Feel incredibly down while my baby is with exP

[lowmum]

I've got a 1 year old with my ex- she's just started going to have alone time with him.

I'm finding it so hard I just feel incredibly down and empty, just sat here all alone without her, crying. I do work but I just feel desperately sad and alone without her.

He was awful when I was pregnant, begged me for an abortion up to 24 weeks then went totally absent. We were in a relationship and broke up when I found out I was pregnant as he didn't want her.

I let him know politely when she was born, which he ignored. I first heard from him when I went to CMS. He denied she was his and we had to do a DNA, it was so traumatic- I'm not like that and we were together when she was conceived. I've only ever had 2 boyfriends my whole life!

I still burn with hurt when I think of it all which is probably why I'm finding this so so hard.

His contact has been sporadic to say the least throughout her short life, he can go many weeks without seeing her. His parents have decided to take a keen interest in recent months hence him starting to have more regular "alone" contact.

He can look after her so I know I wouldn't be wise to stop it because he'd get it through court anyway, I'm best to be nice.

Any advice on how to stop feeling like this though? It's like my heart has been ripped out every time she goes I'm totally floored.

First of all, it should be him seeing his daughter, not his parents. If they want contact they should organise this directly through yourself.

Secondly, if he isn't consistent with contact then this isn't fair on your child. Have you thought about contacting a solicitor to get something formal written up?

He's being more regular lately, and he is seeing her but I think the reason he's started being more committed is because his parents want to see DC, he has his own house but he goes there with DC and they all spend time together. I think it's because his mum wants to see her

Best thing is to keep yourself busy with other things so you're not sat around missing her. Don't see other friends with children (as that'll make you miss yours) but try instead to see friends without children. And get on with things that are hard to do with a baby on tow - exercise, shopping, etc. I joined a walking group when my kids started going to their dad's which was great.

He obviously can't stop his parents from seeing your child whilst he has contact with her but if he's continuously leaving her with them and just not being a parent then that needs to be looked into.

In terms of your own health and anxieties when you don't have your child, have you a good support system around you? Did you have hobbies prior to having your baby that you could get back into again to take your mind of being alone? X

I don't mind my DC seeing her grandparents I just meant he's suddenly a lot more interested since they started wanting to be involved.

I don't have any family unfortunately, all my friends have children which is hard. It's just me on my own when my daughter is gone.

I'm so depressed I don't even think I could think of joining a group.

I think I'm resentful at him and his family playing happy families with her after all he did and everything I went through alone.

I think I'm resentful at him and his family playing happy families with her after all he did and everything I went through alone.

Completely understandable but you are doing the absolute right thing by allowing the relationship. Putting your own feelings aside to make sure your little girl has people that love and care for her, even if they didn’t love and care for you when you needed it.

I know how hard this is, when DS first went to his dad’s I used to spend the entire weekend feeling dreadful and doing nothing. Then I went through a stage of making myself go out, anywhere so as not to be sat at home, and now, 18 months in I don’t mind it so much; I don’t love it and I look forward to him coming home, but I do stuff for me / reading, watching the films I like, and going away to see friends…you will get used to it even though you can’t imagine that now…in the meantime find things to keep you occupied even if you have to volunteer locally or clean the fridge…anything so you’re not just sitting there. Xxx