Peri menopause and missing the bleeding obvious

[Theothername]

Perimenopause has done a number on my ability to organise and these days if I haven’t written something down, it won’t happen. That’s assuming I remember to read it.

Curious if anyone else is dealing with similar. For instance I had “Jen’s birthday” on my calendar, a reminder on my phone a week out, and my dm mentioned it in conversation a couple of days ago. But at no point did that trigger a thought about organising the card, gift, or checking that what I intended to wear was clean, or mentioning to dh that I’d be out for lunch on Sunday. I was on my way to lunch when I thought of cards and gifts and had to scramble about, and even spend extra money on a pen to write the card.

I’m on hrt, quite a lot of it, and I’m hydrating, eating well, exercising more, taking supplements… but still getting distinctly stupider.

Up to now I’ve been able to rely on organising strategies to compensate for being a scatterbrain but I don’t even know where to start with this. The reminders were all there, they just didn’t trigger any of the necessary thought processes. Complete blank.

And that’s a relatively innocuous example. I could fill a thread.

Does this get better post menopause?
Is there something I should get the gp to check?
Does anyone have any super-strength perimeno organisational hacks to share?

Are you just busier? When I was younger I didn't even have to keep a diary. I just remembered everything. Now I need to write things down - but I'm juggling a lot more for a lot more people. I think it's pretty normal.

I would love to offer some words of wisdom.

However since i found myself washing my hands with toothpaste yesterday evening I think it's safe to say i probably don't have any ...

I do fully empathise though. For me this is a ridiculously difficult stage of life.

I'm the same OP.

I was in the shower earlier and couldn't remember if I'd literally just rinsed my conditioner off or not. I ended up stepping back under the water just in case.

I've also had to write the start of each HRT packet on a calendar at home, because last week I took two, as I forgot I'd literally just taken one.

I do this a lot too 😞

I put stuff like that on a to-do list. So 'Jen birthday' but also buy card, gift, new outfit etc. Any actions associated with it go on the list.

I check the list every week to see what I should be doing, and also check my calendar for anything coming up I should be thinking about. I've done it for years, long before I became menopausal as I have always been forgetful.

Not knowing if i have conditioned my hair, of it I just put water in the cat's bowl or not is an every day thing for me, my thoughts are always elsewhere.

Just to add, I don't find it an issue or see it as being stupid. I'm a PA and have to be hugely organised, I just make sure people know not to discuss anything / ask me to do anything unless I have a pen or paper, otherwise there is zero chance I will remember.

The plus side is I'm creative - when your mind is jumping from thing to thing and you are doing basic actions on auto pilot, you tend to be!

I agree with pp that you could just be busier in life. Now I have 2 DC busy schedules to run, lunch boxes to prepare, notes to sign, uniform to sort etc AND I have my full time job it all just gets too much.

I think use tech, automate it as much as possible. It might be impersonal but sort cards to automatically be sent from Moonpig for birthdays. Use a digital calendars with reminders. Set up Amazon reminders for gifts too. Lists everywhere.

I'm almost certain I'm in peri (combined with going through IVF which is great) but why does no one tell us about these symptoms? Awareness is definitely improving but last year when suddenly I started getting horrendous heavy periods, my hair starting shedding and like OP couldn't remember anything I literally had to take to google to work out what on earth was going on! I went to the doctor for the heavy periods and at no point did they mention peri.

OP - as others have said, lists and details! One word lists are no longer enough, I have to write specifically what I'm reminding myself to do. I also have a tick list for when I've taken medication or supplements so I know what I've taken, and a reminder on the fridge of where everyone is and when, and what's happening each week.

I ended up diagnosed with inattentive ADHD when perimenopause started . I know I always had it but peri made it worse.

Build on the strategies that work. I added Month tabs to my diary, so I know that if I have x project in March, the actions preceding that project start in Jan and Feb etc.

I have a daily review and a weekly review. In a weekly review I look at the monthly tabs and the monthly calendar and schedule out the week.

Then in the daily review I just write out the plan for the one day the night before. Its a filing system for my brain.

I also have a brain dump list that gets looked at in the daily and weekly review. I also read about a Sunday pile - a physical box for items, letters, notes, dump stuff there and look at it the weekly Sunday review.

And finally on burnout - I am sleeping more and spending more time resting in bed if I need it. My favourite way to wakeup now is give myself a 30 min snooze, then a 15 min snooze, then a 5 min snooze, 4m, 3m, 2m, 1m.

I also bought a Dymo label machine and labelled Everything, boxes, shelves etc.

Also take a good multivitamin and mag glyc and vit D every day.

I really think there needs to be more early stages of peri, peri meno prep type support for when this starts to happen. I might write a book about it.

I do a weekly review as has been mentioned - it’s like an appointment with myself where I go through things like my calendar for the week. I’ve developed a checklist with things I may forget, or just that I worry and get preoccupied by, so I know they’re taken care of. For example one item is to look through for upcoming birthdays and sort stuff for those.

I'm now in surgical menopause but was in peri - I got to the airport for a flight (to Newcastle) with husband and child. No passport.

It's not like I forgot the passport, I just never thought about it. Not for one moment.

Turns out with BA you can't fly domestic without one :(. That was fun!

I'm past peri becuase of the surgery (ovary removal etc.) but I'm not sure it's got any better sadly :(

Yes to checklists too. I write process notes for things at work. And for personal life everything that has more than one action or takes more than 5 mins is a project. Every project gets broken down into actions.

Yes, same here. No clever strategies to recommend I'm afraid, as I'm not handling it well myself.

I wonder if it's related to my problem of not being able to see things that are right in front of me as it feels similar, like parts of a process are taking place but a link in the chain is broken. I can visualize the item, look carefully at the area I'm searching, calm my mind etc - so it's not lack of focus - but I may still fail to see the object I'm looking for.

And I'm not busier than ever, quite the opposite. Thank goodness!

I forgot I started this thread, which says it all.

loving the tips and the hilarious stories.

I’m sorry so many others are going through this too though I’m also taking comfort from the solidarity.

@dgirluk that’s exactly it - it’s not forgetting when you didn’t even give it a thought in the first place!

@trainedopossum that’s an interesting comparison- and yes, it really does feel like some thing in the circuit isn’t connecting up.

Absolute solidarity with this @Theothername

I'm not sure whether I'm in peri or full meno (still on mini-pill so no periods to go by) but I feel like my brain has departed the building. Notes are my saviour but as PP says they have to have detail otherwise it's just a fleeting thought that passes with no action or I'll eg buy a card and write it but the it will sit on the table for days without being posted.

I am feeling so brainless that I actually withdrew a job application recently as I virtually could not think of anything I have done of substance at work over the past few years (other than very headline points) that I could have called on to give as examples, let alone actually structure a coherent answer on the spot. It's just shit to be honest.