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Does anyone else get cooking anxiety?

19 replies

SaphiraBlue · 01/08/2024 18:05

We have a stupid set up in our household. We’re a blended family: Me, DS, DP, DSS.

I’ll love food, love to try new things, will eat almost anything. My son was like that too. My DP will eat some things but prefers things served as they come with very little messing around: no salad dressing, little seasoning, no courgettes, no avacado, no couscous, no onions, no peppers… DSS prefers things plain, no sauce, not a bit of fat on meat, he likes butter, likes ketchup, likes bacon but not together: he hates it when meat feels “slimey”. But will have butter on toast. Doesn't like mushrooms, onions, seasoning, sauces but he does love fruit.

When the boys were little my DSS hated my cooking and would push his meal around his plate until DP made him something different. It got to the point I would make meals but keep the ingredients separate for DSS so that he could leave what he didn’t like and what he didn't like wouldn't spoil the food he did like. My DS picked up on this and began to make some of his own requests as he felt that DSS was getting special treatment. I now find myself having to consider every meal and how it can be prepared to suit everyone. DSS and DP usually eat at DP’s mum’s house Mon and Tues. DSS is meant to be at his mum’s house Wed, Thurs and Sat so during school time I only really need to think about DSS Fri and Sun. That was until DSS’s mum has become more unreliable and so now we have DSS additional days last minute (he hasn't been to his mums for the last month) so some days he eats at his grandmother’s and other times he’s home. If he eats at his grandmother’s then DP sometimes eats there too.

I find meal planning so stressful and now having to consider lunchtimes as well. We go on holiday in a couple of weeks, I didn't care where we went I only had one stipulation and that was I AM NOT COOKING.

DP and I had a falling out the other day because of something over lunch. I explained to him that I find food planning / cooking stressful and he told me that I’m being ridiculous and that I must mean a different word than stressful. But I do actually mean stressful, he doesn't understand.

Now I have to include that DP is a massively hands on Dad and goes above and beyond for DSS. He is renovating the house we live in and helping out with a house that I purchased earlier on in the year. He does his and his DS’s washing, ironing and will even clean and hoover (we both share theses jobs) Cooking is the only thing he doesn't do and its fallen on me as he does so much other stuff.

I just wanted to know if meal times is something other people get stressed over - or is it just me?

OP posts:
BornLippy88 · 02/08/2024 01:07

"Will even clean and hoover" some of the time.
Sorry but it's 2024, not 1954. Why does he only do the laundry and ironing for himself and one of his sons?

I don't think you're being treated well here.

OneNimbleFish · 02/08/2024 01:08

Chatgpt or other website ideas for dinners etc may help

Boltonb · 02/08/2024 01:12

Cook what you like. They eat it or they don’t. Not your problem. They all sound like they’re taking the piss.

Didn't see their ages, but suggest each child cooks once a week?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Mama2many73 · 02/08/2024 01:26

There's loads of memes with similar comments regarding becoming and adult and having to plan meals for the rest if your lives.
I dread meal planning. We foster and have children with a variety of needs often trauma based. Some have eaten everything you've put in front of them, other s with a very restricted diet, no sauces, no gravy etc.
Currently our fc (teen) is JUST becoming able to try some new foods. It's tiny steps but they are steps.
I still have to cook their version and our version ie spag bolognese is nothing in at all, cooked mince with currently Tom ketchup on although he said he'd try a jar of sauce, but NO lumps, no onion we may get away with herbs!
It's draining !! I don't mind shopping for the food but coming up with ideas is soul destroying at times.
Ask your husband to come up with some meal ideas and work out what his son will eat, how he can adapt it.

ghostbusters · 02/08/2024 03:45

Thar sounds exhausting.
What sort of age are DS & DSS? Are they old enough to help with meal planning /cooking? It sounds like your DP has no idea how his and DSS's preferences are impacting the family meals, presumably because did just arrived in front of him. Could he cook one meal a week so he can get an idea how hard it is?

I have 2 DC. The youngest is incredibly fussy so I cook him one of the 5 or so things he'll eat but they're all quick. He is starting to try new food too even though he dislikes anything new so far.... My eldest used to be pretty fussy but will now try whatever me and DH eat. Eldest doesn't like lemony things or pork. Onions either need to be chunky (so he can eat around them) or chopped small so they dissolve if cooking for a long time in sauce (like curry, stew, bolognese). So I need to give a little thought to what I'm cooking, and some of our meals I cook on repeat often but it's better than cooking 3 different meals.

ImustLearn2Cook · 02/08/2024 03:53

@SaphiraBlue You can probably deduce from my username that I am not the best at cooking. And honestly, being a parent has made meal planning and cooking more of a chore. My dd is incredibly fussy and so is her dad.

In your shoes I’d head out to the supermarket freezer section and buy chicken nuggets, chips, pizza etc. And that is what I would bung in the oven for the fussy eaters to make my life easier. I would then put all my effort into cooking the food I like. If fussy eaters don’t like it then they can have chicken nuggets and chips.

You are not a personal chef for each member of your family.

mathanxiety · 02/08/2024 04:04

Show your prince of an occasional hooverer what meal planning, cooking, and teeth-gnashing, hair-ripping frustration feels like.

He gets to do all of the planning and cooking for the next month. I guarantee the two boys will be shouted at to stop fanning around and eat what is bloody well put in front of them after three days.

If you don't do that, simply please yourself. Cook what you like, and tell them they can like it or lump it.

You are being treated very badly here.

Coolhand2 · 02/08/2024 05:04

I was wondering how it can be stressful with only 4 people, until you explained it all. I would be stressed too. Your dp has to share some of that stress too, I would ask him to prepare some meals and you get to just eat too.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 02/08/2024 05:49

I find meal planning really stressful too and don't really have the issues you describe but more a balance of everyone's tastes. No matter what I cook someone is disappointed and it really annoys me. The lists and ingredient shopping genuinely stresses me. I subscribed to Hello fresh a few months ago and it helped. I sit down and meal plan at a designated time and then clear my mind for two or three weeks.

sashh · 02/08/2024 05:57

Make one meal, if anyone doesn't want it they can have toast and fruit.

I agree with getting DP and the boys cooking, it is not setting them a good example that the only female in the house does all the cooking and also plans the meals around what they do and don't like.

If you do carry on cooking then your DP and the boys need to write a list of complete meals they do like.

llamajohn · 02/08/2024 05:58

He can do the cooking from now on as it's not stressful at all. He can show you how easy it is.

Cobra71 · 02/08/2024 06:00

Meal planning can be super stressful, especially with so many different preferences, so maybe get everyone to pitch in with ideas or even cook sometimes to lighten the load.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 02/08/2024 06:10

Did you post another thread recently about an issue after cooking for your DP and DSS, where you mentioned you DP had been renovating both houses?

BonifaceBonanza · 02/08/2024 06:13

You need to tell DH that from now on he is responsible for meal planning and prep on DSS days and you will do the other days. You must stick to this.

Make sure you have a quick backup in mind for you and DS eg beans on toast or sandwiches in case nothing materialises.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 02/08/2024 06:14

ahhh yes this one! I'm not surprised you get cooking anxiety tbh. I think you have a DP issue (as people already suggest above):

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5119567-slapped-in-the-face-with-a-tortilla-wrap?page=1

notatinydancer · 02/08/2024 07:44

@SaphiraBlue what do you mean he will 'even clean and hoover ?' Why wouldn't he ?
Get a meal plan written with everyone's input.
Stop doing it all.

SaphiraBlue · 02/08/2024 09:47

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 02/08/2024 06:10

Did you post another thread recently about an issue after cooking for your DP and DSS, where you mentioned you DP had been renovating both houses?

Yes that was me. We can have a joke around but he seriously misjudged that one based on how I feel about cooking etc

OP posts:
SaphiraBlue · 02/08/2024 09:51

Boltonb · 02/08/2024 01:12

Cook what you like. They eat it or they don’t. Not your problem. They all sound like they’re taking the piss.

Didn't see their ages, but suggest each child cooks once a week?

The boys are both 14.

My son will cook on the odd occassion. I had Covid last week and DP and DSS were away so my DS cooked following Hello Fresh.

I subscribed to Hello Fresh thinking it would take some of the mental load off and they could all have an input on meal choices. In the end I only order it for 2 people any more than that would be thrown out as I couldn't guarntee who was home to eat what.

Pizza and chicken nuggets are kept on hand at all times.

OP posts:
TangerinePlate · 02/08/2024 10:27

Watching with big interest.

My xH is like that. Didn’t like this,didn’t like that. Unfortunately I was too worn out by life to argue with him so was always accommodating his eating habits.
As the result I have 2 kids reluctant to eat anything bar crap.
It also affected my cooking abilities as it seems like I lost most of it over the years 😔
In the past I’d be the first one to say „take it or leave it” and nothing else but I have severe ASD DC with heck knows what avoidance.

Any guidance welcome.

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