a reasonable decent salary. They are desperate to move out with partner and have saved a fair bit towards a deposit but it’s not enough. I don’t have enough savings to help them, their Dad can’t/wont and same for partner’s parents.

If I remortgaged my payments would obviously increase and I’d be taking on more debt but it would mean I could help them. Trouble is it’s taken me years to get in a half decent position financially and I’m concerned how it will affect my future - not getting any younger etc.

Would you help or should they make their own way?

OP posts:
Mousefoot · 01/08/2024 23:57

I'd help if I could afford to, but probably not at 22 and I don't think you can.

You're helping by providing a free/cheap place to live while they save, and 22 would be very young to be buying.

I might consider letting partner move in with me too for a while, provided there is clear evidence that they are both saving and there's an end date and partner has somewhere to return to if it all goes horribly wrong

ViciousCurrentBun · 02/08/2024 02:15

Absolutely no way would I do this. I know it’s harder now but you mess up now aged 50 and there is no time to recoup for old age.

Frazzled2108 · 02/08/2024 04:31

Absolutely not. I don't know why you would. They are only 22 and can make their own way.

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General money
physicar · 02/08/2024 04:36

No, you can't afford it.

PorridgeWobbler · 02/08/2024 06:07

Drizzlethru · 01/08/2024 22:34

No.

What happens when they break up and your daughter’s partner takes 50% and then she needs help staring again?

At 22 they have plenty of time to be frugal, no holidays, to save.

This.

You can’t afford it AND you risk giving your money away to your daughters partner if they separate.

At 22 there is no rush to buy a house.

kitchendiscotime · 02/08/2024 06:11

I was 35 when I got on the property ladder so no I wouldn't help a 22-year-old! They have plenty of time to save.

MrsKwazi · 02/08/2024 06:17

echoing what everyone else said, but also - don’t make their path too smooth. There is a lot of worth in struggling a bit, a lot of life lessons to be learnt.

Wallywobbles · 02/08/2024 06:18

Absolutely not. Imagine if they split and he gets half. You'll be fucking up the rest of your life for someone else's child.

Original poster
SunshineonLeaves · 02/08/2024 10:28

Thanks everyone. Just to say I have discussed this with a mortgage advisor and if I did help there would be a deed of trust stating what I had contributed which would be ring-fenced in the event of a split.

That said I'm leaning towards not doing it for all the other reasons stated but I do feel for my DC - living at home with a parent is no fun at that age - even though we get on really well they need their freedom and to some extent I'd like mine! I dont know what the answer is - renting is just so ridiculously expensive that they'd never be able to save as well.

OP posts:
DaphneduM · 02/08/2024 10:39

No, I wouldn't do this in your situation. You're a single parent and need to think of your own needs first, particularly as you're aged 50. 22 is still very young, it won't hurt them to carry on saving. Also you say your ex won't or can't help and neither can her parents. So why should you be the only one?

I did help my daughter and son-in-law with a deposit, but they were quite a bit older than your daughter. Also it was money that originated from my parents, so I was just passing some of it on.

You could offer for them to live with you for a while so they can carry on saving?

DaphneduM · 02/08/2024 10:40

Sorry, just read that they do live with you already, so you're absolutely being very helpful and doing your bit!

Soitis83 · 02/08/2024 10:42

My dad did for me sister. Would I when my children are old enough? Absolutely.

FluffyLemonClouds · 02/08/2024 10:45

Drizzlethru · 01/08/2024 22:34

No.

What happens when they break up and your daughter’s partner takes 50% and then she needs help staring again?

At 22 they have plenty of time to be frugal, no holidays, to save.

This totally this , then walks away with a deposit to put in a house with someone else

GasPanic · 02/08/2024 10:54

Depends. What is your pension situation ? What is your inheritance situation ?

From what you have posted it does not sound like you are in particularly good shape. You still have a mortgage at 50 and no significant savings (a few thousand). If you don't have a pension either then retirement is not going to be great.

If your DD is a graduate her earnings should start accelerating fairly quickly. Hopefully the wish to move out will provide her with some motivation to head towards jobs with higher earnings. She could also move to a less expensive area.

ScaryPrairie · 02/08/2024 11:02

In certain circumstances it’s a very smart move, but your own financial circumstances are much too precarious.

One thing you might consider is remortgaging in order to release enough funds (30-40% of purchase price) for a buy-to-let mortgage on a property that would still be in your name. The children (and at 22 that’s what they are) would be your tenants and in time the rental income would supplement your pension. Not all mortgage lenders will allow renting to family and you may not satisfy the equity criteria on your own home, but worth a chat with an informed mortgage broker. Godiva who are part of Co-Op Bank are usually a good bet.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 02/08/2024 11:06

No, definitely not. She's only 22 - and can rent and save.

reluctantbrit · 02/08/2024 11:12

No and I say this as someone whose mortage will be gone next year.

I will use the saved money to booster my pension. I may not be able to work until 65/67 and that means cuts in my quite decent private pension I need to cover.

22 is very young to buy, there is still so much fluidity in their future, they may break up (not being mean but their personality is still developing), learning to be money savy and saving is an important skill as well.

SingingSands · 02/08/2024 11:36

I would not. I'd rather my 22 year old saved for their own deposit.

Your 20s can be such an exciting decade also - house sharing, travelling, finding jobs, moving cities, there's a lot of change happening. Give her time to build up her own finances - she's an adult earning her own salary, she needs to think about the best way to save and invest towards this goal.

FrenchandSaunders · 02/08/2024 11:41

No way OP, don't do that.

I'm a similar age with DDs in their early 20s. It's young to be moving out these days. Mine have, but they rent, and so do their friends who have left home. We have helped with deposits for rent and household stuff but there's no way I'd be remortgaging.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 02/08/2024 11:51

Not at 22, no.

Original poster
SunshineonLeaves · 02/08/2024 12:09

I'm quite surprised that my financial position isn't seen as very good - I thought I was doing quite well :(

I still have a mortgage because I split with my exH - if we hadn't we'd both likely be mortgage-free but unhappy. I dont expect any kind of inheritance so if I get one it'll be a bonus but I do have a pension and expect to downsize to a much cheaper area when I'm older to free-up some cash from my current home (South East commuterville so an expensive area). Buying and running a home on one salary is really tough and I'm proud that I've been able to do it.

I agree DC would get more for their money elsewhere but both their jobs are here so it's tricky.

OP posts:
Twistybranch · 02/08/2024 12:12

SunshineonLeaves · 02/08/2024 10:28

Thanks everyone. Just to say I have discussed this with a mortgage advisor and if I did help there would be a deed of trust stating what I had contributed which would be ring-fenced in the event of a split.

That said I'm leaning towards not doing it for all the other reasons stated but I do feel for my DC - living at home with a parent is no fun at that age - even though we get on really well they need their freedom and to some extent I'd like mine! I dont know what the answer is - renting is just so ridiculously expensive that they'd never be able to save as well.

Of course it’s no fun to live with a parent at that age…. But that’s the fire under his bum to get him to save for a deposit and out the house

If he enjoyed living at home, you’d never get rid!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 02/08/2024 12:19

Are they living at yours rent free and contributing to their share of the bills? Then you are already giving them a massive leg up.

Be realistic, you are not in a financial position to do more. You are already doing enough and to your point that it's hard to share a house at their age, that's exactly what most people are doing and paying rent for. Plus its motivation for them to save as hard as they can.

They can cut other outgoings, they can take on additional jobs, they can study more and progress faster. They are 22 and have a lifetime ahead of them.

Lastly, if you hit retirement age and you are giving in penury, you will be a bigger drain on them then. You need to be sensible about this.

Saschka · 02/08/2024 12:21

No 22 year old recent graduate needs to buy a house with their girlfriend! They can live in a flatshare together like everyone else does.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 02/08/2024 12:21

SunshineonLeaves · 02/08/2024 12:09

I'm quite surprised that my financial position isn't seen as very good - I thought I was doing quite well :(

I still have a mortgage because I split with my exH - if we hadn't we'd both likely be mortgage-free but unhappy. I dont expect any kind of inheritance so if I get one it'll be a bonus but I do have a pension and expect to downsize to a much cheaper area when I'm older to free-up some cash from my current home (South East commuterville so an expensive area). Buying and running a home on one salary is really tough and I'm proud that I've been able to do it.

I agree DC would get more for their money elsewhere but both their jobs are here so it's tricky.

You are. But not awash with cash either. I am a similar age and a country mile from being mortgage free.

Make those decisions when you get to retirement age. They'll be early mid 30;s and if you can spare cash then, it will be v welcome as they hit peak baby years I am sure.