I’m 24 with a 9 month old DS. Lately I’ve been feeling weird and I don’t know why. He is a good baby and I take him out often. Whether it’s his swimming lesson or to have a coffee with his friend or to visit family but recently I feel overwhelmed during the day when we’re alone together especially when he doesn’t settle and I find myself wishing he’d be old enough to play on his own and entertain himself or not cry after me. I’m a young parent but this is what I’ve always wanted and feel so grateful I could even have a baby in the first place as I understand people can struggle to conceive.
Bit of a background of my life
I have a lot of support around me through family and although I don’t have many friends I have a few that are great to me.
I’m lucky to have a supportive DH who works long hours but will still come home and take over and help around the house when things need doing.
We’re lucky to be in a great position finance wise with a low mortgage and no debt and no childcare fees as when I return to work my DM will take care of DS. But I’m still constantly worrying about money. I worry about losing everything and the fact something could happen to DH whilst he is working. (He has a risky job)
I worry about losing my parents. I worry about dying and leaving DS and not even knowing I’m dead.
DH usually puts DS to bed and instead of using the time to relax I just find myself sitting there with no feeling of enjoyment, not even watching my favourite film or series on Netflix.
What I’m trying to say is I have no trauma, I have good relationships with the people in my life and my baby isn’t the worst baby but I just feel like somethings been sucked out of my body and I just don’t feel right anymore. On paper I should be happy but for some reason I don't feel that way and I feel guilty because I really do love DS to bits and I really do think about how hard people have it so I just don't understand why I've been feeling like this.