Perfect Friend

[Woollypullover]

Tell me about your perfect friend, who you live in admiration of.

I believe my friend actually has a perfect life.

We went to her's for a barbecue party last night and everything was just so lovely. She lives in the largest house (actually a mansion) in the village, which is sort of separate from the rest, and has a very posh holiday home abroad (not giving away too much to be outing). She has a really lovely job, which she has made her quite famous in the field. She earns a lot, despite working relatively few hours. Her husband is absolutely gorgeous and also earns mega bucks in a 'cool' job. He's also famous in his field. Their two children are practically geniuses, and are both on national teams for sports and play in top music ensembles. The kids are also very pleasant and likeable. They do lots of things together as a family and really enjoy each others' company.

To top it all, my friend is absolutley beautiful. I mean head-turning stuff.

Everything in her house is pristine. Not just clean and tidy, but sparkling! My DD said that her DDs room is immaculate. My DD's certainly isn't! Their house is huge and everything is so opulent and shiny. It isn't just the money though because they have lots of interesting things which they've collected. Everything seems to have a story, if that makes sense.

What struck me last night is that they are so clever. Whatever topic was brought up by whomever, they could hold their own. Politics, art, travel, books, comedy on tv - anything. They just seem to know so much.

She and her DH have the ideal relationship too. They seem so respectful of each other and are so clearly in love, as though they haven't been together for 20+ years.

She's a lovely, kind person. I can't find fault with her or her life, and am totally in awe of her.

Please tell me about your perfect friend!

Somewhat less perfect than OP's perfect friend (real or imagined) but, yes, I do have one of these. Being posher than me by birth, she learned the same things I did as a child but to much higher standards: I had music lessons, she can play piano really fluidly; I played tennis (clumsily) at school, she had coaching in the holidays; we both speak French fairly well, but she sounds French ... and so on. She had parental help to buy her first place and has now inherited a few million; I didn't and haven't.

She's attractive, of course, and has outstripped me by miles now we're older: I'm guessing she has 'tweakments', while I just have sags & wrinkles. She's so bloody accomplished in everything she does and is a really, really nice woman! I can't even hate her for being so lovely because, well, she is 😂

When her marriage - to a very nice, interesting, good-looking and successful man, of course - hit a sticky patch, she dealt with that perfectly too, and they came through stronger than ever. Her children are beautiful delightful, accomplished and successful young adults. Her house is very nice, as may be expected, though it isn't a mansion and doesn't sparkle. She and her family make everyone feel welcome and appreciated.

Nobody's perfect but some come closer than others!

My perfect friend is a single mum who lives in a council flat, but she's the kindest, wisest, cleverest, most compassionate and most resilient person I know. She has helped me through bereavement and chronic illness and she never fails to make me laugh. She has raised her son to be a kind, gentle, compassionate young man, the polar opposite to his abusive father. She's nothing like the OP's perfect friend but she's perfect to me.

I’m sure OP knows her friend isn’t actually perfect.

From OP’s description she sounds like a really nice person (obviously the most important thing) who also happens to have a great marriage, lovely house, brains, beauty, cash… sounds pretty blessed to me 🤷🏻‍♀️ idk why people have a problem with it.

The problem for me is that we shouldn't really be measuring people based on these things. OP made a very small afterthought on how lovely and kind her friend was. The bulk of the thread was materialistic and how she has the perfect lifestyle because of her money, big house, good looks, clever kids etc. These threads always get people's backs up because its so unrealistic for the majority and not how we should be judging our peers. I want my friends to tell me how kind and caring I am, not judge me on my wealth and tell the world how perfect my life must be because of it.

My best friend was perfect, high achiever, invited to audition for the Royal Ballet at 11. A + student. Beautiful, everyone wanted to be her friend.

She couldn't cope with the pressure ended up an alcoholic with severe mh issues.

I would guess your friend gives the illusion of perfection rather than being it. And probably has good genes, intelligence and organisation skills.

I feel like you’re taking it a little seriously. She meant “perfect” as in she’s kinda got it all. There are people out there like that! People who are genuinely good and kind people, and are also really fortunate to have a lot of material wealth. They are rare, but they exist. I think it’s a light-hearted thread and folk are getting butthurt because they feel… judged?… for not having everything the perfect friend has? Or something?

Are you Jane Green?! Or perhaps Adele Parks?

No I wouldn't say im taking it seriously at all. Having an opinion, just because you didnt like it you called everyone jealous which isnt the case. Id say you're the one taking it seriously, sticking up for someone you dont even know, arguing with strangers because we had a different opinion. I explained why I wouldnt want to be known as the perfect friend. Materialistic things aren't important to me, but if they are for you, good for you. Strive to be that person if its so important.

I mean the people who are feeling upset / judged over it. If you simply don’t want that kind of lifestyle, that’s fair enough. I just don’t love the vibe from people who are trying to put this woman down and claiming that her life is probably one big mess behind the scenes or that she’s likely massively stressed by having to keep up some “pretense”. Based on OP’s post, who actually knows her, it doesn’t sound like any of that is the case. So idk why people can’t just be happy for this woman for doing so well and also managing to be a decent human being. Some of the responses (not necessarily yours) seem a bit bitter and defensive.

I certainly have friends who are very lucky and who have aspects of their lives that are enviable, but nobody's life is 'perfect'. Your friend certainly sounds very lucky in terms of the way life has worked out for her, but I'm sure she has bad luck sometimes too. I think you're probably idealising a bit.

The main thing is that she's a nice person. I only find myself resenting other people's good fortune if they're complete arseholes!

I've read this comment about 7 times and it makes me laugh every time 😂 great response!

All my friends and people I know are perfectly imperfect and thank fuck.

My "perfect friend" as you have described above also has a huge fear of failing, feels her very successful career doesn't suit her natural personality type and is constantly putting on an act at work and living on edge. She has an alcoholic father and siblings who dont pull their weight. She also struggles with motherhood due to her need to control situations. She is brilliant. If you didn't know her well you would think her life was perfect, but it isn't. I suspect your friends isn't either, and you likely don't know her as well as you think you do.

Some of these replies put me in mind of a woman I knew, who loved to go and look at designer dresses, the ones with four-figure price tags. She would then methodically turn them inside out, examine the facings and linings, etc, just to point out any tiny flaws she could find. That was the whole point of the exercise: she didn't enjoy them for what they were, but liked denigrating them for what they were not 🤷🏻‍♀️

People who appear "perfect" are often perfectionists. They maintain high standards for themselves, which frequently brings issues such as anxiety and fear. This perfection requires significant hard work and effort behind the scenes, often unnoticed by those around them. Perfectionists rarely complain, as they can't afford to appear anything less than perfect. True perfection doesn't exist, and your friend likely believes her life is far from perfect.

I have a friend a bit like this, her home is immaculate as is she, her husband and children. All looks perfect from the outside but actually I know the truth, she is full of anxiety all the time about keeping it all perfect and any tiny problem is blown up to be a huge saga. You don't feel comfortable in her house, wouldn't swap my messy life.

i thought this too about a neighbour of mine until I found out a very dark secret. It’s not always perfect despite what you see & hear!

OK so I used the adjective 'perfect' a little bit tongue in cheek. Of course no one is perfect.

I just feel as though she has it all. I hope she doesn't have a dark secret or their are affairs involved. She's kind, generous and very thoughtful and I don't wish her any bad vibes.

To answer the question about wealth, her parents are regular people, her dad's a retired teacher and her mum did some sort of marketing, I think. Normal background, so comfortable, but not wealthy. I don't know about her husband. He has a very posh voice (IMO) and his parents look well off, so I presume that he comes from money.

Yes, I suppose I do put her on a pedastal a bit. Like What Would 'Friend' Do? type thing. She is always so relaxed but so 'together'. For example, years ago we went with other friends for a countryside walk ending up in a fruit farm. We all had on our wellies and jeans etc. She and her family got out of their new posh car, wearing beautiful swishy clothes. They managed to stay immaculate for the whole thing. At the end, at the pick your own fruit farm, some of the kids were messing around, but hers just trotted off and carefully picked fruit. They hadn't moaned during the walk and were just so happy and trustworthy. She and her husband could just sit back and sip tea, while other parents had to supervise and keep an eye on things.

This is just one example. I think it's the first time that I noticed how perfect everything is for her!

She sounds really lovely and she's lucky to have a friend like you who isn't jealous of her

It sounds like a LOT of work goes on behind the scenes to maintain that level of perfection. You're seeing the calm presentable side of it, the stuff that will happen behind closed doors and the anxiety constantly running through her.. no thanks.