I sadly terminated a planned pregnancy in March this year. My reasons were a bit complicated but mostly I was sexually abused as a younger person, which I received counselling for at the time, and felt like I had mostly moved on from. I hadn't had flashbacks for years but about 4 weeks into pregnancy I'd get them every night and wake up having panic attacks. My mental health completely tanked from that point onwards, I felt like I was right back at that time of my life, and I had the surgery at 7 weeks. I was unrecognisable to the person I was just a couple of months before. I didn't expect it at all.
After the surgery, I felt immediate relief.
Since the termination, I contacted the charity that helped me when I was younger and I've been getting counselling. I hope to be strong enough mentally to cope with a pregnancy one day, although I never want to make that decision again, so I'm in no rush. I really want to do the work on myself so I can be the best mum I can be.
I've been told these feelings are common because your body is not 'yours' during pregnancy and, mixed with all the hormones, this can bring up past traumas.
I'm just looking for anyone who's been through something similar and has gone on to TTC and have a successful pregnancy?
I am very ashamed of what I have done, and nobody in my real life knows as I don't feel I can tell them.