Single mum, days out with 4 year old, I'm knackered at the end of the day! Am I doing the right thing?

[BarbaraVineFan]

I'm a 44 year old single mum to a wonderful DD who is nearly 5. (Didn't in a million years expect to be a single mum when I had her, but there you go!) She doesn't see her dad except on video chat as he lives abroad, and I don't have family help so it is all on me basically.

DD is amazing, hilarious and fun, but has a LOT of energy. When we are in the house, she likes to do crafts and painting etc, and will concentrate on these for a long time, but obviously you can't do that all day, and it's messy and requires a lot of input from me. She will play with toys for a short time but isn't very good at playing on her own for long periods - I would say max 20 mins or so is about her limit.

The upshot of all this is that I tend to have a 'schedule' of breakfast followed by colouring/drawing while I clear up and get sorted, then we head out of the house for the day at about 10-10.30ish. Usually we go to a park or a forest or somewhere like that, very occasionally to something more expensive. Sometimes we have playdates etc. We take a picnic or have a sandwich in a cafe, DD carries on playing or we go for another walk or whatever, and then we head home for about 4.30-5pm for a bit of TV, dinner, and the bedtime routine.

My problem is that I am absolutely KNACKERED by the time DD is asleep (usually around 8pm if I'm lucky) but then I still have to do lots of household jobs, washing up, tidying, vacuuming cat hair etc. Often I can't be bothered to do anything more than the minimum, so I'm constantly irritated by the house not being as clean as I would like,.

I am starting to wonder whether to try to spend more time indoors with DD, but when we do so, I don't feel as though I get much done either, as she needs a lot of my attention. How does everyone else do it? I was wondering if i could get some ideas of how to manage my days with DD a bit better - or do I just have to stick it out until she's older?

Great. And just as importantly-do you? You need to feel supported too by other adults.
It does sound like you’re doing great and your kid sounds happy.

@Decidedlydex i have tried that kind of thing, but I just found that it was messy and created more work for me :( however, that was when she was younger. Maybe I should try again now she's a bit more responsible!

Ohhh top one when I was particularly knackered.... Scavenger hunts.

You sit still (with a cuppa) and little one fetches things.... Something blue, something fluffy, something square ... Etc. DS used to love this. He'd get very excited.

@otravezempezamos i.do see friends. To be honest, I am so 'on' all.the time with DD and in my job that I really would just prefer to be on my own reading a book a lot of the time 😂

At nearly five she should be able to entertain herself for a period of time so I'd work on extending her current 20 minute stretch to be a bit longer.

It often helps if you make this time regular, everyday after lunch/before dinner/after breakfast etc. Pick a time and stick with it. Explain that you need to do x,y,z and she needs to play by herself for e.g. 30 minutes. Give her a timer or clock if that will help. Then no matter how much she complains she's bored/tries to get you to play stick with it. Consistently redirect her to play while you do x/y/z. They very quickly get the idea.

To help her along you can have some toys/activities reserved just for this time to make it a bit special. You can have a jar with little challenges in to inspire her (build a tower with Duplo/make a card for Grandma/take your Barbies on an adventure/read a book to your teddies etc).

But above all, don't be frightened of her being bored. It's good for her developmental and mental health. She doesn't need you to entertain her constantly.

@HerkyBaby i had never thought of a garden centre! What a good idea, thank you. I'll try that. @Mumteedumscavenger hunt also excellent plan! Thanks!

Haha I get you. As long as you have people you can count on if you need it.

I think just soilder on through the summer holidays and enjoy this last few weeks of fun together, worry about the house when she's in school, you'll have plenty of time then.

@NuffSaidSam you make a good point there. I have probably made a rod for my own back! I'll do what you suggest, it's a good idea, thanks.

I'm off to bed now but just wanted to say thank you so much for all the helpful replies and support from everyone. I'll check back in tomorrow.

You sound like you're doing an amazing job and doing it all without help so yes it's very hard! To be honest when my kids were home in the holidays, I did the bare minimum of housework to keep the house vaguely clean and tidied up toys and stuff once they were in bed. It's impossible to spend time deep cleaning when they're under your feet! I'd work on getting your little one to entertain herself for gradually longer periods of time at home - just build up gradually. You can say I need 20 minutes to sort this washing and put it away so I want you to play with your duplo (or whatever) while I do that. Gently and firmly remind her if she follows you wanting your attention. You can offer a bribe - I need to hoover the lounge so play quietly and then we'll walk to the shop and get an ice lolly. You're doing a great job and your DD sounds like a lovely happy little girl ☺️