No Contact Fear

[DoAClassicCamel]

My dad and his sister have been NC for over 20 years. I’m not like their mother, my gran, who pitted them against each other so I reckon my children will be ok but the thought of my DD and DS having the same relationship with each other that my dad and his sister have fills me with dread.
Do those of you that are NC with family worry that history will repeat itself with the relationship you have with your children or their relationship with each other?

Siblings vary in how well they naturally get on due to shared interests (or not), ages, stage of life, personality. I know someone who is no contact but that was due to the possessiveness of the sister over the brother that drove him away. They haven't seen the same dynamic in their own children.

My dad is no contact with one of his brothers and my mum didn't talk to her sister for years before she died.
I wouldn't say I'm no contact with my sister but we aren't close. We'll chat over text but that's it really.
I don't think you can force them to stay in contact, once adults their lives may shift in opposite directions

My kids have a very different relationship to that of me and my siblings. 2 of mine are complete arseholes and I have nothing to do with them.

Following because I have similar.

In hindsight in the case of my family, my dm (single mum) totally neglected to parent the sibling relationship. The older sibling constantly called the younger one stupid, bossed her around, called her embarrassing, constantly being really scathing and rude, and this was accepted as normal. Then when the older sibling went off the rails as an adult, the parent confided in the younger one "what shall we do about your sister?!" We were constantly being compared as children "the creative one", "the scientific one".

Now I have two I'm determined to do more, actively to encourage respect and empathy between them, and not compare them.

They're still really young though so it's easy for me to say now. No doubt it'll be really hard when they start squabbling.

Ps I do think my family is uniquely terrible at this, though. On my Dad's side there have been lawsuits over inheritances. Open vitriol as well as no contact.

On my mum's side, she's one of 6, there have been factions. Ie three adult siblings in league with one parent, three with the other. Secrecy, backstabbing, fraud.

My only role modelling is my in laws. They're the most peaceful family unit I've seen, dh is one of 3 siblings and they're very respectful of each other. Zero drama, ever. They're also quite private which maybe just goes to show.

I want to start really young. For example I remember my sister enjoying holding toys and treats just out of my reach because she was so much taller, and laughing at my distress. She used to suggest we run races, eg when I was 4 and she was 10, of course she always won and then she'd laugh at me.

If my two acted like this together I'd say something about it! I wouldn't get angry but surely it'd be reasonable to point out to the older one that there's no glory in racing against a kid so much younger?! But my dm never commented or intervened, I think she was just fed up with us.

But then separately as we grew older my dm would bother my sister a lot about how I had more academic success than her. She got a real chip on her shoulder and finally got maths gcse at age 21.

What a shitshow, I'm determined to do better with my two. I acknowledge that it must have been really hard as a single mum.