How annoyed would you be at EX about this? DC related

[annoyedatscar]

NC'd.

DC were with their father, EXH, for a few days. I received a text saying DD banged her head, he took her to hospital and they glued the wound together and it won't scar. Then I received a message saying maybe it would. It definitely will. DD is 7 and going to have a permanent scar on her face. I'm so upset. It looks awful. I know it will heal a lot (hopefully) but that will be on her face permanently. Would you be annoyed at EXH or think it could happen to anyone? I feel like yeah okay, it technically could but I have DD 90% of the time and manage to avoid things like this.

You can't blame him! She's simply had an accident they happen.

@Jellybeanz456 initially I thought that, but then I have her 90%+ of the time and she's never had anything like that happen with me.

I think it depends how it happened.

My ex had sole charge of DD when she was about 2, took her out for the first time on his own, ever. She ended up in A&E with stitches in her forehead after he 'only looked away for a moment' - my friend was in the same venue and it was him just being careless. And I hold that anger in each time I look at her, 15 years later.

You can use silicone gel on the wound to help improve scaring. Wait for the wound to completely heal (scab off etc) and apply it once a day

Would you be annoyed at EXH or think it could happen to anyone

Surely that depends how it happened?

But I'd be inclined to think it could happen to anyone, especially if injuries aren't common when she's with him. 7 year olds don't need constant supervision but could easily trip and fall running around in the garden for example, and you aren't going to be following them around making sure you can grab them just in case.

My DC fell at home and hit his head on the corner of a bedside table, which needed gluing and has scarred. It happens. DH and I both in the flat but neither in the room at the time. He was 3. Accidents do happen and you can't watch them or hover around after them 24/7.

How did it happen? Do you know for a fact he was being careless?

If not, accidents do happen. I bet you'd feel terrible if it happened on your watch and he blamed you!

That's...not how accidents work though.

How would you feel if she fell on your watch and your ex started blaming you and your parenting?

Both my kids have forehead scars that they got when they were with me, my husband, and our childminder. All accidents, nobody to blame.

My DD needed her head gluing twice in a few months once when she was small. First occasion she was with the childminder, second with us. She’s never needed it before or after this event. These things happen. It’s an accident. I didn’t hold the childminder responsible.

Seriously???? Kids have accidents and that's what they are.....accidents!

Unless ex was neglecting it then it's an accident.

Did she trip in the garden with him a few feet away or was she unloading all the sharp knives form the dishwasher while he was in bed with a hangover?

Firstly, I am sorry this has happened and do understand why you are upset about it.

Do you have any reason to think your ex was acting neglectfully when it happened? Allowing her to do something unsafe, or not keeping a proper eye on her?

Accidents certainly CAN and DO happen without anybody being to blame.

I would also say, even if it is his fault to some extent - does it serve any purpose for you to blame him? Will it benefit you and your daughter in any way if you do?

It's best to have as amicable as possible a relationship with a co-parent in my experience (not always possible of course - but providing they aren't abusive in any way....). So probably best for all of you if you can just try to move on from it and not make it a bigger deal than it has to be. Certainly your daughter will probably find it easiest to adjust to any scarring she has if you and your ex can try not to make it into too much of a big deal.....

Sorry for all of you that this has happened though!

Ermm, she's 7.. 7yr olds have accidents!!. Just because she hasn't had a mishap with you (luck), or do you think it's abuse?
If not, put some bio oil on it daily, which should help reduce any scarring.

How can anyone answer If you havnt said how it happened!

So 90%+ of accidents shouldn't only happen in your time.....if the circumstances surrounding it weren't negligent, then yes, you are being utterly unreasonable. She had an accident, and sustained an injury. It can happen anywhere and anytime. Would you like a school, or a friends parents if it happened there, again with adequate supervision happening?

My exs kid split his head open in his contact time she went mental blamed him awful dad the lot.. he only went and split his lip open on holiday with her, yea you can imagine what went around came around she didn’t like it one bit and he really at her, why weren’t you watching? According to you accidents don’t just happen there is usually a reason. You must of been paying attention. Etc etc

it can happen to anyone, at least he told you. We were expected to report back paper cuts but yet we didn’t know about the hospital incident until pick up, some 4 days later 🙄