DC and screen time. Help me rein it in, and what do you do?

[Allnewtometoo]

Dc aged 7 and 9. I'm separated from their dad who let's them all screens permanently when they are with him. So I'm the bad guy.

I really want to rein it in. They will choose games/YouTube all day.

I've started with no YouTube at all, unless they actually want to watch something- lots of mindless flicking/background while doing other stuff. This means it's massively reduced. Literally watched about twice in a month.

Other screens - tablets each and shared switch.

Any help with having the conversation with them about it? I don't really want to just go in with "no screen time/only X amount" rather have an explanation.

I also know that I will need to organise myself more, shamefully, it's an easy way for me to get on with stuff at home (always something as a working single parent...)

I think the key is to have things to replace it. With 7 and 9, 'invited play' works quite well. It's a bit of a wankery concept but basically involves leaving stuff out but not telling them to do it. So I might leave paints out on the table, I might even say don't touch them, which of course means desperation to do painting.

I might dump Lego out on the floor and see if they choose to play with it.

Also have a list of alternative things to do they can pick from and I allow unfettered access to children's audiobooks.

Yes this is a good idea. Thank you, I did this a lot when they were younger.

I'm adding to their yoto collection with some more age appropriate cards too.

I'm not going to pretend we don't have screen time though, my two are up at the crack of dawn to search out the TV remote! But they know once I'm up it's time to turn it off and go and do something.

Get them out of the house as much as possible. That automatically removes the screens, reduces temptation and gives all of you something to do.

@Thatsnotmynose do you have set times? As in an hour tablet for example?

@Honourspren we are out quite a lot, we're a quite outdoorsy family, but they've got into the habit that when we are at home, it's straight to screens.

My two don't have any tablet time. We have an old iPad they use for homework once a month or so, supervised, but they don't have tablets apart from that. We do have a switch but my eldest is a girl and i find she's not interested in to, probably because her social circle aren't either. I've noticed this is different for the boys in her class who already seem to be online gaming together. If we use the switch I try to ensure it's a social thing, so 2-3 of us doing just dance for example.

They dont have a time limit on TV but I do say one show each only. My eldest will take the Micky with that and put on some extended special but I let her as long as we don't need to get out of the house.

We might also watch TV together later too and at the moment I'm allowing them to watch the Olympics a lot because it opens up ideas and possibilities for them and I think it's generally a good thing (despite not being too keen on sport myself!)

Mine are younger so not sure if it’s easier, but agree with the points of time limits and replacing screen time with other things. Do you have a garden? Garden equipment to play on or garden games are great when the weather is nice.

We use the time limit thing on the family ipad for games apps (though I must admit DD isn’t even on it that frequently), plus she has the additional warning of “after X time, the iPad is going away” and we are finding something else to do. Same with TV really, although I have been allowing the olympics to be on and DD has been going outside afterwards and recreating what she’s been watching.

Feel for you though, must be hard work if their dad allows it at his place.

I think the hardest bit is breaking the habit. If we slip then I find it needs 2-3 days of implementing boundaries again does the trick but it's hard work. I do often just hide the remote so it's out of sight out of mind. By day 3 they e stopped asking and it becomes routine

I'd use an app, or the parental controls on either your home network or on the devices etc so that each kid has a set amount of time. You will be able to reward them with more time if needed.
This would take you out of any discussions or negotiations. It's also useful to have it se up for when they are older.

Lots of screen stuff such as games and YouTube are designed to be addictive. You are being optimistic to expect all kids to be able to self regulate. Some can but plenty can't.
I had a strict time limit with my kids and it worked well. They are adults now and all still game a reasonable amount but all have plenty of other hobbies too.

Their brains aren’t really mature enough to reason with them. They can’t really self regulate at that age. Just take the screens away and tell them to find something to do. They will if given the opportunity.

At 7 and 9 you really do need to be just telling them. Do they have plenty of other things they could do (and just are choosing not to)?

When mine were those ages, we tended to do a morning activity then an hour of screen time (while I got on with stuff or had a rest) and likewise then an afternoon activity and another hour of screen time.

(Activity could just be putting some toys out in the garden and letting them run around, I'm not claiming to be totally amazing parent. Although at that age just going to the playground can amuse them quite happily for a couple of hours.)

"Just tell them" has been my way thus far but none of us enjoy the way it goes. If their dad backed me up it would be easier

They have had quite a bit of screen time today but also been in the garden for a couple of hours and out for a bike ride, we're also just back from a week's camping.

I am not adverse to hiding the chargers