Not masking at school?

[Neurodiverseity]

I’ve head that ND children often are well behaved at school (masking) and then explode at home where they’re safe. Is it also a sign of neurodivergence if children are a bit cheeky at school but generally well behaved at home?

no. And no, ND children in general can't "mask" any more than a blind person can pretend to see. Masking refers to children with ASD copying the behaviour of others to look like their behaviour fits in, without any understanding of the behavioural rules, etc. Children with ADHD cannot "mask" - if they could control their attention, they would not have ADHD

.

Thank you, so if a child is just cheeky at school, is that…just cheekiness? Bad parenting? We’ve gotten reports our child (5) is quite cheeky, not listening, not sharing well, that sort of thing. At home he is generally well behaved. Has some sibling rivalry with younger brother (2) but nothing out of the ordinary. We have spoke to him about it but it doesn’t seem to make a difference.

"a bit cheeky" isn't a sign of neurodivergence.
Masking is specific to autism and there would be a lot more signs than just a bit cheeky at school, for autism, adhd etc to be diagnosed it has to have a significant impact on them in multiple settings, being a bit cheeky at school wouldn't cut it

so he behaves well is a family situation, but less well in a 30-child situation? Sounds like 80% of 5 year old boys. Keep supporting the school, he will get there

I think we can forgot how little they are still at 5, school expects so much of them behaviour and attention-wise, but they're so small and still learning the basics of behaviour

At 5 my son discovered he had an audience, and a teacher that was too busy to keep a lid on his actions. We had a call that he was being a bit unruly, and although he wasn't disruptive at home, he just needed to realize there was discipline at school as well.

We tried to bring him to more places outside of family and monitor and guide his behaviour a bit. He just needed to know the same rules applied at home and outside of home.

Sounds like school moaning and not realising that 5 year olds have often awhile to go before they settle to the demands of school life.

Our DC was pushed into having an assessment aged 5/6. Basically, the paediatrician said he was bright and bored.

People with adhd can and do mask.

People with adhd are not incapable of suppression. But it's exhausting and requires a huge amount of focus that means other things like learning go by the wayside.

Signs of masking and examples
Some examples of a person masking their symptoms includee_ the following:
• A person focuses on fidgeting or moving around less than they would like to. In some cases, this fidgeting may involve stimming, which involves someone carrying out repetitive actions to soothe themselves.
• Someone stops themselves from interrupting others during conversations.
• A person focuses incredibly hard during conversations to not lose focus.
• They are silent or very quiet in social settings.
• Someone suppresses their energy level to appear calmer.
• A person hides strong emotions or reactions.
• A person arrives very early to appointments to avoid being late.
• They make up reasons as to why they are late or have difficulties with a task.
• A person writes everything down to avoid forgetting things.
• Individuals create strict routines and systems, such as multiple alarms and checking work several times, to compensate for any mistakes.

Thank you @HucklefinBerry thats a useful list. No id say if he does have any ADHD going on (he’s very bright and perhaps some of the cheekiness is impulse control) he’s not masking at all. Except he’s quite able to focus and doing very well academically so it doesn’t seem to fit I suppose.

I don't find this is quite true. My ADHD two (one also ASD one not) don't "mask" at school perhaps in the classic way but even with medication they're still devoting effort to keeping control. When they get home, especially the one who really has very serious ADHD, they've exhausted that reserve and all that suppressed energy needs to come out. It may not be the same as masking but there's a parallel.

OP, your DC may feel more comfortable at home and with less need to work so hard on behaviour.

Autistic children can learn to copy behaviours to help them cope. That's masking.
ND children can behave worse at school because the environment is over/under stimulating them or they struggle with the expectation. At home parents may instinctively adapt things to meet their needs making home a more manageable place.
If you are concerned about your child next term you could ask the senco at your school to observe them. But impulsivities are fairly normal at five.

Yes, I think this happens, but the trouble with calling it "masking" is that implies that someone ADHD can pretend not to have it by concentrating normally for a period of time on a regular basis and you know that doesn't happen- and then we get parents wanting ADHD diagnosis for children who can concentrate normally for long periods of time regularly. Some of them simply pay to get it, and then we end up with a situation where the diagnosis means less and less.

So I am very against calling it "masking" with ADHD. Super- effort, maybe, but this is very short lived - so the best we se in school is repeated bursts of super-effort, and repeated loss of concentration in between. That is the nature of the disability

@sixtyandsomething

Yes, I think this happens, but the trouble with calling it "masking" is that implies that someone ADHD can pretend not to have it by concentrating normally for a period of time on a regular basis and you know that doesn't happen
But ASD people who are masking doesn't imply that they can suspend their ASD.

I think people understand what masking means. It means putting in a shit ton of effort to look from the outside that you are not dealing with an issue. -