Disappointed with men

[DoYouHaveAHeartOfStone]

I separated from my husband around 5 years ago, we lived together during lockdown & most people only found out in small trickles over the last 2 years.

During this time, I’ve seen such a change in my ex, his behaviour has become so nasty & rude. I’ve also seen a change in the behaviour of my male friends.

I am an attractive slim woman & take good care of myself, but that doesn’t mean I’m asking for it or welcome the attention.

My ex husbands friends have been very flirtatious since we separated, which I find so disappointing as some are his very close friends. My friends husbands have been flirtatious which makes me feel so icky and uncomfortable.

This weekend one of my best friends husbands jointed me & some other friends at a day festival, I see the pair of them as couple goals, they are a wonderful family, I adore them & respect them so much. Yet a few drinks into the day, my friends husband began to tell me how silly my ex was to let me go, how disappointed he was in him. Then began to tell me how sexy I was. As the day progressed he then told me how amazing my bottom was & even touched my bottom a few times. I ignored all of it and didn’t respond at all, at one point I told him how much I adored and respected his wife. I didn’t really know how to handle it as I was so shocked. I absolutely gave him no reason to behave that way toward me, I didn’t invite the attention. I really considered him a good friend & good solid man. I’m really upset, I don’t plan to tell her or anyone else, I just feel sick about it.

Are all men like this? I’m so sick of it.

'I ignored all of it and didn’t respond at all, '

So basically you let him chat you up and fondle you without saying a word or giving him a slap around the face when he groped you.

Try shouting from the rooftops next time to give him a clear message his advances are not welcome.

I froze to be honest, it’s hard to explain, but I just couldn’t even say anything. I feel disappointed with myself for not reacting at the time, it all flooded back to me today & I woke up feeling so sh*t about it

Err, bit victim-blamey!

It's quite hard when the husband of a friend comes on to you not to cause a massive kerfuffle.

Obviously 'fuck off knobber' is the generally right response to handsy dickheads, but it's a little harder when the offender is one's friend's husband. I think 'You do that again and I won't be quiet about it', but be a better response.

And then hate and avoid him forevermore.

I feel very sorry for you.
He is a complete sleaze and they are certainly not couples goals.

He has opportunistic cheater written all over him.

Hard one to navigate because I would want to be avoiding him completely.

It's not hard to explain, it's a very common response when a man behaves inappropriately in an unexpected situation. It's him that should be feeling shit, not you, so put that one to bed.

This is a very common thing when women are separated or bereaved. And yes, it makes you feel very shitty about all men because a significant minority are opportunist wankers that only think about their penises.

It's absolutely not you though. It's entirely him. I would just avoid from now on, unfortunate when you like his wife, but, what are the options?

Not all men are like it OP but in my experience, most of them are. Men are able to compartmentalise between love, loyalty and sex. Women (generally) find this harder. I'm not saying women don't cheat, of course they do, but it's usually for a reason. A man can have a nice home, lovely wife, great kids and be happy with his life but if he thinks he's got the chance to stick his dick elsewhere, he will go for it. I've been on this planet for 67 years, and I can honestly say that this is my experience. Doesn't matter what race, colour, creed or demographic of man. There is no "type".

I’m really grateful for the responses so far, god I’ve felt so upset about it. I really did go into freeze mode from shock, I keep going over & over the day in my head. I am 100% certain I didn’t give him any signals or make suggestions to give him the impression I wanted his attention. I’ve know the guy for about 17 years, this is the first time I’ve witnessed this side of him, I’m in shock & disbelief. 😞

Ive had this even when ive been in a relationship with single mates of my boyfriends coming onto me and even those males in another relationship with a friend. I think its sad really. Theres no loyalty

where youve said you froze/didnt tell him off, i completely get you. Its shocking in the moment. You dont want to encourage them but equally dont want to say anything for fear of ruining the friendship with partner of the person/make it awkward.

i have had to say something in the end along the lines of please stop or im going to have to tell X about this