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Original poster

Feeling sad about sibling relationship

7 replies

MotherOfOlafs · 30/07/2024 13:47

Hello
I have a sister who is 2 years older, no other siblings. She has acute special needs and lives in a residential care home. We’re as close as we can be given the circumstances.

I honestly feel crap for saying this, but I can’t help feeling sad about not having the same sort of relationship with her as I see other families having. Lots of friends of mine are very close to their siblings, socialising together and doting on nieces and nephews, I keep feeling like I’m missing out. DH is an only child so consequently our joint families are very small.

I know nothing will change of course but I just needed to get it off my chest and I could never express this to other family members. Sorry

OP posts:
loropianalover · 30/07/2024 13:52

That’s a very valid feeling OP and nothing wrong with it. Anyone would wish for more for their sibling, and also for more for themselves.

Original poster
MotherOfOlafs · 30/07/2024 14:01

loropianalover · 30/07/2024 13:52

That’s a very valid feeling OP and nothing wrong with it. Anyone would wish for more for their sibling, and also for more for themselves.

Thank you so much. I meant to add in my first post that she does have the best quality of life possible, she’s very happy herself.

OP posts:
NoodleNuts · 30/07/2024 14:02

The thing is, even without any special needs, there i nothing to say that you would have a close relationship with your sister. Plenty of people with siblings don't get on with them.

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ImNotThereAmI · 30/07/2024 14:03

Your feelings are totally valid op. What I’d say though, is that it is probably time for you to find a way to accept it for what it is and move past those feelings if you can. Does your husband mourn the lack of a sibling and therefore nieces and nephews? May be helpful to talk to him about it. I know being an only child is not the same as having a disabled sibling, but you speak of lack of sibling relationship and nieces and nephews being the issue for you, so the end result is the same for both of you. You can of course feel sad about it, but dwelling on something you never had (rather than something you lost) is not going to be helpful long term. And I mean all this very kindly

Luxembourgmama · 30/07/2024 14:18

NoodleNuts · 30/07/2024 14:02

The thing is, even without any special needs, there i nothing to say that you would have a close relationship with your sister. Plenty of people with siblings don't get on with them.

Exactly

Original poster
MotherOfOlafs · 30/07/2024 16:41

ImNotThereAmI · 30/07/2024 14:03

Your feelings are totally valid op. What I’d say though, is that it is probably time for you to find a way to accept it for what it is and move past those feelings if you can. Does your husband mourn the lack of a sibling and therefore nieces and nephews? May be helpful to talk to him about it. I know being an only child is not the same as having a disabled sibling, but you speak of lack of sibling relationship and nieces and nephews being the issue for you, so the end result is the same for both of you. You can of course feel sad about it, but dwelling on something you never had (rather than something you lost) is not going to be helpful long term. And I mean all this very kindly

To be honest I spoke to DH and he said he’d never even thought about it. No I know it’s not a helpful attitude and it’s not something I’d even thought about myself previously, maybe because I’m older now and because the majority of my cousins have a close bond with their siblings that I’m feeling it a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
MotherOfOlafs · 30/07/2024 16:42

NoodleNuts · 30/07/2024 14:02

The thing is, even without any special needs, there i nothing to say that you would have a close relationship with your sister. Plenty of people with siblings don't get on with them.

I’m under no illusion that all siblings are best friends but thanks

OP posts:
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